' Domina, really,' I admonished.
In the square below, the weeping Drusus was dragged in chains towards a waiting cart, which would take him to his imprisonment. He was dressed in a woman's gown — his wife's.
'Still, I must commend the way the fabric clings to his form,' said Livia. 'A very pleasing effect. I can see why he likes it.'
' Domina, you are outrageous. He is your great-grandson.'
Livia shrugged and turned to go back into her suite. But there was a twinkle in her eye. The arch words and wicked humour were all for my benefit. She was enjoying playing to an acolyte again. And I was enjoying being closer to determining the intentions behind her schemes. I could not ask what they were, of course, but I suspected now that she would tell me in time, when my curiosity had become unbearable.
Lygdus roused himself at the door, opening it for her. His face still had a haunted look.
'Lygdus, you look like a wraith,' said Livia, not without sympathy.
He tried to bow. Tears were dripping down his cheeks.
'My slave,' said Livia, moved. She cupped her hand under his chin, lifting him up to look at her. His tears wet her fingertips. 'You must remember that Drusus was the one who brought the carefully recorded details of Nero's perversions to light. You should be pleased that further perversions have now claimed Drusus. It's a fitting reward for his treachery, don't you think?'
Lygdus broke down.
'Speak to me, slave. Tell me what you feel.'
'I am unable to feel anything but misery at Nero's unknown fate on Pontia, domina,' he sobbed.
'Oh dear. Poor slave. It is such a dreadful thing to be haunted by what we do not know. Go and rest on your pallet. I do not need you to serve me today.'
Crying noisily, Lygdus departed.
Although I continued to feel great pity for him, I was not surprised to note the speed with which Livia's own pity dropped away the second he was gone. Emboldened after being so long sublimated, I dared to comment. 'The 'carefully recorded details' that Drusus used against his brother were the ones that Lygdus himself recorded, domina, under my direction.'
She waited.
'The very details you forced me to eat, letting me think you'd made no copies.'
She tittered at her past joke.
' Domina, are you torturing Lygdus with purpose?'
''Torture' is such an inadequate word.'
'Please stop it.'
She raised her eyebrow at my returning presumption. I was walking a knife edge. One false step could see me gifted to the carnifex.
'I believe, domina, that with time and affection Lygdus will become a useful slave again. After all, he was happy to kill once. Perhaps if my domina eases her treatment of him, Lygdus will be persuaded to kill a second time? And even a third?'
There was a long silence. Every muscle tensed as I prepared to retrieve the curtain rod upon her command, ready to face her rage. But to my astonishment Livia agreed with me. 'Lygdus's 'torture', as you call it, will cease. I can already sense that he will shortly become more useful than he has ever been.'
Intoxicated by my victory, I threw myself at her feet. She purred with pleasure at my grovelling and took care to tread cruelly upon me as she went to sit at her looking glass. Glowing with pride, I risked a final question from the floor. 'Dare I ask, domina, whom next you intend employing in your mysterious plans?'
Admiring her unnaturally youthful reflection, Livia was coy. 'I feel it will soon be time for Antonia to play her part,' she replied.
Equirria
October, AD 31
Eighteen months later: the prophet Stephen is tried by Sanhedrin priests in Judea for blasphemy against the Jewish god
Livilla tended her ailing mother with such a depth of love it shocked her. For her entire life her relationship with Antonia had been one of combat. All Antonia's attempts to censure and correct Livilla's wilful nature had been countermanded by sullen resistance during Livilla's younger years, and then outright refusal once she had married. Whatever feeling Livilla held for her mother was, previously, something she was unable to define. She had certainly hated Antonia at times — she knew that — and had kept many wicked secrets from her, all the while half-hoping that her mother would expose them, if only so she could relish Antonia's shock.
But now that Antonia's decline had become so marked, along with the fall of the House of Germanicus, Livilla's true love for her mother won through. Her own life was so happy. Everything for which she had hoped and prayed was imminent. Rome would soon nestle in her hand. She could afford to sweep aside the enmity of so many years and tend to her mother as the great matron prepared to board the barge for the Underworld.
'What led her to this state?' asked Livia, taking the chair next to sleeping Antonia's bed.
Livilla sponged her mother's limbs. 'I believe a madness gripped her, Grandmother.'
'From a river mist?'
'It could well have been.'
Livia clicked her tongue. 'Is that what drove her to write the letters?'
Livilla hesitated. 'You know of those?'
'So sad,' said Livia. 'Your dear mother and my son, the Emperor, were such devoted friends. I think back to when your father was taken from us, Livilla, Tiberius's dear brother. You were only a child — you can't be expected to remember it — but they were united in grief, Antonia and he. They became so close. I harboured thoughts that perhaps they'd even marry.'
'How nice that would have been,' said Livilla, trying to imagine it.
'But now he refuses even to reply to her. So cruel, my son.'
Livilla was wise enough to say nothing. She pressed the sponge to her mother's forehead and Antonia stirred a little.
'I suppose her bewilderment at Tiberius's treatment has led her here?' said Livia. 'That and other, equally perplexing, things, perhaps?'
Livilla stayed silent, sponging her mother's face. Then Antonia awoke and she saw the ageless woman, whom she had always called friend, at her bedside. 'Livia?'
My domina kissed her cheek. 'Don't excite yourself. I am here to see how you are. And Livilla has been so kind to me while you slept.'
Love shone in Antonia's eyes, filling their dull grey with life. Livilla had often doubted her feelings for her mother, but Antonia's love, despite the austerity with which it sometimes manifested itself, had never wavered. 'She has been so stoic, so dignified,' Antonia whispered.
Livilla held her mother's hand.
'So admirable,' Antonia added. 'An example for all Rome, my Livilla.'
'Yes,' said Livia, smiling at her granddaughter. 'That's just the word for her. An example.'
Livilla looked away. The memory of Livia's lovemaking with Sejanus was still too raw, as was the narrowness with which she herself had escaped exposure.
'Whereas I have fallen to pieces,' Antonia said. 'I, who was once so revered.'
'Now, now,' said Livia. 'You mustn't distress yourself with all this.'
'But it's true. The calamities that have befallen us. Livilla's poor brother Germanicus, and her fine husband Castor. And then her nephews' disgrace. Yet my daughter remains a bastion throughout all these trials. And all I can do is grow ill.'
Livia could only shake her head. 'You will be well again, when all this unpleasantness has passed us by. You will be renewed, Antonia, I can feel it.'
Antonia's smile was sad. She didn't believe it.
'Now, rest,' said Livia, rising. 'I will visit you again very soon.'
