Neverisms

her mother (played by Louanne Stephens) warns, “You gotta be careful of men.” When Fannie Belle says, “Well I thought I was looking for a man,” her mother replies, “Well, you is.” And then she adds, “It’s complicated. I mean, there ain’t too many good ones out there like your daddy. And what you gotta do is . . . well, you just gotta sort it out for yourself.” Mrs. Fleming pauses, thinks for a moment, and then concludes with the never trust admonition above. The saying may have been used before the 1989 film, but I have not been able to find an earlier appearance. The line did begin to show up with great frequency in the 1990s, though. For example, in his 1992 novel Steel Beach, John Varley has a character say:

Never trust anybody who says “trust me.”

Except just this once, of course.

Never trust your memory.BRIAN TRACY, in The 100 Absolutely

Unbreakable Rules of Business Success (2000)

Never trust a woman who wears mauve,

whatever her age may be,

or a woman over thirty-five who is fond of pink ribbons.OSCAR WILDE

These words come from the character Lord Henry in The Picture of Dorian Gray (1890). Speaking to Dorian, he adds, “It always means that they have a history.”

“Never put anything on paper, my boy,”

my old father used to say to me,

“and never trust a man with a small black moustache.”P. G. WODEHOUSE, from a

character in Cocktail Time (1958)

Never trust a computer you can’t throw out of a window.STEVE WOZNIAK, cofounder (with Steve Jobs) of Apple Computer,

in yet another thinly veiled swipe at IBM

seven

Never Give In. Never, Never, Never, Never!

Multiple Neverisms

On October 29, 1941, Winston Churchill visited Harrow School—his alma mater—to address the student body. It was a difficult time for the English people, and Churchill was doing his best to bolster their resolve. The Battle of Britain had taken its toll on the entire population, especially the schoolchildren. After joining the students in the singing of traditional songs, Churchill gave a speech that lasted less than five minutes. No recording devices were available to preserve the speech, but the full text does exist, and it contains some of history’s most famous words:

Never give in. Never give in.

Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—

never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense.

Never yield to force.

Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

In the second line of the passage, Churchill repeats the word “never” four separate times to emphasize the critical importance of being resolute in the face of overwhelming danger or seemingly insurmountable odds.

When people feel so strongly about an admonition that a single “never” seems insufficient, they often attempt to express themselves more forcefully by saying “never, never” or “never, ever.” In doing so, they send an advance signal that the advice is particularly strong or the principle is especially important. In his speech at Harrow School, Churchill used a rare quadruple neverism, and his words have never been forgotten.

Churchill also occasionally offered triple neverisms, including one very special one in A Roving Commission: The Story of My Early Life, a 1930 book that demonstrated his skill as a writer and storyteller:

Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy,

or that anyone who embarks on that strange voyage

can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter.

This passage, a long-time favorite of those opposed to adventurous military policies, enjoyed a resurgence of popularity after President George W. Bush’s decision to invade Iraq in 2003. Churchill continued: “The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events.” Then, after mentioning “ugly surprises, awful miscalculations,” and other things that can go wrong, he concluded: “Always remember, however sure you are that you could easily win, that there would not be a war if the other man did not think he also had a chance.”

Churchill’s triple neverism about warfare is certainly memorable, but it’s not nearly as famous as one that appeared in a famous 1960 book, later made into an equally famous 1962 movie. I’m sure the words will be familiar to you:

Never, never, never, on cross-examination ask a witness

a question you don’t already know the answer to.

The words come from Jean Louise “Scout” Finch, the narrator of Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird and the daughter of a small-town southern lawyer named Atticus Finch. The role of Finch was played by Gregory Peck in the film, for which he won an Oscar for Best Actor. After adding that this legal maxim “was a tenet I absorbed with my babyfood,” Scout warned, “Do it, and you’ll often get an answer you don’t want, an answer that might wreck your case.”

Later in the chapter, you’ll find a few more triples, but they are far exceeded by the number of double neverisms. They come from every sector of life:

Never, ever backstab.RICHARD CARlSON, in his 1998 book

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff at Work

Unless you are disabled,

never, ever park in a handicapped parking spot.P. M. FORNI, in The Civility Solution (2008)

Never, ever give up on sex.DR. RUTH WESTHEIMER

In most double neverisms, the words