to his mouth, pressing his lips to her palm.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Happy,” she answered.
“Sore?”
She frowned. There were aches in places that were new, but they were minor. Something else was bothering her, something that lingered on the edge of her awareness but she held off by sheer force of will.
“The past is gone,” she said to that part of her that wanted to ruin this moment. “The future is for tomorrow.” He raised his eyebrows, wondering at her bizarre comment. So she smiled and pulled him close enough to kiss. But just before their mouths connected she whispered an explanation. “Right now is all that matters. And right now, I want you.”
He needed no more prompting. They kissed, he conquered, and after an exquisite interlude, they were again building toward that sea of bliss. No, not bliss. It was love. Sweet, joyous love. And at that moment, the fear hovering on the edge of her mind crashed through.
She loved Robert. Finally, she was in love. It was a state that she’d all but given up on, and now here it was. Love from the innermost, secret part of her soul. For the man who was her protector and would never, ever be her husband.
Pain from that thought cut through her. He was deep inside her, still pressing her heavily into the mattress, so she was able to grip him both inside and out, holding on to him like an anchor as a storm of emotion blew through her. It merged with the sensations he built as he thrust into her. And soon she lost all fear as she tumbled over the cliff.
But when the bliss faded, she was left with a melancholy kind of joy. After all, she was with him. He was kindness itself for the moment. And she was sure he cared for her, perhaps even deeply. Nothing else mattered, or so she told herself over and over while he collapsed onto his side, pulling out as he fell.
“My God,” he breathed, “this has been the best night of my life.”
“Mine, too,” she said, pleased that the words were true. Then she let him tug her tight to his side and gratefully closed her eyes. She would sleep with the man she loved. For an hour, perhaps. Maybe more.
He was asleep within five minutes. She lay awake for a good deal longer. In the end, she slipped out of his arms. Unlike him, she really couldn’t waste the day in bed. She had responsibilities to Gwen, if no one else.
She dressed quickly, careful not to make a sound. Or so she thought. But as she was struggling to fasten her gown, she heard his voice, a low rumble that heated her blood.
“Come here. I’ll get it.”
She looked up, seeing that his hair was tousled, his eyes sleepy, but his expression was anything but. Did he really want to make love again? And was her body heating again?
“You’re insatiable,” she said, speaking as much to him as to her.
“Only with you,” he answered.
She nodded, dismissing his comment as the usual flattery. But as she neared the bed so he could fasten her gown, he touched her arm and waited until she looked into his eyes.
“It’s true, Helaine. I cannot look at you without wanting you. And that has never happened to me before. Why do you think I pursued you so vehemently?”
“Because that is who you are. Doggedly persistent.”
He shook his head. “Because of you, Helaine. Because you are worth everything.”
She smiled, but the gesture was forced. In the end, she gave in to the whisper of sadness and asked the question. “But you have me now,” she said. “How long will you still want me?”
He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. She shivered in delight at the feel, but that did not stop her from waiting for an answer. Eventually it came. He looked up at her and shrugged.
“I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want you.”
She had no answer to that. Common sense told her that whatever he felt now, eventually their time would end. But common sense was hurting her mood, so she forced the thought away. She bent down, gave him a searing kiss, then straightened up and presented him with her back.
“Tease,” he said without heat. Then she felt him slowly button up her gown, taking his time as he stroked her skin before covering it up. By the time she was dressed, she wanted to strip it all off again.
But she really needed to get her day started. She needed to be buried in dress designs and fabrics and Gwen’s happiness. And maybe if she managed it, she would also find time to sit and talk to Wendy about everything that had happened. More than anyone else, Wendy understood the different roles she juggled in her life.
So she stepped away, shooting Robert an arch look. “You’re calling me a tease? When you lie there in bed looking like that?”
He spread his arms wide, inviting her to join him. “It’s only a tease if you say yes then leave. I am not going anywhere.”
“But I am. I have to think of something for Gwen’s new mother-in-law to wear to the wedding, and I have to approve the shoe ideas. Penny’s good, but it all must match. Irene wants me to inspect a shipment of velvet to see if it will suit, and Mama…well, Mama will want to talk to me about something. Always something.”
He listened, his eyes never leaving her face. “Is there any amount of money that would induce you to give up the shop and stay in my bed forever?”
She bit her lip, part of her wondering if she would give up the shop for a wedding ring. But that was not what he’d asked. His question was about money.
“No, Robert. There isn’t.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t think so. Forgive me for wishing it anyway.”
She smiled. “Forgiven. And now I really must go.” So she did. She turned her back on him and the haven he’d created in this room. She walked steadily down the hallway past the women who looked at her. They all knew she had spent the night. They knew what she was now, and she was startled to see envy on their faces. And an undercurrent of warning. They were protective of their “Sir.”
She smiled as best she could, acknowledging their message. Only Chandelle greeted her with any warmth. Then Helaine made it outside to hail a waiting cab. To her shame there were many hansoms loitering here, ready to take the lords back from the brothels. Twenty minutes later she would thankfully, blessedly be back at home where she could bathe, dress in her normal clothes, and finally start her day at well after noon.
So he began planning. He wanted to let rooms for them. Something close to her shop and near the Chandler. She would need a staff, of course. Butler, maid, cook, all very discreet. He wasn’t truly certain that he could afford to support both the Chandler and another household. Certainly not the kind he envisioned for Helaine. But he would find the money. She deserved that much at least.
It was midafternoon when the thought struck him. He was reading an article about cowpox and its similarity to smallpox. He wanted to make a note to contact the author of the article and reached into his desk to find paper. What he touched instead was his tin of French letters.
French letters. Condoms. The bulwark against pregnancy and disease that he purchased in large quantities for Chandelle to give away. He had her lecture the women ad nauseam about how these simple devices could quite literally save their lives. But only if they used them.
And he hadn’t.
Helaine could right now be pregnant.
Helaine didn’t even speak. She just gave her mother a warm kiss on her cheek. “I’m fine. It was wonderful. And…” Dare she say it? No, she couldn’t quite confess it all right then. So she went for the easier truth. “I think I’m happy, Mama.”
Her mother released a breath in relief, then gestured to the workroom. “Wendy and Penny are in there. They need to talk with you, but I’ll delay them.” Then she quickly spun Helaine around and undid her dress
