of the Salacious Tavern and the doorman let me inside.
As a rule I drink no more than other men, and less than most. That night, I felt like getting drunk. The slave who brought wine was glad to help me in the pursuit.
The room was so noisy that I could hear only snatches of conversation, much of which was about the trial. Cicero's jokes were repeated and obscenely embellished. The story of the pyxis and its contents was told in numerous variations, and arguments broke out over which version was correct. Wine prompted crude bursts of insight: 'Caelius may have screwed the bitch before, but it was Cicero who screwed her today!' The consensus seemed to be that Caelius had escaped by the skin of his teeth, and that Clodia had been ruined for good, and it was all for the best. I sat and drank, making no particular effort either to listen or not listen, letting the words of strangers enter my ears as they might. When my cup was empty, I called for the server to fill it again.
It was quite late in the evening when the door opened and a large party came stamping in. They were mostly young, too well groomed and poshly dressed for the place. They had obviously come from some other, more respectable venue. There were shouts of greeting and then a general cheer as the patrons recognized Marcus Caelius. He acknowledged the show of support with a smile and a wave, then made a tipsy bow that turned into a stumble. His friends Licinius and Asicius each grabbed an arm to pull him upright. I was surprised, but only a little, to see Catullus in the group, looking even drunker than Caelius.
Caelius and his friends took over a corner of the room. He ordered a round of the tavern's best wine for everyone, which earned him another cheer. The drowsy midnight mood of the place was dispelled and the room was suddenly loud and festive again. I stared glumly at the dregs in my cup and wondered if I dared to have it filled again. The glow of the wine had begun to pall and I was beginning to feel slightly queasy. When the server passed me I covered my cup with my hand and shook my head.
'What's wrong?' a voice shouted. 'Gordianus won't drink the wine I offer? I'll wager it's better than whatever cheap slop you've been guzzling.'
I turned and saw Caelius watching me from across the room, his lips pushed out in a mock pout.
'No insult intended,' I muttered.
'What's that? Can't hear you!' Caelius cupped his ear and grinned. 'You'll have to come closer.' I shook my head.
Caelius snapped his fingers, and a moment later a couple of brawny bodyguards were on either side of me, lifting me up by my elbows and carrying me across the room. They sat me down on a bench across from Caelius, who laughed and clapped his hands like a child watching a magic trick.
'You're in an awfully good mood tonight,' I said. 'Why not? If things had gone badly today I'd be on a boat heading for Massilia right now.' He made a face. 'Instead, here I am surrounded by my friends, in the heart of the most wonderful city in the world.' Licinius and Asicius sat on one side of him, Catullus on the other. The rest of his party had gathered around a nearby table to throw dice. 'I'm free!'
'Free? I thought Cicero had you in his snare again. You owe him quite a favor now. Does he know you're out carousing tonight, making a liar of him?'
'Cicero?' Caelius made a rude noise with his lips. 'Don't worry, I can handle him. I've been doing it for years.' 'The student controls the teacher?' 'Something like that.' 'You're a spoiled brat, Marcus Caelius.'
'And people love me for it! Except maybe you. Why won't you drink the wine I offer?'
'I've had enough tonight. You look like you've already had rather a lot yourself. You, too, Catullus.'
Catullus looked back at me blearily and blinked a few times. He seemed to be at a level of inebriation that made him neither giddy nor maudlin, but simply numb.
'So you think we've had too much to drink?' said Caelius. 'We've only started! Server! Bring out more of your best wine, for everyone!'
'Are you sure you can afford such extravagance?' I said.
Caelius smiled. 'All my debts are paid off.'
'I thought you had no debts.'
'Didn't you pay attention to Cicero in court today? I don't even keep ledger books, Gordianus! All my finances are in Papa's name.' 'I see. Technically, you have no debts.'
'That's how it works nowadays. But like I said, all the debts are paid off.'
'Even the ones you owed to Pompey?'
He hesitated for only a moment.
'Even those.'
'But not repaid with coin?'
'No. With services rendered.'
Next to him, Licinius and Asicius stiffened. 'Caelius!' said Asicius. Caelius laughed. 'Don't worry, the trials are over. Your trial, Asicius, and my trial, and we are both as innocent as lambs.'
'You should learn how to shut up, Caelius!' snapped Licinius. 'Shut up about what?' I said.
'Oh, my friends think I talk too much. But where's the danger now? I'm free!'
'Then perhaps you could set my mind at rest about a few things,' I said.
Licinius and Asicius fidgeted, but Caelius smiled blandly at me. 'Why not?' Next to him Catullus stared obliviously into space and moved his lips, composing a poem in his head, perhaps.
'Do you remember when I last saw you, Caelius, here at the tavern? You swore to me by the shades of your ancestors that you didn't murder Dio.'
'Yes, I remember. I told you the truth.'
'And you swore that it wasn't Asicius, either.'
'Also true.'
'But when I asked where you were and what you were up to on the night Dio died, you refused to tell me.'
'How could I tell you, with the trial still pending-' 'Caelius, shut up!' snapped Asicius.
'I believe you,' I said, 'when you swear that you didn't kill Dio. It's my belief that he died of poison. And yet, someone broke into Coponius's house that night, and Dio was found with stab wounds in his chest. Can you explain that, Caelius?'
'Now you bring up a very interesting point,'
Caelius said, raising one eyebrow, 'and as a matter of fact-'
'Caelius, you fool, shut up!'
'Relax, Asicius. The trial is over, and Gordianus can be trusted with the truth. Can't you, Gordianus? Swear to me by the shade of your father that you'll keep secret what I'm about to tell you.'
I hesitated only a moment. 'I swear.'
'Caelius, you're an idiot!' Asicius stamped his foot and angrily left the room. Licinius stayed behind, looking around warily for eavesdroppers. Catullus stared blankly into his cup.
'Asicius! What an ass. He always was death to a good conversation.' Caelius smiled. 'Where were we?'
'The night Dio died-'
'Ah, yes. Well, it was the oddest thing. You see, I was supposed to kill Dio. It's exactly as you had it figured, I'm sure. King Ptolemy wanted to get rid of Dio, and so did Pompey. I owed Pompey a pile of gold which I couldn't possibly repay. So it was up to me to do old Dio in.'
'Just as you arranged the attack on the Alexandrian envoys when they arrived in Neapolis.'
Caelius nodded. 'And kept up the attacks in Puteoli and on the way up to Rome. The Egyptians were almost too easy to frighten. They're about as courageous as pigeons. But pigeons scatter when they're attacked, and there were so damned many of them!'
'And the last one left was Dio.'
'Exactly. And that pigeon made a nasty mess.'
Licinius rolled his eyes. 'Caelius, you're crazy to be telling him
this.'
'Shut up, Licinius. Has my judgment ever steered me wrong? Gor-dianus is like a dog with a bone. He'll never let go of this thing until he's got the truth. Now that it can't hurt us, better to simply tell him so that he can go find another bone to chew. He's sworn himself to secrecy! Now where was I?'
'All the Egyptians gone but Dio.'
'Ah, yes. Well, I tried to get the kitchen slaves to poison him at Lucius Lucceius's house, of course. Having
