chicken breasts. I looked up the amounts to make sure I’d have enough-”
“It’s not the amount so much as the taste that’s going to be affected. Without the dark meat the flavoring will be all wrong.”
Jessie’s compassion left her in a single breath huffed in irritation. “How was I supposed to know that? The card didn’t say that, and it’s not like anyone ever taught me that kind of thing.”
She instantly regretted the words, but Savannah didn’t appear to notice the dig. “Oh well, better than nothing, I suppose. Just add some stock and rosemary.” She set the top back on the pot and said, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” and wandered out again.
Jessie focused on the carrots she was dicing, trying not to let her thoughts darken again. For once she’d love a reason to not resent her mother. Savannah had had the chance right then. Had she come alongside Jessie and walked her through the recipe-explaining the difference chicken breasts would make compared to a whole chicken, showing her the best way to prep the vegetables and explaining how to make sure everything was done at the right time – Jessie would have gladly shelved years of hurt. But instead she’d done what she always did-swooped in, dropped a confidence-destroying bomb, and then retreated, leaving Jessie to figure it out herself.
Blinking away tears, Jessie consulted the recipe card again, but didn’t really comprehend it. For years she’d longed to have a mom who took her under her wing instead of assuming she was smart enough to work everything out on her own, a mom who knew how to offer suggestions without making it sound like criticism. But her hope of ever having that had all but died out. Savannah would always be Savannah; there was no point in wishing she’d change.
Jessie turned off the burner beneath the pot and swept the vegetables into a bowl, then covered them in plastic wrap and stuck them in the fridge. Her enthusiasm was gone. She’d make mac n’ cheese from a box instead.
SHAUN WAS JUST FINISHING HIS bag lunch the next day when a knock came on his door. “It’s open,” he called.
Nick entered, holding an expense report. Shaun’s heart went into panic mode, beating like Morse code.
“Hey, Shaun – oh, you’re eating. I’m sorry.”
“No, not a problem. I was almost done. Come on in.”
Nick walked to the desk and held up a piece of paper. “I was going over Savannah’s reimbursement form and found an error in your math.” He pointed out the total he’d come up with, written next to the total Shaun had recorded. Instantly Shaun saw his mistake. “It’s not a big deal. I just wanted to show you so you didn’t wonder why the amount was different when you got the check.”
“Thanks, Nick. I appreciate it. You’d think I’d be able to operate a calculator, huh?”
Nick shrugged. “Hey, it happens. At least you’re getting more than you were expecting.”
“Ha, yeah.”
“I’ll get you the check by the end of the day. Come see me if you don’t have it before you leave, in case you want to go early to take care of Savannah.”
“I will. Thanks.” Nick left, closing the door behind him, and Shaun let out a breath and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He’d done this dozens of times, but he’d never forgotten to check his math. What had he been thinking? The last thing he needed was to give Nick a reason to start checking those forms more closely.
His appetite gone, Shaun stuffed the rest of his lunch back into the sack and shoved it into the trash can beneath his desk. Now he felt jumpy. He couldn’t concentrate, and his thoughts kept going back to the second he saw the report in Nick’s hand and was sure he’d finally been caught. How much longer until his luck ran out? He’d been under the impression that Nick rubber-stamped whatever Shaun turned in, but apparently he was more diligent than Shaun had realized.
He stood and paced the small office for a second, trying to dissipate some of the adrenaline, then headed for the front door. “I’m going out for a bit,” he told Brenda. “I’ll be back in an hour.” Slipping on sunglasses, he set out towards the small park a couple blocks away. The noon sun seared him through his golf shirt, but the shade above his favorite park bench when he arrived made up for the heat. He sat down beneath the cottonwood and closed his eyes. The adrenaline was mostly gone now, but the problem still remained.
He’d have to do something about Nick.
CHAPTER 3
SAVANNAH HAD BEEN AWAKE FOR TEN MINUTES, BUT STILL hadn’t opened her eyes. She’d listened as Shaun had showered and shaved and left for the kitchen, planning to get up after he went downstairs. But instead, she was still beneath the covers, her mind vacillating between cataloging her current ills and throwing herself a pity party.
She’d been home for over a week, and she still felt about as sick as she had that first day after the tour. The only improvement so far had been when her fever had broken four days ago. It removed some of the aches, but not all of them, and sleeping still took up most of her day. She was resolved-in her head, anyway-that today would be the last day she just sat around. It was time to start figuring out what was going on with her body.
Ten minutes later she dragged herself from bed and into the shower. The improvement in mood that usually came with a hot shower eluded her yet again. She combed out her hair but skipped styling it, then dressed in yoga pants and a T-shirt before going downstairs. She’d start with a good breakfast; she hadn’t had one since she’d been home. She knew she needed to eat, despite the fact that she had no appetite. But once she faced the refrigerator, all inspiration left her. She shut it and slumped onto the couch instead.
“I thought I heard you down here.” Shaun came out of his office and kissed the top of her head. “Just getting ready to go. Can I make you something to eat?”
“That’s sweet, but I don’t know what to have. Just make me anything.”
“You’ve got it.” He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Savannah to stare out the window at the stand of trees at the back of their property. After a week spent this way, she had every tree just about memorized.
Shaun set a plate with toast and grapes on the table beside her, and held out a mug of tea. “Anything else I can do for you before I leave?”
“No, but do you think I should go to the doctor?”
“That’s your call, hon. I know how you are about doctors.”
She sighed. “I know. I’m just afraid something is really wrong.”
He sat beside her. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. This just doesn’t seem right, though. No one else is sick; it’s not like this is going around.”
“Maybe not here, but maybe it is in Omaha, or wherever you were before that stop.”
She sighed. “Maybe. But…”
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her against his chest. “Look, Van, you need to listen to your gut. If you think it’s serious, then make an appointment with Dr. Helms. But if you’re just discouraged because it’s taking so long, then look for something to do today that will keep your mind busy so you’re not dwelling on it. It’s not like you’re not improving at all; your fever is gone and you don’t hurt as much, right?”
“Yes, you’re right.” She sat up. “Go to work, honey. I’ll talk to you later.”
He gave her another kiss, then left her with her breakfast. She opened her Bible and read while she ate, though her mind was only half engaged with the text. The other half was thinking about her symptoms. When she realized she wasn’t comprehending anything she read, she shut her Bible and opened her journal to the back page and wrote “Symptoms.” She followed it with a bullet-point list.
· Weakness
· Exhaustion
· Melancholia
Writing them down made her realize she didn’t have as many symptoms as she thought she did. The ones she did have didn’t seem as concerning when she wrote them out. Shaun was probably right, she was just discouraged.
Although…
She went to the bookshelf in their bedroom and pulled a medical encyclopedia from the lower shelf. She’d
