'Martina?' I spluttered.
'If it weren't for her, I'd be flat on my bed with your dummy prick still inside me.'
I flushed with shame. ' Domina… '
She waved her hand, dismissing the episode. But when I made to follow her to the litter, she cut me short. 'Who said you could leave? Go back to the box and be a slave. I have no more use for you.'
I dropped to the ground. 'Yes, domina.' I watched her depart, my heart soaring. At least she was sharing things with me again, however small.
When I returned to the Imperial seats, I took my place among the other slaves. Lygdus was there. In my joy at Livia's thaw I felt pleased to see him. It had been more than two years since we had interacted in any way. I had barely seen him since Nero's arrest; I didn't even know to which household he had been reassigned.
'How goes it?' I asked. Our disagreements were all in the past, as far as I was concerned now.
The look he gave me was haunted and I was shocked by the pain I saw in his face.
'Lygdus?'
He wouldn't speak.
I felt a surge of pity. I sat down where he crouched and placed my arm around his bulk. 'You must move on from Nero's fall,' I said. 'It has been too long. Your master is exiled. Look only to what is ahead.'
'And what is that?' he asked. 'Little Boots?' A tear rolled down his cheek.
I couldn't answer. I did not know. The resurgence of my domina had reminded me that, for a slave, taking actions that had not been ordered was a crime. The prophecies could not be my concern now.
'Nero was a good master — kind, even,' I said. 'But the domina is running things now. Bask in her mercy as I do. I was very wrong to take charge, but the domina forgives me. Surrender your will to her, son — surrender your mind. She will forgive you too. Embrace the ignorance you discarded. Be the pet again. I know in my heart that this is best for us slaves.'
Lygdus's eyes were red. 'You called me son?'
I was caught out — a slip of the tongue. But I had revealed what had long lived inside my heart. My love for Lygdus made me embrace him. 'Once I was like a father to you, son — let me be that father again.'
He looked away, but the nod, when it came, told me he had now accepted things.
Megalesia
April, AD 30
One week later: Jesus of Nazareth is crucified in Judea for aspiring to be King of the Jews
Albucilla was quietly thrilled that Ahenobarbus's younger sister had come to her. Having no sisters of her own, and with all her family hooked on the Gemonian Stairs, she wanted nothing so desperately as to belong to the House of the Aemilii. And now here was Domitia treating her as if she did. Nilla, Ahenobarbus's legitimate wife, had been ignored.
Albucilla drew her arm around her frightened 'sister-inlaw'. 'You must tell me what has upset you, Domitia, and how I can help.'
'No one can help. I am trapped by it.' Domitia began to cry.
'Trapped by what? What has happened to you?'
'This marriage,' Domitia said bitterly. 'It is obscene. Not a marriage at all.'
Albucilla was alarmed. 'Is your husband starving you? Is that why you look so thin?'
'Of course not. I'm thin because I have no appetite for food.'
'Oh Domitia.'
'My sister Lepida's marriage was bad. Her husband ignored her — and worse, he ignored their little girl. I prayed that when my own union came, it would never be with so loveless a husband. My sister is a widow now and she's never been happier. And here I am imprisoned in my own corner of wedded hell, and it's a thousand times worse than hers ever was.'
Albucilla thought she'd guessed what Domitia seemed reluctant to say. 'Your husband — is he… unable to consummate?'
Domitia looked up with a start. 'Of course not. He got that over with on our wedding night. He did his duty and he continues to do it. Even when I weep, he still goes through with it. He knows what's expected.'
Albucilla was lost. 'What is it, then? What does he do to you that's so bad?'
'It's what he does to himself.'
'Ah.' Convinced she had the answer now, Albucilla wondered what Domitia would think if she knew of the pleasure she and Ahenobarbus gained from pain. Domitia was plainly an innocent. She had not received the benefit of an education at Capri. 'As long as he only hurts himself,' Albucilla said to her gently, 'no harm can really come from it. And he promises never to try that stuff on you.'
Domitia stared at her like she was simple. 'Try that stuff on me? It is my stuff. He wears my clothes, Albucilla — all my gowns and shoes. He wears my underthings and even my veils. He tries them all on and parades about. He treats me with kindness, constant kindness, but my wardrobe has become his property.' She sniffed at her stola. 'Every single thing I wear smells of him!'
Albucilla wanted to laugh. 'He's — he's a transvestite?'
'If that's what it's called, then yes, that's what he is.'
'Oh Domitia, you've got off lightly,' Albucilla beamed at her. 'So many wellborn wives end up with real monsters for their grooms.'
'I don't think you understand,' Domitia began to say.
'Of course I do. So he puts on your clothes? Let him. What harm does it do? I bet Rome is full of such secretive men.'
'You don't understand,' Domitia said again, with an edge to her voice. 'He is Drusus, the second son of Agrippina, who is locked up in a prison without charge. His older brother, Nero, is already an exile and his younger brother, Little Boots, is a captive on the Emperor's island.'
Albucilla was silent.
'My husband is the son of a damned house, the House of Germanicus — damned by Sejanus. My sister believes it is a marriage blessed by Veiovis, but she is wrong. It is devoid of glory. The marriage was meant as a warning to Drusus, a humiliation. I am the daughter of a traitor, and the message meant for my husband was that I am all he is worthy of — a traitor's seed.'
Albucilla couldn't believe this was possible. 'No, Domitia, surely — '
'Nilla was given the same message. Why else force her to marry my idiot mute brother?'
'Ahenobarbus is a good man — ' Albucilla began.
Domitia raised a hand. 'There is another message in the marriage, and it's meant for me, the traitor's child.'
'Another?'
'I can be redeemed. I can remove my mother's stain from myself and from my unborn children. I can then move on. I can gain another marriage, a better one. But only if I show Sejanus my loyalty with a gift.'
'What gift? What do you mean?'
'An accusation,' Domitia began to weep again, 'made in public. Declaring my husband's perversions. Sejanus will be blameless, of course. No one will accuse him of bringing about Drusus's downfall when I'm the one who's come out with it.'
Albucilla stared at Domitia in horror. 'But that's evil. It's a betrayal. A monstrous thing to do to a man for something that causes no harm. With Rome as it is, you'd be sending him to his death.'
'I know,' Domitia sobbed. 'I know!'
Albucilla held her close. 'Oh Domitia, whatever will you do?'
'I thought you realised.' Domitia stared at her with shame. 'I've already done it… '
'Oh, the shame,' Livia muttered from the balcony, where she had an uninterrupted view of proceedings. 'The dreadful shame of it. If my husband Augustus were still alive, I do believe this would kill him again.'
Even I, observing the scene from her shoulder, thought her commentary a bit much. Especially given she'd poisoned Augustus with her very own hands.
'Poor Drusus. What a vice to choose. If only he'd gone for something less disgusting.'
