“ ‘I can read many languages,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to see it. Ever.’
“ ‘Ah, well, I understand. Come into my arms, kiss me, that’s it, on the lips as Persians do, on the cheeks as Greeks do, and then leave me until I call you forth again.’
“The warmth of his body was good to me, so good, and I rubbed my forehead against his cheek, and then without waiting for a further command, I willed myself into the bones, and into darkness. I felt almost happy.”
10
As I have already mentioned to you, this part of my story—the story pertaining to my two masters—will be the shortest.
“But I must explain fully about Zurvan and what he taught me and what he was. Masters after Zurvan, whether I remember them in particular or not, did not have his strength, I’m convinced of that, but more significantly, they didn’t have Zurvan’s interest in learning and teaching, and it was this passion of Zurvan, to instruct me, this lack of fear of me, of my independence, which influenced the rest of my existence, even during periods when I could not recall anything about Zurvan, his sharp blue eyes or his ragged white beard.
“In other words, I carried Zurvan’s lessons forever, even during the darkest times.
“Zurvan was rich, thanks to Cyrus, and had everything he wanted; and he was true to his word that manuscripts were his primary treasures and I was sent on many errands by him, to detect the hiding places of various manuscripts, sometimes to steal outright, or merely to come back with information which allowed Zurvan to bargain for them. His library was immense and his curiosity insatiable.
“But the very first day I rose, he had far more interesting lessons for me than how I was to travel, invisible, at his command.
“My first waking the following day in his house was a startling affair. I appeared, fully clothed in my finest imitation of flesh, and in Babylonian long-sleeve robes, standing in the study. The sun was just coming in and making a glory of the marble floor. I watched it for some time, and only gradually became conscious of myself, that I was Azriel, and that I was here for some reason and that I was dead.
“I walked through the house, searching for other living creatures. I opened a door on a painted bedroom chamber. But what struck me was not the beauty of the murals or the arched windows open to the garden, but that a horde of semivisible creatures fled from me, screeching and jumping up and down and then surrounding the figure of Zurvan, who lay on the bed as though asleep.
“These figures were not easy to see, flashing between mere outline and bursts of light, manifesting snarling faces and making little screams so rapidly that it was difficult for me to pick out any one figure or even get some impression of any one shape. They were humanlike but smaller, fainter, weaker, and carrying on like crazed children.
“At last they had clustered themselves entirely around the bed, obviously to guard Zurvan or perhaps to seek his protection. Zurvan opened his eyes. He looked at me for a long moment, then rose with excitement, and glared at me, as if he didn’t quite believe what he saw.
“ ‘Surely you remember yesterday, Master, when I came to you. You told me this morning you would call me forth.’
“He nodded, and throwing out his arms, he banished the others, until the room lay empty and civilized, a fine Greek bedroom with admirable murals. I stood at the foot of the bed.
“ ‘So what have I done wrong?’
“ ‘You heard me call you in my sleep, that’s what you did, and you came, and what this means is your power is even greater than I thought. I was lying here half-awake, merely thinking about you and how to begin, and this was sufficient to call you forth from the bones. The bones, by the way, are there. I didn’t touch them. You woke upon hearing yourself the subject of my thoughts.’
“He then pointed to the casket, which I saw was on the floor very near to his bed.
“He turned to the side, planted his feet on the floor, and rose, pulling the bedsheet about him like a long toga.
“ ‘But we’ll use this strength, we won’t try to stifle it for my ends or for the ends of others.’ He pondered.
“ ‘Go back into the bones,’ he said, ‘and when I call you, become flesh and come to me in the agora at noon. I’ll be in the tavern. I want you to come to me, fully dressed, solid, having walked the distance from here to there, and having found me by the sheer repetition of my name.’
“I did as he said. I sank back into the soft, downy darkness, but this time I took considerable confusion with me, such as why had I waked in the other room, except that it was the room I knew to be his location as of yesterday, and then I slept. I knew the sleep by measures, as one does when one is half-awake, but I suffered nothing but rest.
“When I knew that it was noon—by a series of tiny signals having to do with light and temperature—I found myself standing in the living room again, well formed and dressed. I checked all the particulars. I checked my hands and feet and clothes, and saw that my hair and beard were groomed, and I did this by merely running my hands over my body and wishing for all this to be so.
“A large burnished mirror stood in the room. When I saw myself in it, I was surprised, as I had some superstitious belief that spirits could not be reflected in mirrors. Then a thought occurred to me. I should go to the Master, yes, as told, immediately, but why not call to the others first? See if they were there?
“ ‘Show yourself, you little craven monsters!’ I said aloud, and at once I did see the room full of the small spirits all watching me in august fear. This time they were still, and it seemed I saw layers of them, as though their substance easily penetrated the substance of another, and I realized there were tall well-formed human shapes among them, eyeing me with caution, as well as the little imps who seemed no more than faces and limbs. I continued to look and say, ‘Show yourselves.’ And soon saw other spirits in the room, spirits that seemed weary and forlorn, like the newly dead perhaps, and one of these spirits lifted his hand to me very slowly and said, ‘Which way?’
“ ‘I don’t know, brother,’ I said. Looking beyond into the garden, I saw the air full of spirits. I saw them clearly as if they were fixed and could not move. I sensed this was only one way of seeing them. I remembered their attacks in the palace when I’d first been made a spirit, and no sooner did this thought cross my mind than the whole spirit spectacle changed.
“The still and thoughtful dead were invaded from every direction by the angry, whirling, howling spirits I remembered from my firstborn minutes. I cried out: ‘Get back! Get away from me!’ I was amazed at the roar which came from me. Most of the enemy fled. But one clung to me, clawing at me, though it made no mark on me and I turned and hit him hard with my fist and cursed at him to return to his safest refuge or I would destroy him! In panic, he disappeared.
“The room was empty and still. I narrowed my eyes. I saw the little spirits waiting. But then I heard a voice very distinctly at my ear; ‘I told you to come to the agora, to the tavern. Where are you?’
“This was of course Zurvan’s voice.
“ ‘Do I have to draw you a map?’ asked the voice. ‘Do you remember my command to you? Start walking towards me. You’ll find me, and don’t be distracted again by either the living or the dead.’
“I felt a crushing anxiety that I had not instantly obeyed him but I did remember his command, I remembered the morning, I made an effort to remember it, then I walked out of the house and into the street.
“This was my first long walk through Miletus, which was a beautiful and open Greek city, filled with marble, and open gathering places, and the fresh air of the coast and the brilliant light of the sea on the clouds. I walked on and on, viewing many things, little shops and stalls and private houses and fountains and small shrines cut in the walls, and then I came to the great open marketplace, surrounded on all sides by the bazaar, and I saw the open tavern, with its bright white awning blowing in the sea breeze, and I saw Zurvan inside, and I came in and stood before him.
“ ‘Sit down,’ he said. ‘Tell me why you opened the front door of my house, instead of merely walking through it.’
“ ‘I didn’t know that I could walk through it. I was flesh. You said come to you in flesh. Are you angry with me? I was distracted by the spirits. I saw the spirits everywhere and I had not seen such a spectacle…’
