Have you ever stitched your own wound? I don't recommend it. Once I was finished I lay back and hoped for the best. With any luck I'd be able to stay off it for a while now, and would be able to let it heal.
The big question now was what would happen to Bates. We got our answer the next morning, and it was worse than anything I could have imagined.
Behind the main school building were two sports pitches and a cricket square, all ringed by woods. The school had favoured rugby over football, and there were huge H-shaped rugby posts at either end of each pitch. Mac had a detail of boys cut down one of the rugby goals, dismantle it and reassemble it in the shape of a cross, which lay flat, ready to be re-erected using one of the vacated postholes.
He was going to crucify Bates.
'We can't let this happen,' said Norton, urgently, when the truth became apparent. We were sitting in the San staring out of the window at the ghastly construction and all it represented. 'If we let him do this then… I don't know what. But it ain't good.'
'And how do you suggest we stop him?' I replied. 'He has a cadre of permanently armed boys who are fiercely loyal. At first through stupidity and now, after what they did to Matron, they're as guilty as he is and they know it. He owns them and I don't think they'll hesitate to shoot any one of us dead if Mac orders it. Not now.'
Norton nodded. 'I've asked around, as discreetly as I can, but no-one saw anything that night. I can't find out which boys went into that room.'
Alone in the San, my mind focused by the pain, I'd had plenty of time to dwell on what had happened to Matron. 'Come to take your turn?' she'd asked. At first the implication of that question made me sick with horror, but then, as the long night wore on that disgust turned into a deep burning pit of anger, a fury I didn't know I had it in me to feel. It changed me. It made things simple.
'Then we assume they all did,' I said. 'Every one of those bastards is responsible for what happened to Matron, and every single one of them will pay for it. They crossed a line when they went into that room. He initiated them.'
I was actually grateful for being bedridden, and that gratitude made me guilty. Had I been expected to participate I would have either gotten myself killed trying to prevent it, or been forced to take part at the point of a gun. I knew this, but still I felt that I should have been there to protect her, that I could have done something, anything.
'They're like him now,' I went on. 'He's made them that way, and we mustn't underestimate any one of them. They're loyal and stupid and, we now know, capable of pretty much anything. We have to be so careful. Play the long game.'
'Bates won't be around that long.'
'No,' I admitted, matter of fact. 'He probably won't be.'
Norton looked at me askance.
'So we do nothing? We just let them do this?'
I looked at the cross and considered my options.
'No. No, we don't. But I can only see one course of action that doesn't get us crucified too. I don't like it, and neither will you.'
All the blood drained from Norton's face as I told him what I wanted him to do.
'Coming to join the party?' asked Mac, as he pushed the wheelchair to my bedside. 'I promise you, son, it's gonna be massive!'
'Wouldn't miss it for the world, sir.' I smiled my most feral smile and for the first time it didn't feel forced or fake. I felt like a hunter, felt that ruthlessness, that focus, that calm.
'Attaboy, Lee.' He playfully punched me on the arm and then helped me into the chair. I didn't bother disguising my discomfort and pain; if my plan didn't work and I had to resort to plan B, I would need Mac to know just how bad my leg really was.
'Still bad, eh?'
'Yeah. Little bit. Wish Matron was here, I don't want it going gangrenous.'
'That bitch is long gone, but we'll find her. Just for you Lee, we'll find her.'
He pushed me out the door and down the corridor to the stairs, where Patel was waiting to help carry me down.
'Actually, Lee, you missed some fun the other night, y'know.'
Staying calm in the face of moments like this was becoming easier; the anger gave me more control.
'Really? What was that then?'
We reached the top of the stairs and Patel took the front wheels.
'What do you say, Patel? The other night. Quality times, yeah?'
Patel looked momentarily uncomfortable, but it might just have been the weight of the chair.
'Yes sir. Top quality,' he replied.
'We taught that bitch a lesson all right. Let her know who's in charge around here. You should've been there, Lee. I reckon you always fancied her, am I right? Shame you missed your chance to take a pop, yeah?'
I fantasised about taking a knife, driving it deep into his beating heart and smiling into his dying eyes.
'Now that,' I said enthusiastically, 'would have been worth getting gangrene for!'
Mac and Patel laughed. All three of us, partners in crime.
We reached the bottom of the stairs and I was wheeled out through the courtyard to the back field.
'The girls legged it during the night, by the way. Don't worry, we'll find 'em. And we've got night patrols now, and sentry boxes. No-one else is getting out of here. Isn't that right, fat lady?' This last to the Dinner Lady, who stood to one side, arms folded, trying defiance on for size, but unable to disguise her uncertainty and fear. She slept alone, above the kitchen, directly opposite the windows of the boys' dorms. Matron must have considered it too risky to wake her.
'She tried to leg it this morning,' said Mac, 'but she's too big to be proper stealthy. Anyway, what'd we eat if she vanished? You're precious to me, Mrs Dinner Lady, you are. Got to keep you close to home.'
He leaned down and whispered to me. 'Plus, you know, with Matron gone, we gotta have options for entertainment, yeah.'
Norton was stood on the edge of the ranks closest to me. He glanced at me as I was wheeled past and nodded almost imperceptibly. I sighed with relief. Mission accomplished.
Mac parked me and took his place in front of the troops, the cross looming above him.
'It gives me no pleasure, what I'm about to do,' he said.
Oh fuck off, I thought.
'But a strong leader must be ruthless in the pursuit of justice and safety. Anyone who harms one of mine will suffer the consequences, and they must know that I will be unswerving in their pursuit. There is no room here for mercy or forgiveness. The only sacred thing here is justice. If you kill one of the people under my protection you kill a part of me. And so help me God, you will do penance for your sins.'
This was a new line, this holy righteousness bollocks. I hoped he wasn't going to get a messiah complex. On cue, Mac took out a Bible and began to read aloud as Zayn and Green emerged from the building escorting Bates.
'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men,' read Mac, channelling Samuel L. Jackson. 'Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.'
Mac was really hamming it up. This was taking a turn for the weird. Whatever, I had to compliment him on his choice of reading; it was at least appropriate.
The boys led Bates up to the cross and he didn't struggle at all. Even when he saw the construction upon which he was to be mounted, he didn't show the least surprise or concern. I didn't think there was much left of Bates to kill.
Mac walked over to him and forced him down onto his knees, and then his back. He tied his wrists and feet to the improvised crucifix in silence. Then he got the hammer and nails. He looked disappointed when Bates didn't cry out in pain as they pierced his flesh.
He stood back and seized one of the ropes that were attached to the cross. Zayn and Pugh took the others,
