'I can't control this,' I gasped.
'Sure you can.' He stopped walking and turned to face me. 'Just breathe.'
I nodded and a lock of bright, flame-red hair fell onto my face. Michael stroked it back. I was surprised he'd want to touch me when I was like this.
'Demon form can be triggered from feeling high emotions like anger or fear.' He frowned deeply. 'I saw Chris leave here. He didn't… he didn't try to hurt you, did he?'
I sucked in a shaky breath. 'He cornered me in the back of a limo and wouldn't take no for an answer, if you know what I mean.'
'He what?' What felt like an actual wave of fury radiated off Michael and it made goose bumps crawl over my skin. 'He tried to… to…? I'm going to kill him. I will tear the head from his body!'
I shook my head. 'No, I'm okay. After he's seen me like this I'm sure he won't come anywhere near me ever again. I scared the crap out of him.'
His expression was tense and angry, but he gently wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. 'You're really okay?'
My breath was still coming in quick gasps. 'Except. . except for this demon thing. I couldn't control it. And now I can't change back. Of course I was able to scare Chris off. I scared him by how ugly I am.'
He shook his head. 'Princess, there's nothing ugly about you.' He cupped my face in his hands. 'But you have to try to relax.'
I had to relax. I had to.
Pain radiated through my stomach. 'I'm dying. Harnessing my Darkling powers is killing me.'
'You're not dying.' He hugged me to him a lot like how Chris had in the limo, but it was different now. Michael wasn't Chris. I hadn't known Michael for very long at all, but I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Holding on to him helped me to slowly calm down. It made me feel safe. It helped chase away the anger and fear.
'Shh, it's okay.' He kissed my cheek and stroked my hair back from my face.
I closed my eyes and held on to him, and slowly I felt the Darkling inside of me recede. My wings began to disappear. My teeth desharpened. My nails returned to their short, pink-polished state. The pain grew worse but as I returned to normal and clung to Michael I realized it wasn't as bad as the last time I changed back to human form.
'Better?' he asked after a few minutes went by.
I nodded. He began to pull away from me but I held on tight.
He looked down into my eyes. 'See? You're not dead.'
'Not yet.' I took a deep breath. The pain was completely gone now and it gave me a chance to think straight. I looked up at him. 'Where were you all day?
I thought you said you'd come to see me again.'
'I know. I'm sorry, I couldn't come before now.'
'Why not?'
His expression shadowed. 'I just couldn't. I… I thought you would have drunk the potion by now.' 'But you came anyway?'
'I wanted to make sure you were all right. You had mentioned the dance so I knew you'd be here at the school.' He must have seen the hurt look that I couldn't hide and he swallowed hard. 'I wanted to come earlier. I did. I'm really sorry I wasn't here for you.'
'But you're here now. Thank you for helping me calm down.'
'You're very welcome.' He smiled a little and then turned more serious. 'You should have drunk the potion by now, though. The king. . he's getting worse.' He exhaled. 'Elizabeth thinks he has only hours left, not days.'
My heart twisted. 'I need to see him again.'
He shook his head. 'That's not a good idea.'
'Why not?'
'Taking you back to the Shadowlands would only make it harder. For you, for your father. He's in no shape to see anyone-he's constantly in demon form now. And there's no time left. You. . you have to drink the potion or you won't have any choice when the king dies.
You'll automati' cally become queen. I know you don't want that.' 'And I don't want to die.'
'Die?' he asked. 'What are you talking about?'
'Elizabeth told me that harnessing my Darkling powers will kill me. I've done it three times now and I guess I've gotten off lucky.' I swallowed. 'I can't let it happen again.'
He looked confused. 'She told you that?'
I nodded. 'She researched Darklings when my father asked her to. She didn't want to tell him or it would worry him more.'
His brow lowered. 'What do you mean you've turned Darkling three times!'
I quickly told him about my confrontation with knife-guy again in the park. His expression grew darker with every word.
'I should have been there for you,' he said. 'I should have protected you.' 'It's okay.'
'No, it's not. You were in danger and I didn't help you. But Elizabeth. .' He paused. 'She cares very much what happens to you. And she's very adamant that you drink the potion-she says it's the only way. She allowed me to come back here to check if you had or not.' He met my eyes and his expression was strained. 'You have to drink it, Nikki.'
My throat thickened. 'Do you really want me to forget about you?'
'It's the only way.'
'You keep saying that. But it doesn't answer my question.'
He looked down at the ground. 'Princess, I'm a servant. I'm not supposed to want things.' 'You don't act like a servant.'
'Then I'm very sorry,' he said. 'But I'm just supposed to do what I'm told without questioning it. It's the only way I've ever known.'
Something about how he said it made me think very hard. Servants couldn't question orders given to them. They had to do what others told them because
. . because why? They weren't supposed to have minds of their own. Not allowed to make their own decisions, whether that decision was right or wrong.
Sounded like being a teenager. Everybody told me what to do. Where to move. What classes to take, what tests to study for. What books to read.
And now I was being told to drink a potion because there was no other way. Elizabeth's argument for me drinking it was a very good one, though. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to be queen.
No other choice.
'For what it's worth,' Michael said after a moment of silence between us, 'I don't want you to forget about me. And if things were at all different, I'd tell you not to drink the potion if you didn't really want to. But that would be selfish and stupid of me.'
I shook my head. 'It's not stupid. Or selfish.'
He met my gaze again and held it. 'When King Desmond first told me to come here to the human realm, to find his daughter and bring her back to see him, I was convinced you'd be a spoiled brat. I thought that as soon as you found out I was your servant you'd treat me like a nobody. That's the reason I didn't tell you what I was until you found out from your father. When we were in the alleyway after that guy attacked you, and you didn't leave me there-you waited, you stayed with me until I was better-I didn't feel like a nobody. I didn't want to lose that.'
'You're not a nobody,' I told him, swallowing past the huge lump in my throat.
'My parents died when I was young and your father has treated me well. I can't really complain too much. But it's not the same as… as how you treat me.
You surprised me, Princess. So much. And when you kissed me last night…' He pressed his lips
