“ ‘Hush, I didn’t ask you for all of your thoughts, I merely asked why you didn’t walk through the door. Now even when you are most solid, you can walk through the door. You can pass through it, because that which makes you solid is not what makes it solid. You understand? Now, disappear and reappear here. No one will notice. The tavern’s half-empty. Go ahead.’
“I did this. It was exhilarating, like stretching all my limbs and laughing and then coming back into this solid form.
“He had a much more cheerful expression on his face and now he wanted to hear what I had seen. I told him. Then he asked, ‘When you were a living man, you saw spirits, didn’t you? Answer without thinking or trying to remember.’
“ ‘Yes,’ I said. This was painful and I could recall no details. I didn’t want to. I felt a sense of betrayal and hate.
“ ‘I knew it,’ he said with a sigh. ‘Cyrus told me this, but he was so vague and diplomatic in his language, it was impossible for me to be sure. Cyrus has some special love for you and sense of obligation to you. Look, we’re going to go into the realm of the spirits. That’s best, to go so that you know what it is. But listen first:
“ ‘Every magician you will ever know will have a different map of the spirit terrain. He will have a different notion of what spirits are and why they behave the way they do. But essentially, what you will see on any spirit journey is the same.’
“ ‘So you want some wine, Master?’ I asked. ‘Your cup is empty.’
“ ‘Whatever made you interrupt me with that question?’ he asked.
“ ‘You’re thirsty,’ I said. ‘I know because you are.’
“ ‘What am I going to do with you? How am I going to make you pay attention?’
“I turned and gestured for the wine boy, who came at once and filled my Master’s cup. He asked me if I wanted anything, treating me with great deference, more deference even than he had shown my Master. I realized it was my ornate clothing, this great Babylonian show of jewels and embroidery and my formal hair and beard.
“ ‘No,’ I said. I felt sad that I had no money to bestow on him but then I saw several shekels of silver lying on the table. I gave this to him, and he went away.
“When I looked at Zurvan, he was sitting there resting on his elbows merely studying me. ‘I think I understand it,’ he said.
“ ‘What in particular?’ I asked.
“ ‘You weren’t made or born to obey anyone. The whole Canaanite ritual outlined on the tablet—’
“ ‘Must you talk of that disgusting tablet!’
“ ‘Hush! Did you never have an elder in your life, never a teacher, a father, a king? Stop interrupting me. And listen to me. Ye gods, don’t you realize, Azriel, you cannot die now! I can teach you what will help you! Don’t be so impertinent and stop letting your mind wander. Now! Listen.’
“I nodded. I felt tears spring to my eyes. I felt shame that I’d angered him, and drew a silk napkin out of my robe and blotted my eyes. There was water there I think. Water.
“ ‘Ah, so that’s it! I became angry and that makes you obey.’
“ ‘Could I leave you if I wished?’
“ ‘Probably so, but you’d be a fool to do it! Now pay attention. What was I saying to you before you decided that I should have a drink of wine?’
“ ‘You said that different magicians would outline the spirit world in different ways, and they would give the spirits different names and attributes.’
“He seemed perfectly astonished by this response! I couldn’t quite tell why. But it was highly acceptable to him.
“ ‘Yes, precisely. Now do as I say. Look around you. Look in the tavern and into the agora, look out there into the sun. See the spirits. Don’t speak to them or accept any invitation or gesture from them. Merely see all that you can. Search the air as if you were searching for things tiny and precious that you must have, but don’t move your lips.’
“I did as he said. I think I fully expected to see the pesty little demons that infested his house. But these I didn’t see, so much as the wandering confused dead. I saw their shades or spirits in the tavern, slumped over the tables, trying to talk to the living, walking about as if searching for something…
“ ‘Now look beyond the earthbound dead, the newly dead, and see the older spirits, the spirits that have vitality as spirits,’ he declared.
“I did and saw again those tall beings with fixed eyes, transparent utterly, but with human shapes and distinct expressions and I saw not only those who looked and pointed at me, and made gestures regarding me, but hordes of others. The whole agora was filled with them. I looked up into the sky and saw more resplendent spirits. I let out a little cry. These resplendent spirits were not disturbed or angry or lost, or seeking, but seemed more to be guardians of the living, to be gods or angels, and I saw them to the very height to which I could see. Their comings and goings were swift. In fact, the entire spirit world was in constant movement, and one could classify the spirits by movement, the shades of the dead being sluggish, the older spirits slow and more human, and these angelic spirits, these joyful ones, rushed at a speed the human eye could not follow.
“I must have made many sounds of pleasure. I was overcome by the beauty of some of these aerial creatures, rising into the sun itself, and then I would see the hunkering shade of a dead person coming towards me, hungry and desperate, and I would flinch and draw back. A contingent of spirits who had noticed me was now drawing the attention of others to me. These were the middle spirits, as I saw it, between the dead and the angels, but even as I looked I saw that they were interpenetrated with savage spirits, who darted back and forth, making horrible faces and gestures at me, as if they would hurt me, shaking their fists and trying to egg me into a battle.
“The vision was becoming impossibly dense. I had lost sight of the awning of the tavern, of the floor of the agora, of the buildings opposite. I was in a terrain that belonged to these beings. I felt something touch me which was alive and warm. It was Zurvan’s hand.
“ ‘Become invisible,’ he said, ‘and surround me, hold as strong as you can to me and take me with you and up and out of here. I will remain flesh, I have to, but you will surround me, you will cloak me with invisibility and protect me.’
“I turned and saw him in brilliant colors of living flesh, and I did as he said, swirling around him, just letting every limb loosen and lengthen until I had him wrapped completely and then I moved out of the cafe, and up into the sky with him, through the thick gang of spirits, and through the startled demonic ones who howled and hissed at us, and tried to grab on to us. I threw them off.
“We went high above the city. I could see it beneath me as I first had, the beautiful peninsula jutting out into the blue sea and the ships at anchor with all their different flags, and men working in a fever, doing seemingly senseless but no doubt routine things.
“ ‘Take me to the mountains,’ said my Master, ‘take me to the farthest and highest mountain of the world, the mountain where the Gods came and around which the sun revolves, take me to the mountain called Meru. Take me there.’
“We rose up over the desert, over Babylonia, and I saw her cities scattered out like so many flowers, or traps. Traps. They looked like traps. They looked like traps built to make the gods fly down to them…the way flowers are traps for bees.
“ ‘Travel north,’ he said, ‘to the far north, and wrap me in blankets that I’ll be warm and hold me fast. Move with greater speed, until you hear me cry out in pain.’
“I obeyed, swaddling him in fine wool, and completely surrounding him and flying ever northward, until nothing lay below us but mountains, mountains capped with snow, and occasional fields, snowy and empty, where flocks grazed and men rode horses, and then it would be mountains again.
“ ‘Meru,’ he said, ‘Find it. Meru.’
“I set my mind to this completely and was only slowly aware that I couldn’t do it. There is no Meru that I can find,’ I said.
“ ‘It’s as I thought. Let us touch down on the earth, down there in the valley where the horses are running, let us touch down there.’
“We did, and I kept him swathed in blankets and surrounded by my invisibility, and realized that in this state I could press my face right beside his face.
