She starts trembling. “You.”
“Very well. I thought we were making progress here. What prompted you to run away?”
Tears appear in the corners of her eyes. “I couldn’t remember things. I was afraid that I was unable to care for Anu. I wasn’t getting better, I was getting worse. I killed someone. Killers aren’t supposed to be mothers. Mothers aren’t supposed to be killers. I don’t deserve her.”
“So you left her to punish yourself?”
She pauses, wipes her eyes. “At least in part.”
He crosses his legs, sits back, puffs. “I smell alcohol on you, on your breath, and so much that you’re sweating it out. Why?”
She nods. “I was drinking more and more, and that’s another reason I thought Anu was better off without me.” She sobs, starts to cry.
“May I ask why you’ve been drinking so heavily?”
“I’m self-medicating. It’s the family way. My father was a drunk. My brother is a drug addict. We can’t cope with life.”
“Your brother. Is that why you went to him?”
She nods. “I knew he would understand.”
“Do you crave alcohol and feel you’re an alcoholic?”
She shakes her head no.
“I don’t think so either. Before you leave, I’ll give you a prescription for something that should make you feel better than alcohol.”
Silence.
“Even before you left for the U.S.,” Torsten says, “you were reluctant to see Kari. Why?”
“Look at him. He’s a wreck, and it’s my fault. He did wrong things, but he asked me first. I told him to do them. Even Adrien, the man I killed. I told Kari to take him into his confidence, to work with him. And then he shot Kari and Milo and a woman close to giving birth. She and the baby both died.”
She stops and looks at me, shame-faced. “And I’m not always sure who he is. I get confused about where I am and who people are. Not all the time, but sometimes. And then all that goes through my head is that day on the island when I killed Adrien Moreau.”
She bites her nails. I’ve never seen her do that.
Torsten leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped. “Kate, would you like some time to rest? There is a facility called Aurora, and occasionally, when life becomes too hard to bear, people go there for a little while. You don’t have to do anything. Your every need will be cared for. Would you like that?”
Her face blanches from terror. “You mean a mental institution?”
He puts on his consoling face. “Yes, it is. But of a benign nature. It’s nothing you should be afraid of. The workers there are very kind.”
She shakes her head so hard I think it will turn a circle, twist off, and fall to the floor. “No no no no no no. .”
I’m tempted to ask him if, since she doesn’t want to go, I can go there and have people be nice to me, I can rest and have
He pats her knee to reassure her. “It was just a question. You don’t have to go there. Your other option is to go home. You can go there and be with your husband and daughter.”
She looks at me, expression flat. “He doesn’t need me. I’ve been replaced by a twenty-three-year-old beauty queen.”
Torsten raises one eyebrow. It calls to mind bad soap opera acting. “Replaced?”
Kate says, “By a girl I thought was my friend. The bed reeks of her soap and perfume.”
Torsten’s glance asks me to explain.
“Kate, I haven’t cheated on you. Ever.” Which is true, but the exact circumstances will still distress her, so I tell a white lie. “When you left, I was in bad condition, unable to take care of Anu. Mirjami, Jenna and Sweetness came to stay with me and help out. I gave Mirjami our bed and I slept in my chair. I suppose I should tell you now. Mirjami borrowed your car and there was an accident. She was very badly burned and will be in the hospital for some time.”
This leaves her speechless.
“I’ve done things you found questionable,” I say. “Those things weren’t your fault. They were my choices. And you blame yourself for approving my actions. You believed you were granting the wishes of a man dying of brain cancer. It was unfair of me to place you in that position. You blame yourself for killing Adrien Moreau. He gave you no choice. He would have killed the rest of us, and you saved our lives. He brought his death on himself. Your action wasn’t criminal, it was heroic.”
“I hated the way you lived, the way you changed. Committing criminal acts. Stealing. Dissolving people in acid.”
Torsten gawks at me.
“I didn’t kill them,” I say. “I made two bodies disappear to avoid a mafia gang war.”
I light a cigarette to buy a few seconds and consider my words, then return my attention to Kate. “Brain surgery impacted me more than I knew. My recovery isn’t over yet, but I’m much improved. However, some of the things I’ve done upset important people, mostly because I no longer want to do questionable things on their behalf. If you come home, we’re going to stay in Arvid’s house for a while. You’ll like it. It’s pretty and spacious. On the river. A good place to rest. Jenna, Sweetness and Milo will come, too. Jenna was in the accident with Mirjami. She was pregnant and lost the baby. She needs a change of scenery. It’s sort of a vacation for all of us.”
“You still do questionable things,” Kate says. “You more or less had me abducted and forced me back here.”
Torsten helps me out. “I told Kari he had to get you back here in order for me to treat you. Your illness had become a life-threatening situation. I didn’t say it to Kari, but I was afraid you might harm yourself.” His smile is gentle. “You were abducted on doctor’s orders.”
She doesn’t find it humorous and scowls at me. “You think you’re the fucking Godfather. I’m married to Michael Corleone.”
A penetrating observation. Especially since Milo and Sweetness want the next step in our illustrious careers to be much like the end of
“If Kate goes with you,” Torsten asks, “will she be safe?”
A half-truth. “Of course she’ll be safe. She’ll be surrounded by law enforcement officers around the clock.” Followed by a truth, as without me, Milo and Sweetness to protect her, she’s in dire peril. “There’s no safer place she could be.”
“Tell us, Kate,” Torsten asks, “what do you feel would be best for you?”
“I want to sleep for ten thousand years with my baby in my arms.”
“Are you comfortable living with Kari?”
“I don’t know who he is or wants to be. I don’t know if we should be married anymore. I avoided him for weeks and kept his baby from him. That wasn’t fair. And it wasn’t right for me to leave him alone when he was so weak and sick and then to dump Anu on him out of the blue. I will try to be comfortable with Kari, one day at a time.”
“You aren’t well enough to live on your own. Do you see that now?”
She hesitates, doesn’t want to admit it. “Yes.”
“If you run away again or if your condition deteriorates, Kari is to call me, and you’ll have to take that rest we talked about. Do you both understand this?”
We nod.
“And Kari,” Torsten says, “you must understand that Kate isn’t well, and that living with her will sometimes be uncomfortable. You’re obviously in poor condition yourself. Are you prepared for that?”
“Of course.”
He writes a prescription for Kate. “This is for Valdoxan, an anti-depressant. It’s a relatively new drug, but results with it have been very good. The side effects are minimal, it will help you sleep, and stopping it when the time comes is much easier than with other anti-depressants.”
He hands it to her. “Kari, this is a safe place for Kate. If you have something you want to say or anything you
