Spring fancy

this with him forever, wishing, until maybe the auctioneer might come by and ask, 'What am I bid for this man, this Joseph Duggan.'

And Winn would say, 'All that I have.' And it would be that simple.

'It's a long drive home,' he said quietly. 'Time we start back.'

She didn't lie with her head in his lap on their return trip, and he didn't claim to be sleepy. She sat most of the time close against his shoulder, her bare heels hooked over the edge of the seat, and her wrists looped around her ankles.

The ride was quiet. And long. And introspective. It screamed with unsaid things. Supper at a roadside restaurant was a failure, for neither was hungry, though they both ordered, then picked desultorily.

It was 11:00 P.M. when they pulled up in Winn's driveway. Joseph killed the engine, but neither of them moved. He stared at her front door.

At last he asked, 'Can I come in?'

'No, not tonight.'

He didn't ask why. He knew. Sighing, he slumped low in the seat and began kneading the bridge of his nose with his eyes shut.

'Joseph… I… thank you for-'

'Dammit!' he growled angrily, interrupting, turning his face away from her, staring out the side window while holding his lower lip with thumb and forefinger.

She paused uncertainly, reached for the door handle, but at its first click his hand lashed out and grabbed her arm. 'What are you going to do?'

Her teary eyes met his across the broad seat. 'Think… long and hard.'

'And?'

'And I need time, Joseph. Promise me you won't call or try to see me until I contact you.'

'Sit? You expect me to sit doing nothing while you go back to him and make wedding plans?'

'Joseph, don't! You promised!'

'Yeah, well that's easier said than done.'

'Please don't ruin the end of a perfectly wonderful day.'

'It isn't over yet. I said I want to come in.'

'Joseph, this isn't-'

'All right, then!' he snarled. 'I won't come in!' In a flash he was across the seat, grabbing her roughly into his arms. 'There's plenty of room to do what we both want right here.' His lips slammed onto hers, but halfway through the kiss she was gripping him violently and pulling him heavily against her breasts. She was both appalled and aroused by his anger, for she'd felt the wild frustration mounting within her body, just as he had, all the way home. It erupted now in a spate of pure animalism for both Winn and Joseph. Instead of fighting, she succumbed, clinging to his shoulders only momentarily before squirming down accommodatingly while he arranged his limbs upon hers with little gentleness or patience. His mouth was as hard as his arousal as he ground them simultaneously against her, gnashing her flesh with his lips and hips in an effort to quell the seething within. The punishing kiss lasted less than a minute before Joseph reared back, breath heaving harshly, and began jerking his shirt open. He yanked it out of his waistband while kneeling above her, one leg on the floor, the other angled across her body. Their eyes pierced, shameless in their intent while she, too, roughly unsnapped and unzipped her jeans, then together they stripped them down her right leg only, for they were too greedy to remove them entirely.

His clothing hadn't cleared his ankles before he threw his body down on hers. As he fell, he caught her behind a knee and forced the leg wide. Her foot caught the window ledge, and she used it for leverage, thrusting up to greet and welcome him, fully aroused now, both.

And so they sought restitution, he driving deep, she surging up to meet his oncoming force with an elemental need to settle the conflict between them that both knew could not be settled this way.

But it felt good. Fruitless as it was, it relieved. They pummeled each other, fingers gripping hips and buttocks almost painfully as he growled and she sobbed, and in the end, together, they cried out. An anguished, replete, wonderful, pitiable wail of gratification.

Her climax was devastating. His, awesome. And when their spent bodies lay tangled and sated, they understood perfectly what they had accomplished. And what they had not.

His voice, when at last he spoke, was thick with contrition, muffled in the collar of her blouse, which hung half on, half off her body.

'Oh, God, Winn, I'm sorry.'

'I am, too.'

'Why did I do that when I love you?'

'Why did I? I'm just as guilty as you are.'

'I'll never do it again, I swear, not in anger.'

Was he crying? My God, was he crying? 'Shh!' she soothed. His skull was damp as she wove her fingertips into his hair. 'Shh.' His arms tightened about her proprietarily. He lifted his head and spoke in a racked whisper.

'Did I hurt you, Winn?'

'No. I'm fine. A little messed, but fine.' He rolled his shoulders back and groaned softly, squeezing his eyes shut and catching a hand in his hair.

She attempted to lighten his burden and make him smile. 'Did I hurt you?'

He gave a single mirthless huff of laughter and slowly eased himself off her, tugged up his jeans, lifted her legs across his lap and sat behind the wheel again. He crossed his arms on it, then lowered his head.

She withdrew her feet from his lap, arranged her clothing and threaded the fingers of both hands through her hair with an enormous sigh. He sat slumped over without moving.

'Joseph, I have to go in now.'

His head lifted slowly. His eyes looked tormented. 'I'll call you if and when I get myself freed from other commitments.'

He sat silent and unmoving as black water. She leaned across the seat and placed her lips lightly on his, touched his chin and begged, 'Don't blame yourself. It was both of us.'

He swallowed. The sound was loud in the bleak silence.

'Goodbye, Joseph.'

When she slipped away, he lurched, as if coming awake from a dream to find her truly escaping.

'Winn, wait!'

But the door slammed, and he watched her run to the house as fast as she could.

Chapter 11

D uring the following three days Winn learned things about crying she'd never known before. By Tuesday night she thought it might very well be possible to cry oneself to death. Sunday was spent alternately sobbing and drying up, running for the Kleenex box, then for ice cubes to soothe her stinging eyes. To make mailers worse, Paul called, asking, 'Where were you all day yesterday and last night?' And Winn was forced to make up a lie. To make matters additionally worse, Joseph called, too, ignoring her order to stay out of touch. His message was that he loved her and was despicably miserable and wanted to see her again. Though she managed to stave him off, she was deluged with fresh tears after she hung up.

Monday, with Merry gone from the hospital, Winn's gloom continued, camouflaged behind the cheeriness she forced for the benefit of the other patients. Monday night Paul called to say he missed her and would be home Wednesday at 4:00 P.M., and could she pick him up at the airport. She almost expected the ring that came just after nine. This time Joseph cursed at her, then apologized profusely, then called her Killer in the most heart- wrenchingly sweet voice she'd ever heard. 'Hey, Killer… I love you, you know.' Once more she cried herself to sleep.