band, we were a huge success, I got Caro to come out and work with us.
“But I left my father behind,” he said slowly. “I talked to him regularly, but I was busy, busy being a star, and busy working through my grief. I didn’t realize that I had left Dad all alone or that he wouldn’t be able to handle it.” Charles frowned.
Jane could see he was blaming himself for something. “What happened?” she prompted him gently.
“You know, I still don’t totally know,” he said in bitter amusement. “I was doing great, top of the world, and one day I get a call, and Dad’s been arrested.” His face struggled with his emotions. “He was charged with insider trading.” He looked at Jane, his face puzzled, as if she might have an answer. “Apparently he pissed off the wrong people. I don’t know. All I know is that he was alone. Mom was gone and Caro and I were gone, and no one was there for him.”
“Charles, it’s not your fault,” Jane told him, her hand on his arm.
Charles shrugged. “The worst part of it was I still couldn’t be with him. Will was there when this all broke. He was great. He was the clear head we needed. Right away he saw what would happen if the tabloids got hold of the story, so he and Caro worked like crazy to make sure it didn’t happen. That’s where all those crazy rumors about the band came from. Darcy deliberately leaked them, so the press would chase him and ignore me.”
He sighed. “But even still, I couldn’t go to the trial. It was too chancy. Instead I stayed in New York, very publicly, while Caro slipped out to him.” His voice was bitter and tired.
Jane couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Elizabeth had told her it was something bad with Charles’s father, but she had no idea. She was touched by the pain and guilt he felt, and as she held his hand, trying to help him deal with his feelings of guilt, Jane realized something. Charles hadn’t kept the news of his father from her because he didn’t trust her to keep the secret. He hadn’t told her because he was ashamed. He felt guilty and ashamed for his father and for himself, and he was afraid she would be ashamed of him too. Her heart broke with this knowledge, and she knew then that she loved him, that she would always love him.
“He was convicted and sentenced to two years in prison.” Charles’s voice had taken on a strange, emotionless tone that was quite unlike him. “He served for a year, and during that time, I only visited him twice.”
“You should have told me,” Jane said gently, her hand stroking his. “You shouldn’t have carried this all on your own.”
Charles looked at her, his eyes filled with so much despair that it had completely defeated him. “I know. I know,” he told her regretfully. “I still can’t believe it. My dad, he took me on my first camping trip and taught me how to ride a bike and now he’s an ex-convict. I just can’t reconcile… Anyway, two weeks ago was his parole hearing. That’s why I was in California. He was released and Caro and I spent the week getting him settled. When he was convicted, he had us sell his house. There were too many memories there and most of his money was gone with all the fines he was forced to pay. When I bought the place in Muir Beach, I made sure it had a separate apartment on the grounds, so he would have a place to live when he was released. I spent the last week helping him get readjusted to being free.”
Jane’s hand reached up and brushed his soft golden curls. “That was very kind of you. You’re a good son.”
He shook his head slowly. “Jane, if I were a good son, this never would have happened. I would have stayed closer to him and made sure he was okay, instead of running away.”
Jane touched his face, stilling him and bringing his eyes up to meet hers. “Charles, it’s not your fault. He made his own choices.” She stopped and took a deep breath then committed to her course and revealed something she had never told anyone. “My parents, they have a lot of problems too. It’s not obvious, but it’s there. My mom overspends terribly and my dad is…” she sighed, “he’s very hard on her. He hurts her feelings and puts her down all the time. And it’s very hard. You want to help your parents, because you love them, but you can’t. You have to break away and let them live their own lives, because you can’t rescue them every time and you can’t make them change. I’ve tried.”
Charles looked at her eyes, which were open to him, and he saw the truth in her words. He opened his arms to her and she was there, holding him tight, and he wasn’t certain who was comforting who, only that they had a moment of perfect understanding.
“I missed you so much, Jane,” Charles whispered into her hair. “Every day I missed you and every night was a thousand times worse. I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the phone and started dialing you, to tell you to fly out. I needed you.”
“Why didn’t you?” Jane asked.
“Because I’m a fool. Because I didn’t think you would understand. I knew you had appearances and work, and I didn’t… I couldn’t tell you about Dad over the phone, and I didn’t think you would just drop everything and fly out to California because I asked you.”
Jane locked eyes with him. “If you had called and told me you needed me, I would have come. Nothing would have kept me away.”
“I know,” Charles said as he kissed her lightly and pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m a fool, Jane. I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
Jane found that once she had loosed her emotions, she couldn’t hold them back. “What happened when you came back?”
Charles gave a bitter snort. “You mean when I sunk from fool to moron? I was miserable. I just needed to see you. I don’t know why, but I went to the party and I got drunk. I hated myself and my life and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I got blotto.”
“What about the picture?”
“What picture?” he asked, genuinely confused.
“There was a picture of you in the paper with that girl,” Jane explained, her voice carefully neutral.
“Really?” Charles asked. He shrugged. “I had no idea.” Then he looked at her as a thought passed over him. “You didn’t think that I…?”
Jane shook her head. “I didn’t know what to think, Charles. From your phone calls, I thought you wanted to break up with me.”
“No! Jane, never!” He sighed and dropped his head, “
Jane believed him. He was holding nothing back, either verbally or emotionally. She moved back, out of his arms, and tried to make sense of her thoughts and feelings. This new information did explain many things, but still, she had been hurt deeply by him. She still wasn’t sure if she could trust in him.
Charles watched her pull away. He understood. “I don’t blame you, Jane. I’m very sorry. I made the biggest mistake of my life, but please believe me when I tell you I do love you, and I’m sorry.”
He stood up and moved to the doorway. “Thank you for letting me explain everything, Jane. I hope you will forgive me someday.” He left then, with a nod to Elizabeth, let himself out the front door, and walked to his black Denali. His limbs felt shaky, like he had just run a mile. He leaned against the SUV as he opened the door and let the July heat escape. He had done it. He had apologized to Jane, but he found that he completely agreed with her. He wasn’t good enough for her and he didn’t deserve her forgiveness.
Jane sat perfectly still, trying to understand what had happened, when an icy coldness hit her. Charles, who had brought warmth and love to her, was leaving, and all she had when he was gone was pain. She got up and ran.
He was swinging himself up into his seat when she burst out the door. “Wait!” she yelled as she ran barefoot to him. Charles was back on the ground when she reached him and flung herself into his arms. “Don’t go,” she cried, as she buried her face into his T-shirt. “Please don’t go.”
“Jane?” he asked, his heart in his throat.
“I know! I know, but when you held me, I felt better than I had in weeks.” Her words tumbled out in a rush. “And then you went away, and all the hurt came back.” She looked up to him, her eyes brimming with tears. “I need you, Charles,” she admitted brokenly. “I need you and I don’t know what to do.”
Charles found himself comforting her, his emotions spun out of control. He rubbed his cheek against her soft
