“I am,” she confirmed. “Thank you.” She smiled inwardly and then asked, “How do you manage it all without going nuts? This week I’ve been up and down so much emotionally, I don’t know where I am anymore.”
Darcy studied her face then carefully reached out and offered her his free hand.
She stared at it a moment, then took it with a squeeze. “A part of me wants to go away from all this. To go home and just be me again and stay in one place for a week.”
Darcy’s eyes turned sad. “You can never go back, Elizabeth. I thought you knew that.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I know. I feel like I’m on a ship crossing the ocean. I can’t go backward, and I can’t get off, I can only go where the ship takes me.”
“Do you regret your trip?” Darcy asked, his eyes searching hers.
“No,” she said with a surprising certainty. “No, this is what I wanted. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always easy, but it is what I want.”
Darcy seemed impressed with her answer. He squeezed her hand again and then released it to continue eating.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked as the waitress refilled their tea.
Darcy shrugged.
“I notice I’ve never seen you drink alcohol,” she observed.
Darcy finished the bite in his mouth. “Simple reason, I don’t.”
“Not at all?”
“Not usually,” Darcy shook his head. “I don’t like to be under the influence of anything.”
She smiled and arched her eyebrow. “Oh, the famous Darcy control.”
He stilled and took a long look at her, his eyes sweeping down and up her body. Elizabeth swallowed hard as she knew they were both remembering their earlier moments together.
She licked her lips nervously and tried to continue the conversation. “I mean, um, you seem so different from your public, bad-boy image,” she stammered.
Darcy visibly refocused himself. “That’s because it is just that, a public image. It’s useful to let people believe you are something you are not. It gives you some distance from the fans,” he answered, not without some difficulty.
Elizabeth made herself look away from his lips. “I, um, I was just surprised.” She smiled weakly. “You hear all these rumors of decadence and depravity, and you have all been practically monks.”
Darcy looked at her in amused disbelief. Elizabeth laughed at herself and amended her statement. “Okay, well, Richard is certainly not a monk.”
Darcy shook his head no, his mouth curled into a grin.
“All right!” Elizabeth said with mock surrender. “Okay, I take it back. I’m the only one living a monk life. Everyone else is getting plenty of action. Happy?”
Darcy’s forehead crinkled. “You think so?”
“Well, Richard and Charlotte have been busy, we both know that.” Darcy nodded. “And I suspect Jane and Charles are doing something more than just writing songs. And you have that Amy woman,” she tried to say lightly, but failed utterly.
Darcy smiled to himself. “Amy is my head attorney with Darcy Technologies. Our relationship is strictly professional.”
Elizabeth looked at him with frank disbelief.
“All right,” Darcy sighed. “Years ago, Amy and I had a relationship.”
“What happened?”
He lifted an indifferent shoulder. “She graduated from law school and got a position with a firm, and Slurry got big and started touring constantly. We soon figured out that we wanted different things.”
Elizabeth nodded understandingly. “I know that story.”
Darcy looked at her curiously and then continued. “She got married two years ago. We’re still good friends, but that’s all.”
Elizabeth felt stupid for making him explain this to her. Then it dawned on her that he had been just as celibate as her.
“So, what is your story?” he asked. Despite the lightness of his tone, Elizabeth knew he wasn’t asking just to be polite.
“Not much story to tell. Currently, my only emotional relationship is with my guitars.”
He grinned and waited.
She grinned back, seeing she was not getting out of answering the question. “I suspect you know this one already. I haven’t been able to find a man with whom I could make a long-term relationship work, and the one- night stand thing just isn’t my style.”
He sipped his tea thoughtfully. “But you’ve tried.”
“Oh, I’ve tried. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just, well, you know, you’re a musician. Most people don’t understand that you have to work every Friday and Saturday night.”
“And that you are going to be on the road as much as possible,” Darcy added.
“Exactly,” she replied, her words gaining speed, “and that you don’t just have time to lie around all day playing house with them. That you actually do have to spend your time composing and rehearsing.” She stopped short and blushed. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to rant.”
He shook his head. “No, I understand completely.” He took another sip of tea and continued. “Have you tried dating other musicians?” he asked with an upturned eyebrow.
“No, I, ah, dated someone once in the business, but it didn’t work out. And besides, I’m so busy with my career I really don’t have the time. I’m just putting romance on the back burner. You know?”
He nodded.
“So, this bad-boy thing that you do, it’s all just an act?” she said, trying to bring the conversation back to him.
“Not all of it,” Darcy replied. “Have you ever seen a stage magician?” Elizabeth nodded. “Diversion is the name of the game.” He held up his left hand and fanned his fingers. “Keep looking at this hand, so you don’t see the other palming the quarter.”
“Okay, I get that, but why? What are you hiding?”
Darcy pointed over at the other table, where the rest of the party was eating. “If you were a journalist, with no moral fiber, what would you see there?”
“Jane and Charles holding hands,” she answered softly.
“And what would happen if the tabloids got hold of Jane and Charles?”
“They would be all over it, putting it on the covers of all the magazines.” Elizabeth frowned. “They would portray it in the worst possible light. Make Jane out to be a gold digger or something.”
“Exactly.”
“And that would really hurt Charles and Jane; they both want people to think the best of them.” She turned her eyes to Darcy. “Whereas you couldn’t really care less if they post outrageous lies about you. You are protecting your friends by using yourself as a shield.”
Darcy lifted his cup in admiration. “Perfect.”
“Don’t you have secrets you want to keep out of the news?” she asked.
Darcy grinned mirthlessly. “Everyone has secrets, Elizabeth, but the image protects me as much as anyone else. They are so busy looking for the outrageous stuff that they miss the things that really matter.”
She looked at him in a new light. She realized he was willing to sacrifice his own comfort for his friends, but she couldn’t help but note that this was another way for him to control what was going on around him.
Caroline Bingley sat alone in the dim light as she sipped her drink. From her table at the hotel bar, she could see the main entrance. There was no concert tonight, the bands were all safely in the hotel, and she had made sure that Collins was off the premises. Now her face reflected the exhaustion she felt as she took another sip of her drink, the whisky biting her throat as she swallowed.
She tried to erase the images that she kept seeing again and again in her mind, those of Elizabeth and Darcy: sitting together, sharing an intimate conversation, him holding her hand, and then later, the shy way he had put his arm around her as he led her to the hotel elevators. That was when Caroline decided she needed a
