dates.'
'Our completion dates?' Shane was puzzled.
'Shall we let our hair down, boys and girls?' Stevie was looking around the table with an impish grin. The D people, whoever or whatever they were, all nodded.
'We just had a huge Christmas movie fall out on us. Tom and Julia, with Francis helming. Leaves us with a gigantic hole-o-rama in our December release schedule, and I don't have to tell you what that means.'
He did, but Shane was determined not to show his ignorance.
'What makes your project so tantalizing, aside from the beaucoup package, is it has blockbuster size, which is what we need to tent-pole our Christmas release schedule. The fact that you might be able to get it in the can and drop it into our empty release date makes it irresistible,' Bergman said.
'At this point, you can see why it's not so much about the screenplay as the timing,' Felt said. 'I mean, we love what we're hearing, and the elements attached are certainly primo, but we've got five thousand screens reserved for the tenth of December, and if we don't have a big Christmas film to release, we're pretty much fucked.'
'In the ass-o-rama,' Bergman added.
'Well, gee, uh, Christmas… I don't see why not. Sounds good, doesn't it, Nick?' Shane was desperate to get this monster off the LAPD's budget.
Nothing from Nicky. He was locked up tighter than a pawnbroker's safe.
'What d'ya think, Nicky? Christmas sound doable?' Shane asked again.
More mouth movement, maybe some spittle.
Shane didn't have a clue whether they could get it done by then, especially with Lubick directing. 'Christmas sounds makeable, right, Nick?' he repeated.
Then his vapor-locked partner opened his mouth. 'Christmas,' Nicky finally sputtered.
'Yeah, Christmas.' Shane was getting pissed. 'Christmas,' Nicky repeated impotently.
Shane gave up and smiled at Stevie. 'No problem on Christmas.'
'Okay, good.' Bergman leaned forward. 'A word of caution. We love Paul Lubick, but we've found, over the years, that working with him can be challenging. He's going to have to sign on for this delivery date. No fucking around like he did last year on Adam's Apple. That picture missed two marketing and distribution slots while he played with himself in the editing room.'
'And even then,' the Felt added, 'it was longer than a summer harvest. People grew old and died watching that thing. Took three hours and forty minutes to unspool.'
'Good point. It's gotta have a running time of less than two hours,' Bergman demanded.
'Paul is… he' s-'
'Yeah, we know,' Stevie said, cutting Shane off. 'Our financing will be subject to contract-defined running- time restrictions and a finite delivery date. We're willing to fund half the project in return for fifty percent of the profits. Our standard distribution fee of fifteen percent is off the top; we're in first position on our initial investment, plus an additional fifty percent against final computed production and P and A costs. Per industry standards, P and A is in last but recoups first. All recoupment after break is pari passu. We'll put our half of the money in escrow, and you can borrow against it to get financing. But in the event you don't deliver for our December third preview screening, we're going to freeze the escrow account, assume total ownership of the film, tie you two guys to a stake at the Tour Center, and sell tickets to tourists to watch you bum,' Bergman warned.
'Christmas,' Nicky said flatly. He seemed to be focused now, but at these meetings, you could never tell.
'That's how we make movies around here. No bullshit-o. Simple and straight,' Stevie said. 'Of course, we'll have standard approvals on all front title cast and approvals on key crew people: D. P., A. D., the UPM, and like that. Finally, we want to post everything here on this lot. Do the CGI, Foley, the ADR, all the sound design, dubbing, everything.'
'Sounds great,' Shane said, not knowing what half of those letters and phrases stood for.
'Okay, then, in principle, we'll consider this a done deal.' He turned to the Felt. 'Let's get Legal Affairs to paper it.'
Shane looked at Nicky, who nodded and smiled at everybody.
They had the Cordon Bleu a la Bergman, which was basically chicken in cream sauce but with a strange, tinny aftertaste. Nobody got botulism. They talked about the Lakers and Democratic politics. Throughout it all, everybody kept looking at their watches.
In less than half an hour they were all on their feet again, shaking hands and smiling.
'We'll have our people get in touch with your people,' Stevie said. 'Who does your gunfighting?'
'My what?'
'Who's your liar for hire? Your attorney?'
Shane couldn't tell him the LAPD Legal Affairs Department was going to cut the deal, so he smiled. 'We're just in the midst of changing gunfighters. Our new liar will get in touch with your-'
'Have him call the Felt. He'll be the picture exec on this project,' Bergman interrupted. Then they all swept out of the room, leaving Shane and Nicky looking across the empty table at Arthur.
Shane got Nicky to the door, Then finally to the parking lot.
'Christmas. How we gonna get this done by Christmas?' Nicky was coming out of it.
'Shut up, Nicky. I could've used that criticism half an hour ago.'
'But Christmas! Are you out of your fucking mind? We'll never make it,' the little grifter wailed.
Chapter 37
'Does the chief know about this?' asked Charlotte Brooks, who insisted on being called Charlie. They were in her cramped, windowless office in Legal Affairs at Parker Center.
'Yeah, kinda,' Shane hedged, but in truth, he hadn't been able to get in to see the Day-Glo Dago. Four more gangsters had hit the sidewalk, and the escalating street warfare had Alexa and the chief in a frenzy.
'So I'm supposed to call this Mr. Feltheim at Universal, he'll put me in touch with their legal department, and then we're supposed to do what? Arrange for the LAPD to sell an interest in a movie that's being shot by a production company named Cine-Roma, that we supposedly own?' Her right eyebrow was cocked and she was looking sideways at him through thick octagonal glasses.
'Yeah, but you can't mention you work for the LAPD. Cine-Roma is a front company. All you have to do is take down their preliminary offer and make sure there're no loopholes.'
'Sergeant, I don't know anything about movie deals. I wouldn't even recognize standard boilerplate.'
'We'll… we…' He stopped and took stock of Charlie. She was only about twenty-six and looked frail and uncertain. She'd go down like Polish infantry in front of the leather-vested killers at Universal.
'Okay. I'll get a showbiz attorney to negotiate the general deal points, then you can go through it for the LAPD. 'Cause I need somebody from our legal department to approve the contract before I sign it.'
'Why is the LAPD making a movie?' She pushed her glasses a little higher on her nose. 'I don't think we should be doing that. I mean, we're a city service, a nonprofit agency.'
'Wonderful observation, Charlie. And when I come up with an answer, I'll have my people call your people.'
Shane left Parker Center and decided that he'd better get Nicky to call his entertainment attorney after all. He tried Cine-Roma from his cell phone and got Nicky's secretary.
'Cine-Roma, Mr. Lubick's office, Daphne Del Rey speaking.'
'This is Shane, I'm trying to get in touch with Nicky.'
'Well, I'm not that man's secretary anymore. I work for Mr. Lubick now.' There was both disdain and relief in Daphne's voice. She had fended off her last bimbo in short-shorts.
'Hey, congratulations. But if you're with our esteemed director, throw away that computer, 'cause you're working with a shovel now.'
