“The thing is, Jess… I did it all because I wanted us to be friends,” I say. And it’s true. I really did. “I just wanted us to be friends.”
I expect to see her face softening, but if anything she looks more contemptuous than before.
“And you always have to get what you want,” she says. “Don’t you, Becky?”
I feel my face flame.
“Wh-What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re spoiled!” Her harsh voice cuts like a knife. “What you want, you get! Everything’s handed to you on a plate. If you get into trouble your parents bail you out, and if they don’t, Luke does! Your whole life makes me sick.” She gestures with her book. “It’s empty! You’re shallow and materialistic… and I’ve never met anyone so obsessed with their own appearance and shopping—”
“Talk about obsessed!” I shriek. “Talk about obsessed! You’re obsessed with saving money! I’ve never met anyone so bloody miserly! You’ve got thirty grand in the bank and you go around like you’re penniless! Getting free bubble wrap and horrible bruised bananas! Who cares if washing powder costs forty pence less?”
“You’d care if you’d been buying your own washing powder since the age of fourteen,” Jess snaps back. “Maybe if you took a little more care of the forty pence here and there you wouldn’t get into trouble. I heard about how you nearly ruined Luke in New York. I just don’t understand you!”
“Well, I don’t understand you!” I yell, in tears. “I was so excited when I heard I had a sister, I thought we’d bond and be friends. I thought we could go shopping, and have fun… and eat peppermint creams on each other’s beds… ”
“Peppermint creams?” Jess looks at me as though I’m crazy. “Why would we want to eat peppermint creams?”
“Because!” I flail my arms in frustration. “Because it would be fun! You know, ‘fun’?”
“I know how to have fun,” she snaps.
“Reading about rocks?” I grab Petrography of British Igneous Rocks. “How can rocks be interesting? They’re just… rocks! They’re the most boring hobby in the world! Which just about suits you!”
Jess gasps. “Rocks are… not boring!” she lashes back, grabbing her book. “They’re a lot more interesting than peppermint creams and mindless shopping and getting yourself into debt!”
“Did you have a fun bypass operation or something?”
“Did you have a responsibility bypass operation?” yells Jess. “Or were you just born a spoiled brat?”
We glare at each other, both trying to collect ourselves. The kitchen is silent apart from the whir of the fridge-freezer.
I’m not entirely sure what the Gracious Hostess is supposed to do in this situation.
Jess’s chin tightens. “Well… I don’t think there’s any point in my sticking around. I can catch a coach back to Cumbria if I leave now.”
“Fine.”
“I’ll get my stuff.”
“You do that.”
She turns on her heel and leaves the kitchen, and I take another swig of wine. My head is pounding.
She can’t be my sister. She can’t be. She’s a miserable, tightwad, sanctimonious cow, and I never want to see her again.
Never.
The Cindy Blaine Show
Cindy Blaine TV Productions
43 Hammersmith Bridge Road
London W6 8TH
Mrs Rebecca Brandon
37 Maida Vale Mansions
Maida Vale
London NW6 0YF
22 May 2003
Dear Mrs Brandon:
Thank you for your message.
We are sorry to hear you will no longer be able to appear on the Cindy Blaine show “I Found a Sister and a Soul Mate.”
May we suggest that you appear instead on our upcoming show “My Sister Is a Bitch!!!” Please give me a call if this idea appeals to you.
Very best wishes,
Kayleigh Stuart
Assistant Producer
(mobile: 077878 3456789)
FINERMAN WALLSTEIN
Attorneys-at-Law
Finerman House
1398 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10105
Mrs. Rebecca Brandon
37 Maida Vale Mansions
Maida Vale
London NW6 0YF
May 27, 2003
Dear Mrs. Brandon:
Thank you for your message. I have altered your will according to your instructions. Clause 5, section (f) now reads:
“And nothing at all to Jess, since she’s so mean. And anyway, she’s got heaps of money.”
With kind regards,
Jane Cardozo
Fifteen
I DON’T CARE. Who needs a sister? Not me.
I never wanted one in the first place. I never asked for one. I’m fine on my own.
And anyway, I’m not on my own. I’ve got a strong and loving marriage. I don’t need some crummy sister!
“Stupid sister,” I say aloud, wrenching the lid off a pot of jam. It’s nearly two weeks since Jess left. Luke’s
