I understood what he was saying. When I first met Sandy Sandoval in the late eighties, she was a high-priced L. A. call girl who I had eventually recruited as a civilian undercover to work high-profile criminals. She was Hispanic, and so beautiful that people often turned to stare whenever she entered a room. Because of her looks, she had no trouble getting my criminal targets to confide in her once she had them in bed. In return for any information that led to a bust, she would collect an amount from LAPD equal to half of the money we had spent trying to catch that particular criminal in the proceeding year. It often came to several hundred thousand dollars. She was making ten times more as a UC than she ever had as a call girl. Sandy and I only made love one time, but without my knowing it, that union had produced Chooch. For the first fifteen years of his life, before I knew he was mine, Sandy had more or less ditched him, putting him in expensive boarding schools so he wouldn't be exposed to her line of work. The day she died three years ago, she told me that I was his father. Chooch grew up feeling angry and rejected, much as I had. This history had produced insecurities in him, and that's what he was talking about.
'So I guess in some ways you're right,' he continued. 'Having everybody saying I'm good at football, well it just felt real good to me, y'know?'
'Son, I know. I've been there.'
'But I've been acting like a total jerk. And you're absolutely right about my Montebello game. It was lousy. Who do I think I'm kidding, saying Terrell Bell has rotten footwork and a bad arm? The guy is great, and I'm scared he'll beat me out if he goes to USC. With two Heisman-winning quarterbacks in five years, they're really loaded at that position. Terrell's not my problem. I'm my problem. If I want to succeed, all I have to do is make myself better. I've got a lot to learn from these other guys, and if I get the scholarship, I'm gonna go in with the right attitude. I'm gonna be a team player, 'cause I really love this game, Dad, and it does come from the inside.'
'That's the right way to look at it, son.' I was incredibly proud of him.
'You and Alexa are invited on Sunday of my weekend visit. They're gonna take us around the athletic department to meet the staff and show us the facilities.'
'I'll be there.' I only hoped I'd be alive to keep the promise.
Alexa came home at eight o'clock and was surprised to find me sitting in the backyard. She walked outside shaking her head slightly.
'Is this smart?'
'I don't know. Probably not.'
'Honey, I think you need to leave,' she said. 'Not exactly the response I was hoping for.' I stood up and kissed her. Her arms went around me, and for a moment we clung to each other.
'Since I don't trust the phones, I figured I'd tell you this in person,' I said.
She held my hand and waited.
'I need you to get a search team up to New Melones Lake in Central California and drag the bottom for Calvin Lerner's body. I think he may be down there, wired to an anchor. If he is, and if he was shot in the head like Davide Andrazack, then maybe we can tie the bullet to Sammy's five-point-four-five automatic.'
'Drag the whole lake. That's gonna cost a fortune. There's over a hundred miles of waterfront.'
'The Petrovitches have a house up there. Get somebody to check with the real estate tax board and find out where it is. Then start somewhere near the house. These guys are so arrogant, I wouldn't be surprised if they just threw Lerner's body off the end of their dock.'
She nodded, then said, 'I'm trying to get you the warrant, but I'm afraid it's not going to be what you want. It'll be pretty narrow. The judge wrote it for tax records only, and limited it to Patriot Petroleum, which is one of their companies like you thought.'
'Sammy won't have an old KGB assassination pistol hidden in his office. If it's anywhere, it's in his house.'
'I know, but I set this up using your gas tax idea. The judge wouldn't write a warrant on their houses. This isn't like a FISA court where we can get whatever we want. I had to twist Judge Bennett's arm to even get it at all. I hardly had any PC.' Alexa pulled her hand away. 'So far the only address we have for the damn company is a post office box in Reseda. Maybe the fucking gun is locked up there.' She was getting frustrated.
'Okay, okay. Don't get hot. I'll get an address for the warrant.'
'I'm not hot, I'm worried because I think I know what you're up to.'
'No, you don't.'
'You don't really give a shit about these tax records. It's a nothing financial crime, and at worst the Petrovitches will only get a lousy eighteen months. You're not going through all this just to drop a pound and a half on them. Since finding the gun is now pretty much of a long shot, I think you're gonna try and piss this goon off.'
'How can you say that?' I said, trying to look innocent.
'You're gonna roll over there, insult this lunatic, then lure him into an ambush and try to take him down for assault on a police officer. Once he's in custody, you're hoping to roll him on his brother. That's the dumb-ass plan, right?'
I decided if I wanted to get laid tonight, I better change the subject. So I brought up Zack.
'I don't want to talk about him right now,' Alexa said.
'I think he's been following me.'
'Great. It's not enough you're flipping off a leaking stick of nitro like Sammy P, but now your number one suspect for a multiple homicide is also after you. By the way, what are you doing for laughs?' She was frustrated with me, but I wasn't finished.
'Look, Alexa, to be safe, I think we need to move everybody out of here. Take a hotel room down by the beach.'
'We can't afford to do that.'
'We can't afford not to.' I took her hand again and held it.
'Sometimes I get so weary of this.' Her voice was softer now, almost pleading. 'When I'm not battling with Tony and my crime stats, I'm worrying about you. I know you're doing what you feel you have to, but I wish you'd just take a job on the sixth floor so I could stop looking at my watch and wondering why you haven't called. I can't change how I feel.'
I sang Billy Joel's song to her, warbling the tune comically off-key: 'I want you just the way you are.'
'Great.' She smiled. 'I wish you weren't such an impossible hard head.' Then she put her head on my shoulder.
So I led her into the house.
We closed the bedroom door and slowly started to undress. Looking at Alexa, I couldn't help but think how my wife seemed more beautiful and incredible to me with each passing day. If Zack or someone else took advantage of my family, would I be able to go on? Would I have the courage to keep fighting if either she or Chooch were in serious jeopardy? I suddenly understood the wisdom of the Russian mafia rule to never many or have children. My wife and son gave me strength and emotional stability, but they also made me extremely vulnerable.
I needed to get my family relocated tonight.
Alexa and I lay on the bed and caressed each other for a long time. I felt her breath on my neck, her hands on my back.
She turned her face up to mine and kissed me. 'Darling,' she said. 'I'm so afraid. Sometimes I think if I lost you, I couldn't go on.' Voicing my exact fears.
I knew how vulnerable we both were to misadventure and my heart suddenly raced. I vowed to protect us, even at the expense of my own life.
We began to make love, slowly taking each other higher and further than we had ever been before. As we coupled, the intense pleasure of desire, primal and pure, washed over us. I wanted to be closer than our bodies would allow. It was almost as if I needed to be her, to wear her skin as my own. In this act of love, the longing and closeness we shared made me crave even more.
Afterwards, we lay on the bed listening to the innocent sounds of our home. The kids were laughing about something in the living room. The TV was blaring. The normalcy of all this was a bitter contrast to my lingering fears.
'I think you're right. We need to get out of this house,' Alexa said, sitting up and looking at me. 'I don't trust
