expects you to pay the check. But Bob was in a hurry, and he’ll pay you back tomorrow. You and Bob have always done that.”
Alex’s eyes fixed steadily on her. “I don’t remember that.”
“You don’t remember anything,” Lisa replied, her voice edged with anger. “So I’m telling you. Now, why don’t you just give Jake some money, and we’ll get out of here?” Then, when Alex still hesitated, she sighed. “Oh, never mind. I’ll do it myself.” She paid the check, and started toward the door. “You coming?”
Alex stood up and followed her out into the afternoon sunshine. They started walking toward the Cochrans’, and after a few minutes of silence, Lisa finally took Alex’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad.”
“That’s okay.” Alex dropped her hand, and kept walking.
“You mad at me?” Lisa asked.
“No.”
“Is something else wrong?”
Alex shrugged, then shook his head.
“Then how come you don’t want to hold hands?” Lisa ventured.
Alex said nothing, but wondered silently why holding hands seemed so important to her.
Apparently it was yet something else he didn’t remember. Feeling nothing, he ignored her outstretched hand.
Carol Cochran climbed the stairs to Lisa’s room, and found her daughter stretched out on the bed staring at the ceiling as the thundering music of her favorite rock group seemed to make the walls shake. Carol went to the stereo and turned the volume down, then perched on the edge of the bed.
“Want to tell me what’s wrong, or is it too big a secret?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Lisa replied. “I was just listening to my records.”
“For three solid hours,” Carol told her. “And it’s been the same record, over and over, which is driving your father crazy.”
Lisa rolled over onto her side and propped her head up on one hand. “It’s Alex. He’s … well, he’s just so different. Sometimes he’s almost spooky. He takes everything so seriously, you can’t even joke with him anymore.”
Carol nodded. “I know. I guess you just have to be patient. He might get over it.”
Lisa sat up. “But what if he doesn’t? Mom, what’s happening is terrible.”
“Terrible?” Carol repeated.
“It’s the other kids,” Lisa told her. “They’re starting to talk about him. They say all he ever does is ask questions like a little kid.”
“We know what that’s all about,” Carol replied.
Lisa nodded. “I know. But it still doesn’t make it any easier.”
“For whom?”
Lisa seemed startled by the question, then flopped onto her back again. “For me,” she whispered. Then: “I just get so tired of trying to explain him to everyone all the time. And it’s not just that, anyway,” she added, her voice suddenly defiant.
“Then what is it?”
“I’m not sure he likes me anymore. He … he never seems to want to hold hands with me, or kiss me, or anything. He’s just … oh, Mom, he just seems so cold.”
“I know about that, too,” Carol sighed. “But it’s not just you, honey. He’s that way with everyone.”
“Well, that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Carol shook her head, considering what to tell her daughter. Lisa sat against the headboard, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs, as her mother continued. “I’m going to go right on treating Alex the way I always have, and try not to let my feelings get hurt if he doesn’t respond the way he used to,” she said. “And he may never respond the way he used to. It’s a function of the accident. In a way, Alex is crippled now. But he’s still Alex, and he’s still my best friends’ son. If they can get through this, and Alex can get through this, so can I.”
“And so can I?” Lisa asked, but Carol shook her head.
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if you should try. You’re only sixteen, and there’s no reason at all that you should have to spend your time explaining Alex to anyone or trying to deal with his new personality. There are lots of other boys in La Paloma, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t date them.”
“But I can’t just dump Alex,” Lisa protested.
“I’m not saying you should,” Carol replied. “All I’m saying is that you have to make certain decisions based on what’s best for you. If it’s too difficult for you to go on spending so much time with Alex, then you shouldn’t do it. And you shouldn’t feel badly about it, either.”
Lisa’s eyes filled with tears. “But I
“Then don’t do anything,” Carol told her. “Just take it all day by day, and see what happens. In time, it will all work out.”
Lisa nodded, then got up from the bed and went to the stereo, where she changed the record. Then, with her back to her mother, she said, “What if it doesn’t work out, Mom? What if Alex never changes? What’s going to happen to him?”
Carol rose to her feet and pulled her daughter close. “I don’t know,” she said. “But in the end, it really isn’t your problem, is it? It’s Alex’s problem, and his parents’ problem. It’s only yours if you make it yours, and you don’t have to. Do you understand that?”
Lisa nodded. “I guess so,” she said. She wiped her eyes, and forced a smile. “And I’ll be all right,” she said. “I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself.”
“And for Alex,” Carol added. “I know how much you want to help him and how bad it feels not to be able to.” She started toward the door. “But there is one thing you can do,” she added before she left the room. “Turn that awful music down, so at least your sister can get some sleep. Good night.”
“ ’Night, Mom.” As the door closed, Lisa plugged in her headset, and the room fell silent as the music from the stereo poured directly into her ears.
Alex lay awake late into the night, pondering what had happened at Jake’s Place and on the way home afterward. He knew he’d made a mistake, but he still couldn’t quite figure it out.
Lisa had wanted to hold hands with him, and even though he didn’t understand why, he should have gone ahead and done it anyway. And she had been mad at him, which was another thing he didn’t understand.
There was so much that just didn’t make any sense.
At the beginning of the week, there had been the strange memories, and the odd pain that had gone through his head when he’d first seen Maria Torres.
And beyond those things, which he was sure he would eventually figure out, there were the other things, the concepts he was beginning to feel certain he would never understand.
Love.
That was something he couldn’t get any kind of grasp on. His mother was always telling him that she loved him, and he didn’t really doubt that she did.
The trouble was, he didn’t understand what love was. He’d looked it up, and read that it was a feeling of affection.
But, as he had slowly come to understand as he read more, apparently he didn’t have feelings.
It was something he was only beginning to be aware of, and he didn’t know whether he should talk to Dr. Torres about it or not. All he knew so far was that things seemed to happen to other people that didn’t happen to him.
Things like anger.
He knew Lisa had been angry at him this afternoon, and he knew it was a feeling that she got when he did
