gentle way she was dealing with the three children, Elizabeth could tell she was deeply anxious.
Jane seemed to be functioning, albeit slowly, as she brushed and braided the hair of the little girl who sat in her lap. “Lizzy,” she said softly.
“Yes?”
“I want you to stay with me when he comes.”
Elizabeth nodded. “When do you expect him?”
“I don’t know,” Jane said, her eyes once again losing focus.
“What are you going to say to him?”
“I guess that depends on what he says to me.”
“What do you want?”
“I want the hurting to stop, Lizzy. I just want to be happy.”
It was at that moment that their cousin, a nine-year-old boy named Erik, came running into the kitchen. “Jane, come here, quickly!” he exclaimed.
Jane and Elizabeth followed the boy into the living room where the television was on. MTV was positioned between Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon, and the children found something that stopped their channel flipping. Jane was on the screen singing “Everything You Are.”
“Jane,” the eldest child said, “Erik said this was you on the TV, but I told him it couldn’t be you.”
“Actually, Steph, it is Jane,” Elizabeth answered cheerfully. “Look, see? There’s me and Aunt Charlotte.”
Jane was watching the TV, a sad smile on her face.
“Oh,” said Stephanie, “I just thought it couldn’t be you. I forgot you are famous.”
Jane smiled and pulled the girl close. “That’s me,” she said, “your famous babysitting cousin.” They laughed and watched the TV some more.
“You look pretty there,” Stephanie told Jane, with the typical honesty of a child.
“Thank you. I had a lot of people working on me to make me look pretty.”
“You know, that’s the third time this morning I’ve heard that song,” a deep voice said. “I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a sign.”
Elizabeth and Jane turned around quickly. Behind them stood Charles, holding the hand of the seven-year- old girl.
“Jane,” said Michaela, “I answered the door. This man was looking for you.”
The color drained out of Jane’s face. “Thank you, dear,” she replied automatically.
“Why don’t you all watch TV, and a little later I’ll take you swimming,” Elizabeth told the children.
The young cousins gave their general assent, and Elizabeth led the adults into the kitchen. Automatically, Elizabeth found herself pouring a cup of juice for Charles, knowing it was his morning preference. She smiled bitterly at the ironic situation they found themselves in, and brought the cup to him, sitting at the table with Jane.
Jane stared at her cup, unable to speak as Charles looked at her nervously. “How have you been, Charles?” Elizabeth asked conversationally.
“All right, I guess,” he shrugged. “How are you? I was surprised to find you here.”
Elizabeth smiled. “You know our glamorous life.”
“We’re giving Lydia and Kitty a week off,” Jane explained.
Charles smiled warmly at Jane, carefully examining her with his eyes. “I’m not surprised. You’re so generous and kind.” Then he paused and looked away.
“How has everyone been?” Elizabeth asked, trying to keep the conversation going. “Caro, Richard, Will?” Her voice was a trifle unsteady on the last name.
“Oh, Caro is fine. Faust is coming back from London tomorrow, and she is going to spend the last week of the break with him. Richard’s been hanging out at his family’s place on the Cape.”
“And Will?”
“I haven’t spoken to him,” Charles said simply. He turned to Jane. “Could I speak to you—alone?”
Jane looked from Charles to Elizabeth. Elizabeth’s eyes told her she would do whatever Jane wanted.
“Please,” Charles added softly.
Jane nodded and moved to the dining room. There they could speak softly without being overheard, but they were still close enough to Elizabeth. Elizabeth kept herself busy by washing the morning dishes, then by finding random chores to do. She wanted to keep her promise and stay with Jane, and the work helped her think. She wished Charles had some news about Will; she was starting to worry about him. Elizabeth set up her laptop on the kitchen table and was disappointed to find there was still nothing in her email box from either Will or Caroline.
“You look tired,” Charles said gently as he sat down at the table with Jane.
Jane’s mouth curled up in what could have been a weak smile or a grimace. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Charles smiled gently. “I understand. I haven’t slept well in over two weeks.” His hands were restless. Instinctually, they kept reaching for Jane and he had to keep reminding himself not to touch her, not to hold her the way he wanted. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? How much can change in two weeks?”
Jane looked at him mutely and nodded.
“Did you mean it?” he asked. “When you sang ‘The Longest Good-bye’? Did you mean it? Were… Are you really ready to give it all up? Just like that?” He couldn’t mask the bitter hurt in his voice.
“What else could I do?” she asked, her voice low. “Did you expect me to just sit around? To let you and your friends keep messing with my friends and me? You hurt me. You hurt all of us, and I couldn’t stay there and let it go on.”
Charles looked down at the table and closed his eyes. Her words cut him deeply, and even more painful was the knowledge that she was right, and he deserved it. “Will you let me explain, please?”
“What difference will it make?” she asked wearily.
“It will make a difference because I love you and you love me.” Jane shook her head but he would not be stopped. “No, Jane. I was wrong, completely wrong and I admit that. I didn’t trust you with the truth and I should have. But I know you told me the truth when you told me you loved me. And you may not believe me, but I do love you. I have since the night we met and I will never stop.” His words were fierce and intense. He carefully took one of her limp hands in his own and said, “Please, let me explain. You deserve to know.”
Jane looked at him for a long time. His hair and body were the same, but his face had changed. He looked older, and his eyes were marked by a sadness she had never seen in him before. His perpetual cheerfulness was gone, and looking at him, Jane was hard pressed to remember it; his face was so stricken. Jane squeezed his hand and nodded to him to start.
Charles squeezed her hand back in gratitude and began. “Almost six years ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.” He closed his eyes against the painful memory. “At first I thought it was nothing. Yes, it meant an operation, but I figured with all the different treatments, she would be okay.” He paused and looked into her eyes. “I was wrong. She fought it, we all fought it together, for nineteen months, but in the end, there was nothing left. She died four years ago this month.”
Jane’s mouth fell open in involuntary sympathy. She reached out to take his hand in both of hers.
Charles continued, “When she finally died, I was devastated, but I was also exhausted. Caro and I had been pushing to finish our degrees, because that was what she wanted, while we were spending as much of our free time with her as possible. I got to the point where I knew the flight schedule between San Francisco and Providence as well as I knew my class schedule,” he said with a quick grin, “but in the end, there was nothing we could do but grieve together, and we did.”
“I’m sorry,” Jane said compassionately.
“So am I. She would’ve loved you,” he told her, his eyes gently holding hers. “Anyway, after she was buried, I found I needed to get away from California. Home had too many bad memories and I just needed a break, so I flew out to New York and spent some time with my best friend, Will.” His voice was thick with memories. “Will was going through a hard time with his band, and somehow focusing on him and his problems made it easier to handle the pain from my own loss.” He looked at her and shrugged. “Well, you know this part of the story. I joined the
