people who understood what she felt, what she’d gone through! People who didn’t keep telling her how blessed she was, which made her feel horrible for not feeling more happy. She lost track of time as she read, and jumped when the doorbell rang.
“Surprise!” Her girlfriends stood on the front porch with balloons and a cake. Their festive mood mirrored the refreshing lightness she felt after reading the forum, and she welcomed them in with far more gratefulness and joviality than she would have had they come before she’d gotten online.
“You guys are sweet, thanks. Oh – that cake is too funny!”
Andi set the two-tiered, heart-shaped cake on the kitchen counter. “It’s strawberry, and none of us could recall if we’d ever seen you eat strawberry cake, so we decided to take a chance.”
“Oh, I’m sure it will be delicious.” Honestly, she wasn’t a fan of the flavor, but she wasn’t going to admit that after all the trouble they’d gone through. She got a knife from the drawer and wielded it above the frosting. “I much prefer being on this end of the slicing.” They laughed as she cut pieces for everyone, then Mary poured sparkling cider for everyone and they toasted to Savannah’s health.
When she took a bite of the cake, she was stunned at how delicious it was. “Oh my gosh, this is heaven.”
Colleen grinned. “So you do like strawberry cake.”
Savannah took another bite. “Well, I’ll confess I usually don’t. But this is… wow.”
“I’ll give you the recipe.”
“So how is it to finally be home?” Bethany asked between bites.
“Good. Not like I was expecting, but better than being in the hospital.”
“How is it not like you expected?”
“I just thought I’d be back in the swing of things sooner. I didn’t think I’d still be feeling this blah.”
“How long is it supposed to be until you’re back to normal?”
She shrugged. “They don’t know. Some people have more energy, some people never really get back to how they were. It’s just a waiting game to see which way I’ll go. Though these days I have my fears that I’ll fall in with the latter.”
Andi set her plate aside. “So is it weird, knowing a piece of someone else is inside you?”
The question made her squirm. “Um, well… yes.” Though these were her closest friends, she still had trouble talking about the details of the surgery. Even Shaun hadn’t asked questions like that yet. And if he had, she wasn’t sure she’d have answered honestly.
“Can you tell it’s someone else’s? Does it feel different?”
Bethany rolled her eyes. “It’s a heart, Andi. How many ways can it feel?”
“Well, I don’t know, maybe it’s one of those things that you don’t notice until someone goes messing around with it.”
Savannah wasn’t about to admit that yes, it did feel different, and she was acutely aware of it every minute of the day. “I notice it… sometimes… but it might just be the healing from the surgery.”
Mary nodded. “That would make sense. How are you healing up?”
“Just fine, according to the doctor.” She didn’t want to get into how she felt like she was still laid open on the table, at least emotionally, or how the scar running the entire length of her torso would never allow her to forget, no matter how much she wanted to.
Colleen gave Savannah’s shoulder a squeeze. “So the only thing left is to get you back to regular speed and everything will be fine.”
Andi put an arm around her shoulder. “God will take care of you. We’ll start praying that you’re renewed to your old self, or better.”
The comment rubbed her the wrong way, though she didn’t know why. She forced a smile. “Thanks.”
“You know,” Mary said to the others, “maybe the four of us could organize a little prayer team for Savannah. We should have started one back when she first got sick, but I don’t think any of us realized how bad it was going to get. Like you, Savannah, we all figured it was just the flu. And then things went downhill so fast…” She waved away the memory. “Anyway, the four of us, let’s do it. Once a week, we’ll pray over you, and commit to praying for you every day until you’re back to how you were.”
“That’s really sweet, but-”
“I love it!” Bethany said. “How about we meet at my place for coffee next Thursday around ten? Does that work for you, Savannah?”
“Um, I’ll have to check-”
“Why don’t we all check and email Bethany with our availability,” Colleen suggested.
“Perfect,” said Bethany.
“You know who we should invite in on this?” said Mary. “Arlene Wilkins at church.”
Andi nodded. “Oh, yes, she’s such a prayer warrior.”
“I’ll give her a call tonight and see if she’d be able to make it.”
“Great idea!”
Savannah withdrew from the conversation, irritated and feeling like a project for them to pounce on. She thought back to the conversation with Shaun when she’d suggested having Pastor John meet with them for accountability. Now she understood why he’d been so opposed to it. Hearing people talking about her in a spiritual way made her feel exposed.
She kept herself busy eating cake so she wouldn’t have to talk. A second slice came in handy for that-though admittedly she’d have taken another one anyway, it was so good-and she contributed noncommittal “Mm-hmms” for the next ten minutes while hoping they’d all leave. The goodwill she’d been feeling when they arrived wore off quickly, and now she was just eager for them to go so she could get back to reading her support forum.
After half an hour they still showed no signs of leaving, so Savannah made the decision for them. “Well, I have a doctor’s appointment in twenty minutes, so I should start cleaning up and get going for that.”
“Oh, of course,” Mary said as they all stood. “I’ll bet you’re at the doctor a lot these days.”
“Yeah, they’re keeping close tabs, as you can imagine.”
They took turns giving Savannah hugs, then filed out the door. “Thursday at ten, don’t forget,” Bethany said as she walked down the porch stairs.
“Yes, I’ll let you know about that.” She stayed at the door for a moment, not wanting to look impolite, then shut it and sagged onto the couch, exhausted.
She loved her friends, she really did, but this was beyond the scope of their understanding. They couldn’t possibly fathom the way this experience had turned her inside out in every possible way. She could barely understand it herself, and she was the one living it. They couldn’t know how personal those questions were, and how disturbed she was by their answers.
But the people on the forum could.
She continued to read, indulging in another slice of cake, until Shaun came home. “That looks like it was good,” he said, eyeing the crumbs on the empty cake plate.
“It was. Sorry I didn’t save any for you. I couldn’t stop eating it.”
“That’s alright. Guess I’m on my own for dinner then?”
She smiled. “I think so, yes.”
“I take it you had a visitor today, then? Who brought it?”
“The girls.”
“All four of them? That was sweet.”
“Yes. All four of them.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Did it not go well?”
She shrugged. “It’s not that it didn’t go well… I just don’t think I was ready for so many visitors asking so many questions.”
He nodded and gently wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s alright.”
“So did you find any time to start working on the book again?”
She fought the defensiveness that rose in her chest. “No. I was busy.”
“How long were the women here for?”
“Not with them – I found an online support group for transplant recipients. It’s been really wonderful reading all their stories, hearing how much we all have in common with our recoveries -”
