Scene—A lawyer's dreadful den. Enter stall-fed citizen.LAWYER.—'Mornin'. How-de-do? CITIZEN.—Sir, same to you. Called as counsel to retain you In a case that I'll explain you. Sad, so sad! Heart almost broke. Hang it! where's my kerchief? Smoke? Brother, sir, and I, of late, Came into a large estate. Brother's—h'm, ha,—rather queer Sometimes _(tapping forehead) _here. What he needs—you know—a 'writ'— Something, eh? that will permit Me to manage, sir, in fine, His estate, as well as mine. 'Course he'll kick; 't will break, I fear, His loving heart—excuse this tear. LAWYER.—Have you nothing more? All of this you said before— When last night I took your case. CITIZEN.—Why, sir, your face Ne'er before has met my view! LAWYER.—Eh? The devil! True: My mistake—it was your brother. But you're very like each other.
THE CYNIC'S BEQUEST
In that fair city, Ispahan, There dwelt a problematic man, Whose angel never was released, Who never once let out his beast, But kept, through all the seasons' round, Silence unbroken and profound. No Prophecy, with ear applied To key-hole of the future, tried Successfully to catch a hint Of what he'd do nor when begin 't; As sternly did his past defy Mild Retrospection's backward eye. Though all admired his silent ways, The women loudest were in praise: For ladies love those men the most Who never, never, never boast— Who ne'er disclose their aims and ends To naughty, naughty, naughty friends. Yet, sooth to say, the fame outran The merit of this doubtful man, For taciturnity in him, Though not a mere caprice or whim, Was not a virtue, such as truth, High birth, or beauty, wealth or youth. 'Twas known, indeed, throughout the span Of Ispahan, of Gulistan— These utmost limits of the earth Knew that the man was dumb from birth. Unto the Sun with deep salaams The Parsee spreads his morning palms (A beacon blazing on a height Warms o'er his piety by night.) The Moslem deprecates the deed, Cuts off the head that holds the creed, Then reverently goes to grass, Muttering thanks to Balaam's Ass For faith and learning to refute Idolatry so dissolute! But should a maniac dash past, With straws in beard and hands upcast, To him (through whom, whene'er inclined To preach a bit to Madmankind, The Holy Prophet speaks his mind) Our True Believer lifts his eyes Devoutly and his prayer applies; But next to Solyman the Great Reveres the idiot's sacred state. Small wonder then, our worthy mute Was held in popular repute. Had he been blind as well as mum, Been lame as well as blind and dumb, No bard that ever sang or soared Could say how he had been adored. More meagerly endowed, he drew An homage less prodigious. True, No soul his praises but did utter— All plied him with devotion's butter, But none had out—'t was to their credit— The proselyting sword to spread it.
