whenever.”
Kendall’s brain is still buzzing. She edges away from Nico’s desk, toward Jacian. “I’m too tired to even think of playing.”
“That’s because you’re not playing.”
“What do I have to play for?”
Jacian stares at her for a long moment. Then he just shakes his head lightly and turns to face the front of the classroom.
They sit there in silence and wait for Ms. Hinkler to start the afternoon work. For the next three hours
Kendall can’t stop thinking about what happened with the desk.
And about hearing Nico’s voice.
By evening Kendall has reasoned away what happened. Her grief is playing tricks with her brain. Sure, her connection with Nico was strong — they were like twins in a way, the way they grew up and were always together. Of course she’s going to think she hears his voice now and then. It’s spooky, but it’s completely natural. And totally explainable. And completely sad.
It just makes her feel so lonely.
She lies in bed, window checked six times, moonlight streaming in through the soft white curtains. So lonely her arms ache with no one to hold.
Too much!
We pull back, suck in Our hypnotic venom, but it’s too late. The heat, the life is gone. Too strong, too desperate. And you. . unwilling? Nonmalleable? We curse now in the dark, quiet room. Our only option is to move.
We groan and creak, inching along, Our built-up strength leaking out with each motion.
There is no other choice for Us.
He’s alone in the morning in the pouring rain.
“Where’s Marlena?” Kendall asks, climbing into the truck.
Jacian chews on a toothpick, his dark eyes squinting through the sheets of water as his wipers fly from side to side. He flips the gearshift into drive. “Bozeman, getting a checkup at the doctor’s today. They’re taking the cast off.”
“Oh, that’s right. Cool.”
“She’ll still have to wear one of those boot things for a couple weeks.”
“Ew. Hideous. Serious fashion emergency.”
Jacian laughs and glances at her. “My parents and grandfather would like you and your family to come for dinner Sunday to celebrate. It’s Marlena’s sixteenth birthday. Can your family get away?”
“Just us?”
“No. Greenwoods too, and Marlena’s new sophomore friends. And maybe some others. I don’t know.
My grandfather is going to call your parents but I thought I’d mention it.” He slows at the four-way stop in town and peers through the weather. “Maybe we can scrimmage with Eli and a few of the others if they come.” He looks at her again, and his eyes are so earnest.
Kendall half smiles. “I brought my clothes today,” she says. She pats her backpack. “Mom told me I’m too mopey and she’s giving me the day off. I packed them up before I looked outside and saw this mess.”
“You did?” He sounds shocked. Pleased. “A little rain is nothing,” he says, a smile playing on his lips.
He pulls into the parking lot. “Let me know about Sunday. Two o’clock. Or, you know — tell Marlena, or whatever.”
“I will.”
He turns the truck off, and their collective breath steams up the windows. They sit for a minute, timing the rain, but it’s not letting up. Kendall looks over at Jacian. “Ready?”
He nods, and they make a mad dash for the school, splashing through the muddy parking lot to the doorway.
“Ever hear of concrete around here?” Jacian asks, looking at his jeans in disgust. They stomp their feet and go inside the school. “Or tar. Tar works too. They make roads out of it, and parking lots. . ”
“Shut it.”
He goes into the classroom first and stops short. “Do you, like, need to be the first to enter the room too?”
“No.” She eyes him suspiciously to see if he’s mocking her, but he appears serious.
“Just wondering. I knew a kid at camp who always needed to be in the front. He’d go around getting all upset and saying ‘I’m the front! I’m the front!’ and everybody was mean to him, thinking he was just trying to be first in line all the time. They didn’t understand.”
“It’s different for everybody.” Kendall shakes the rain out of her hair and starts on her rituals.
A moment later Jacian says, “Hey, Kendall?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not positive, but I think Nico’s desk is switched again.”
Kendall’s stomach twists. “Seriously?” She finishes up the curtains and walks over to Jacian. “You’re right.”
She looks around to see which one it’s switched with. “What the hell,” she whispers. “This is so not normal.” She looks at Jacian. “I know you probably think this is dumb that I’m all hung up over this, but this never happens. The desks only get moved out of the room for major cleaning during the summer, so they’re all scrambled in the fall. But they never get moved out of sequence the rest of the year. Never.”
Kendall drops her backpack and wildly searches the room for Nico’s desk. She finds it in the sophomore section and wrenches it back as Jacian moves the other one out of the way.
Jacian touches her arm. “I don’t think it’s dumb for you to want Nico’s desk to be there, next to you.
Waiting for when he comes back,” he says.
Kendall stops. Swallows hard. Trying to decide if she still believes he’ll come back.
Jacian drops his hand from her arm and steps out of the way so she can pull the desk back into its proper place. He lifts up the other one and moves it fluidly to the empty spot.
She’s still looking at him. He doesn’t meet her gaze. “Thank you,” she says. Stupid hot tears spring to her eyes. “That’s probably the nicest thing anybody’s said to me in all these weeks.”
“Well, that sucks.”
Kendall pulls it together and then narrows her eyes. “Why are you being nice to me?” She slides into her seat and sits sideways to face him. “Hmm?”
He looks into her eyes for a long moment, and she sees something there. Loneliness, or compassion.
. something incredibly human that she hadn’t noticed before. “I just want to play some soccer,” he says lightly. “Figure it’s time to bribe you with my charismatic personality.”
“Oh,” she says. Her voice is hollow, and she puzzles over how disappointed she feels that he told the truth. She should have known he wanted something.
Students arrive in exploding bursts because of the rain. Kendall turns away, rests her head on her desk, looking at Nico’s. She doesn’t see Jacian slump in his seat. Doesn’t see him close his eyes and shake his head, doesn’t hear the curse under his breath.
It rains off and on throughout the day. Kendall is tempted to sit at Nico’s desk, but she doesn’t want to do it when anybody is around. When it rains, everybody stays inside all day, eating lunch at their desks, so there’s no chance.
After school the rain has stopped, and Jacian and Kendall step gingerly to the truck, taking care not to soak the interior with mud, but it’s pointless. The air is crisp.
Jacian starts the engine and throws an arm across the backseat, looking over his shoulder preparing to back up. His fingers brush the tips of Kendall’s hair. She moves closer to her door. “Where to?” he asks.
She looks at him. “You too chickenshit to play in this?”
“No.”
