Anda lowered herself carefully down on the bench beside Kami and sighed gratefully. “Goddess’ tits, but it feels good to sit,” she said, rubbing her swollen belly. The young guardswoman, in the final weeks of her first pregnancy, wore a haggard expression, clearly approaching the limits of her endurance. “Ooh, I’ll be glad when this baby is out of me! If it wasn’t so much fun making them, I’d never have another,” she groaned, running a hand through her close-cropped, chestnut hair.
“ It shouldn’t matter that Jelena is a hikui, Anda,” Kami insisted hotly.
“ Of course it should! Lord Ashinji is okui. He’s high-born and pure and should be with his own kind.” Anda reached for a chicken leg. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings, Jelena,” she said around a mouthful of meat. “But you, of all people, should know I’m right.”
“
“ Please, Kami, no. Anda is right,” she said, a catch in her voice. “I know I am not suitable girl for Lord Ashinji. Please do not argue over this.”
“ I am sorry, Jelena,” Anda repeated, then after a short pause, said, “Several hikui families live in the district, you know. There must be some eligible sons among them. I’m certain if you let it be known that you are looking, Lord Sen could arrange something for you.”
Jelena realized that Anda believed her suggestion to be helpful; still, the surge of anger that swept through her caught her by surprise and left a painful knot in her gut in its wake.
“ I will not be looking any time soon,” she replied.
An uncomfortable silence descended on the room. Anda finished off her chicken leg and started in on a scrap of wing. Aneko sipped at her beer, her expression unreadable. Kami sniffed loudly and traced circles on the tabletop with a forefinger, chin still firmly planted in hand.
Jelena stared at her tightly clenched fists without seeing them, her mind lost in a haze of despondency. A painful cramp in her fingers brought her back to herself, and slowly, she forced her hands to relax.
Kami finally broke the silence with a change of subject. “Lord Sadaiyo’s bride is to arrive tomorrow. I’ve heard that she is a real breaker of both horses and men,” she said, smirking.
“ Lady Misune is a fine warrior, Kami, and will be mistress of us all one day. You’d do well to remember that,” Aneko chided. Oftimes, Jelena noticed, Aneko played the role of disciplinarian, reining in Kami’s youthful impudence.
“ I’m only saying it because I admire her,” Kami sulked. “I wish that I had such things said about me!”
“ Your problem, my girl, is that you’re always wanting things you can’t have,” Aneko retorted.
“ Ai! You are worse than my grandmother!” Kami shot back.
“ Tell me about Lady Misune,” Jelena asked, hoping that a bit of gossip would lighten her mood.
“ She is the oldest daughter of Lord Dai of Manza,” Aneko began. “Manza’s the district just to the north of Kerala, beyond the Great Forest. She is supposed to be both beautiful and intelligent, which is why, no doubt, Lord and Lady Sakehera chose her for the Heir. We’ll all know soon enough what she’s like.”
“ She’d better be very tolerant,” Anda said. “It’s no secret that Lord Sadaiyo has a roving eye.”
“ From what I’ve heard, I don’t think Lord Sadaiyo would dare to stray,” Kami chimed in with a mischievous grin.
“ Well, I should be getting back,” Anda announced. “That husband of mine will be home soon and wondering where I’ve gotten myself to. He’s been as nervous as a broody hen through this entire pregnancy!” She rose ponderously to her feet, belly in the lead.
“ Good husbands should be, especially with the first one,” Kami commented. “I’ll be glad when you’re back on duty. I’m tired of working double shifts.”
Anda laughed. “I’ll remember your words when you’re knocked up with Gendan’s brat and I’m covering for you! G’bye, all.”
After Anda had departed, Kami and Aneko cleared away the remains of the meal, leaving the jug of beer and three mugs behind. When Jelena offered to assist, they politely refused.
“ You’re still not completely healed, yet. Lord Ashinji ordered us to make sure that you rest,” Kami explained.
“ I am sick of resting!” Jelena grumbled in annoyance. She felt perfectly fine and ready to start her duties as Lord Sakehera’s messenger. To prove it, tomorrow she would go down to the stables and select a mount. When Ashinji saw that she was well enough to ride, he would have to give in and let her work.
The guardswomen rejoined Jelena at the table and Aneko poured more beer. “Don’t let Anda get to you, Jelena,” she said.
“ Anda can be a real bitch, sometimes,” Kami added. “It’s the way she was raised. You know
Jelena forced her mouth into a smile, appreciating her friends’ attempts to comfort and reassure her. “What Anda says does not bother me,” she lied. “It is something I have heard many times before…in different words, from people I grew up with.”
“ I’ve served Lord Sen for many years,” Aneko said. “And he’s never shown anything but fairness to any person living in Kerala, be they hikui or okui. He’s that kind of a man, and he’s tried to set a good example for all of us.” She took a sip of beer and wiped her lips on the back of her hand.
“ I’ve known Lord Ashinji his whole life,” she continued. “When he was very young, back when he lived here at Kerala Castle full time, he had one or two boyish crushes, but they were passing fancies. Never have I seen him in love…until now, and I can tell you truly, that purity of blood makes no difference to him.”
“ Please, Aneko! You must not say this thing,” Jelena begged. “You know situation of mine. Impossible for me, for us to…Ugh! My Siri-dar is not good enough to make known feelings of mine with proper words!”
Kami nodded sympathetically.
Aneko’s kind expression told Jelena that the older woman understood perfectly.
“ We commoners are more fortunate than noble folk in some ways,” Aneko said. “Most of us get to choose for ourselves whom we would mate with. Lord Ashinji will have to marry according to his parents’ wishes, but that doesn’t mean that the two of you can’t be together. You have won his heart, and that will be yours for the keeping, even after he marries.”
Jelena shook her head vigorously. “No! I refuse…not for me the life of a concubine! I left Amsara for this reason. My uncle, he would force me into loveless…how to say what is a binding agreement? I would be concubine only, never wife. I chose to run. I will not…be
She jumped up from the table, upsetting the half-full mug of beer before her, sending the foamy amber liquid gushing over the scarred wood. Sorrow and anger in equal measure threatened to tear her heart to pieces. The air of the common room suddenly lost all ability to nourish her lungs. She had to flee or suffocate.
Heedless of the concerned cries of her companions, Jelena flung herself through the open door and pelted headlong down the stairs into the stableyard. Stumbling to a halt at the bottom, she doubled over in pain and grabbed at her side. She sagged down onto the bottom step and leaned against the sun-warmed wood of the wall. Eyes tightly shut, she willed the pain to pass while acknowledging the not so subtle reminder that her body still had not fully healed.
The vibration of footsteps upon the stairs caused her to open her eyes and look up.
“ Jelena,” Aneko said softly. She settled down on the step beside Jelena and tenderly caressed her shoulder. “You must love our young lord very much.”
Jelena nodded. “With all my heart. From the moment I first saw him.”
“ Then it’s no wonder that you won’t settle for anything less than a full partnership with him. I wouldn’t either, if I were in your place. I meant no insult to you when I suggested that you consider a…lesser arrangement. I only meant to show you that there was a way to be with him, even if you two can’t marry.”
Hearing it put so plainly-
How can the gods be so cruel? What did I ever do to deserve such punishment? Why did they bring me here so that I could fall in love with Ashinji when they knew that I could never have him? Am I doomed never to be happy?
“ Jelena!… Jelena!”
