How?
Strings. Blow jobs.
Me laughing through tears.
Hang up the black Bakelite receiver.
The cafe owner, a police narc: Bad news?
Yeah. My father. Dead.
On a road in the mountains of Colorado.
That road, out there. Out the window.
Oh, Papa, there’s nothing I can do for you. This is the Castle of No Escape. And I like it here. Yuma, land of the Yankees. I like it. I asked for the key to my own dungeon, a thousand miles from the dandelions on the salt trail and the bean-fed boys and the red dirt fields and the teardrop skies.
That road.
A creak on the deck outside.
Someone there. This time I’m certain.
I’m alert, fully awake, flooded with adrenaline. I sit up quickly, look for shadows on the balcony. Nothing, but I know I’m not imagining things-that was no squirrel or stray dog. That was boot on wood.
I throw back the duvet, jog to the fireplace, and grab a cast-iron poker with a vicious-looking hook at the end.
I undo the lock on the french doors and walk onto the deck, checking blind spots and the roof.
Fresh powder under my feet.
No one answers. But the birds are quiet.
The gate’s closed, no strange cars, nothing out of the ord-
Wait a minute. Bootmarks in the gravel. Bootprints coming to the house.
“Hello,” Sheriff Briggs says behind me.
I bite down a yell and turn.
He’s wearing an overcoat but I can tell he’s got the full uniform on underneath. He’s come as a cop.
“You scared me. I didn’t see you there,” I tell him.
He flashes the pearly grin, rubs the bottom of his chin.
“Yeah.”
He looks at my breasts through Jack’s T-shirt. Fishes into his pocket and pulls out a cigar. Other pocket, Zippo. I shouldn’t be waiting out here. It looks guilty. I should go back inside.
“Excuse me,
He shakes his head. “No, you don’t.”
“But Senor Tyrone is-”
“I’m not after Jack. I’m looking for you.”
Meek. Eyes down. “For me?”
“Yeah, for you.”
“What do you mean,
He grins, blows a smoke ring. “No, no, don’t do that to me. I know your English is just fine. Now be like a good little puppy and take a seat over there.”
He points at a wooden deck chair. I brush off the thin layer of snow and sit. Water seeps up from the wood, through Jack’s sweatpants and against my skin.
“You weren’t in the motel,” Briggs says, leaning forward and taking the poker out of my hand.
“No.”
“Weren’t in the motel so I asked around and figured you were here.”
“Have I broken a law?” I ask.
“Well, if you were whoring here and not cutting Esteban or myself in, I’d say that you were breaking a law, but I don’t think you’re whoring, are you?”
I shake my head.
“No, Maria, I don’t think you’re whoring, because I don’t think you need the money.”
“I do not understand,
“It’s just a hunch, but something tells me you don’t need the money that badly,” he says with another grin.
The cold is making me tremble. No. It isn’t the cold. I force myself to stop it.
“If I haven’t done anything wrong, I’d like to go back inside,” I tell him.
“You’re not going anywhere until you answer me a few questions.”
“Ok.”
“‘Ok’… Yeah, that’s the fucking spirit. Ok. How long have you been here? Three days. You should know the score by now. Question number one. Whose fucking town is this?”
“Your town,
“My town. Absolutely goddamn right. My fucking town. I’m the sheriff. I’m the representative of the republic. I’m the fucking Lord High Executioner. That’s right. We got Tom Cruise but it’s my fucking town.”
His voice has risen. His face is red.
Something’s happened. He’s found something out.
Did Paco blab about New Mexico? Have the
He unbuttons his coat, places his boot on the arm of my chair, and continues. “You think something could happen here and I wouldn’t know? You’re very much mistaken,
“Yes,
“The last time I existed in a state of ignorance was Gulf War One. We thought we were the invasion but we were only the diversion. No one’s played me like that since. No one and certainly not some Mex cunt who’s too fucking proud to whore for us. Why are you so fucking proud? You think you’re going to get Jackie here to marry you? You think he’s going to knock you up? Is that your fucking plan? Or is blackmail more your game? Play both angles at the same fucking time?”
The other shining leather boot lands on my chair with a clump. He crosses his legs and those eyes bore into me.
Take it easy, I tell myself. He doesn’t know anything for sure. He’s still fishing. He’s got something but he doesn’t see everything. Yet.
“No answer?” he says.
“I don’t know what you mean,
“What did you hear? What rumors are they spreading in that Mex motel of yours?”
Spittle flying from his lips. Real anger in his words. And now I’m afraid. Afraid of those big hands more than the gun. Beat me to death with two blows.
Again an image of a naked body, yellow and blue, bloated, a skull for a face, maggots for eyes. That’s me there in that soft brown earth, under those big trees, unloved, unfound forever.
He pauses to get his breath back, squints at me. “Well?” he says.
I’m supposed to answer.
“But I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say truthfully.
“You don’t know what I’m talking about? I think you fucking do. I think someone has been shooting their mouth off and you’ve seen the chance for a few dollars more. A chance for the big score. Is that right? I mean, why concern yourself with blow-job money when you can shoot for millions?”
Anything I say will only provoke him.
He waits me out.
“Perhaps you could tell me what I have done wrong?”
He nods, smashes his fist into his hand, gets up, and walks behind me. I stare straight ahead. If I don’t look back the monster won’t be there. Right, Dad?
