counter because he hadn’t had the energy to go through it, but he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. Might as well go through it now while Savannah slept.
He threw out the sales flyers and business ads, then wasted some time thumbing through the Christian ministry magazine that came every month. He couldn’t concentrate on the articles, though he tried; really he just didn’t want to look at what was inside the envelopes that looked like bills. He looked at every article and even read the classifieds in the back before returning it to the bag and drawing a fortifying breath. It’s just mail, it can’t kill you. At least not directly.
A new insurance card for the car. The gas bill-lower than usual. So far this wasn’t too bad.
An envelope from their health insurance company. His shoulders sagged. He felt defeated already.
He slowly ripped it open and pulled out the pages. Eight of them in all, filled front and back with a mess of confusing tables and codes and procedure names he couldn’t decipher. The last page ended with a total due to each provider. Their combined total had five digits before the decimal.
His vision began to swim. Maybe he wouldn’t have been so devastated if he hadn’t gotten that email first. But now…
“Babe?”
Savannah’s voice startled him, despite how quiet it was. He sniffed, tried to blink away the tears standing in his eyes. “Hey, I thought you were sleeping.”
“You okay?”
“I’m fine, babe. I’m fine.” He gave her a smile, but she shook her head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, seriously. I’m just… tired. I’m sorry if I woke you up. I didn’t mean to.”
She lifted a hand and he took it in his own. Her eyes were bright despite the rest of her face looking so drawn. “I’ll be okay.”
“I know you will. I believe you.”
“Believe God.”
He hated that his gut reaction was one of cynicism. “I do, babe. You’re going to be fine. Everything is going to work out, I know.”
She smiled and her eyes drifted shut. He waited until her hand was limp in his, then lowered it back to the bed.
He wanted so badly to believe what he’d said. He wanted to trust that God had a plan that involved Savannah recovering and Shaun winning the lottery, or discovering buried treasure behind the trees in their backyard, or anything that would allow him to finally get out from under the crushing financial struggle that was sucking both him and their bank account dry. But all he felt was despair, and no amount of praying seemed to help.
JESSIE FELT LIKE A POSTER CHILD FOR MURPHY’S LAW.
She’d been back on campus for less than 24 hours, and it had been one lousy break after another. For obvious reasons Shaun hadn’t been able to help her move in, so she’d been stuck moving her belongings herself. That in and of itself wouldn’t have been too bad, but because so many others were vying for the moving carts and the elevators were so packed, it had taken her way longer than she’d had time for, given all the details that still needed to be dealt with for the freshman dinner. Then she’d made the mistake of stacking too much on the cart once she got one, and a bump in the sidewalk had sent her desktop computer crashing to the pavement. The accidental damage insurance would take care of it; but she’d have to find time to file the claim-and until that was all sorted she was without her music or internet or email.
With so much time taken up with moving in, she’d had no time to start getting her room in order before having to abandon it for the dinner prep. That meant she had no idea where the shoes were that matched the outfit she’d planned on wearing that night, or where her bathroom caddy was so she could shower before the evening’s event. And apparently she had “customer service representative” tattooed on her forehead, because any time she ventured outside her room she got stopped by a freshman or parent asking her questions she had no idea how to answer. The resident advisor still hadn’t arrived, and as one of the few upperclassmen in the dorm, she was like a beacon to all the new students who were trying to figure out how to get their beds de-bunked or their computers set up to the internet.
And as if all that weren’t enough to stress her out, her mother was going to die and no one wanted to admit it.
Savannah’s decline since her admittance to the hospital had been frighteningly quick. Jessie had gone back to say goodbye the day before, and her mother had been so weak she could barely hold a conversation. It had only been a handful of days since Jessie had brought Savannah’s laptop to the hospital in the Springs. It was hard to believe someone could deteriorate that fast. It was harder to believe they’d then be able to recover.
And yet Shaun – and Savannah herself – seemed convinced that she would. Jessie wanted to believe them, and to have the same faith they did, but she was unable to muster the confidence they seemed to share. So she checked her phone obsessively to make sure she hadn’t missed a text or call, and found herself unable to concentrate on anything for long before her thoughts turned to funeral plans and wondering how she’d handle the grief once the inevitable occurred.
Jessie shook the dark thoughts from her head and consulted her checklist. Tablecloths – check. Centerpieces – check. Decorations… She looked around the gym for the box Adam was to have dropped off. She didn’t see it. She pulled her phone from her pocket and texted him, then checked the next item on the list. Sundae bar items. She groaned aloud. She’d forgotten to confirm the sundae bar with The Sweet Shoppe.
Their contact info wasn’t in her phone or on her checklist. Berating herself with mumbled insults, she dropped the checklist on a nearby table and headed for her dorm room.
On the sidewalk outside her dorm’s front door stood a new student and her parents. Tears glistened on all their faces, and she ducked her head in embarrassment when they engaged in a family hug that brought a lump to her throat. As she passed them she overheard the father praying aloud and saw the girl’s head resting on her mother’s shoulder.
Nothing like when I moved in. Savannah had spent more time talking to people who recognized her from her books and speaking tours than she had with helping Jessie move in. Granted she was less than an hour from home and they all knew they’d see each other often, but not even the milestone of beginning college had created a soft spot in Savannah’s heart. After her boxes had been moved in they’d gone to dinner, where Savannah had dominated the conversation with unsolicited advice about time management and not-so-subtle hints at the kinds of classes she thought Jessie should take.
When the time had come for her parents to leave, she’d gotten a giant hug from Shaun-who also pressed a wad of cash into her hand – and a peck on the cheek from Savannah when she took a break from the list she’d been dictating of activities she thought Jessie should check into. It would have been different if Jessie could have written off the behavior as her mother’s attempt to control her emotions over the thought of her baby girl growing up and moving on in life, but she’d known Savannah too well to even pretend that was the reason. It had been just another example of Savannah wanting to steer Jessie the way she thought she should go, and not taking into account the fact that Jessie had no interest in writing for the school newspaper or trying to join the honor society.
Jessie turned her back on the family whose experience highlighted the deficiencies of her own and swiped her card to unlock the door. She kept her head down and avoided making eye contact with the people who swarmed through the hall as she pushed her way through to her room. Once there, she grabbed the folder of freshman dinner info from her desk and looked up the number for The Sweet Shoppe. She called and asked the employee who answered to confirm the ice cream and toppings delivery for that evening.
“Gosh… I’m sorry. I don’t see that order in our computer. When did you say this event was?”
“Know what? Never mind.” Jessie hung up the phone, flopped to her bed, and cried.
SAVANNAH AWOKE TO FAMILIAR VOICES. It took a moment for her to get her eyes open, but by the time she did she was already smiling. “Hey,” she croaked.
“Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakens!” Mary gave Savannah a gentle hug, then frowned. “Okay, so, I had no idea you weren’t eating anything anymore. The nurse just told me. That really sucks – I brought brownies.”
Savannah smiled. “Make more… when I’m better… and I’ll forgive you.”
Colleen held up a stack of DVD cases. “Shaun said you were sleeping a lot, but we brought these just in case you find yourself awake and bored. All the good ones are here-Sleepless in Seattle, Shakespeare in Love, When Harry Met Sally, and Dirty Dancing.“
