And a man who will cheat will always repeat
The song contains one other set of intriguing lyrics. And while it is not a neverism, I think you’ll enjoy it:You put a muzzle on a dogBecause the law says you shouldBut you can’t put a muzzle on a manWhere it’ll do much good
Over the centuries, many thousands of books, songs, and movies have been given titles beginning with the word never. A few can be found elsewhere in the book, but in the rest of this chapter, you’ll be looking exclusively at neveristic titles, and occasionally at the stories behind them.
Never Learn to Type:
A Woman at the United NationsMARGARET ANSTEE, title of 2003 book
When Anstee stepped down from her post as United Nations Under-Secretary General in 1992, she was the highest-ranking woman in UN history. As a teenager, Anstee realized that the possession of typing skills would only increase her chances of being relegated to the steno pool. Of the book’s title, she said: “The title that now adorns this book is a dictum that I invented for myself and have also stuck to throughout my career.”
Never Stand Between a Cowboy and His SpittoonLEO W. BANKS, title of 2001 book
Never Eat Anything That Moves!
Good, Bad, and Very Silly Advice from KidsROBERT BENDER, title of 2002 book
Bender asked elementary school teachers to submit the most memorable advice their students had for their peers. The contributions ranged from the sobering (“When your parents fight, don’t blame it on yourself”) to the silly (“Don’t lick the beaters when they’re on”). There were also a number of delightful neverisms:
Never try to dress your cat.
Never smell your dad’s feet.
Never imitate an angry teacher.
Never milk a cow without an udder.
Never go swimming at Reptile Land.
Never eat a magnet when you have braces.
Never stand behind a cow when its tail is up.
Never hide your food under the kitchen chair cover.
Never eat chicken at a fancy party. It might be squid.
Never swallow a firefly, or you might get electrocuted.
Never live in one house with one bathroom and three sisters.
“Never Give Up on a Good Thing”GEORGE BENSON, title of 1982 song
“Never Seek to Tell Thy Love”WILLIAM BLAKE, title of 1793 poem
There are several versions of Blake’s poem, the result of his tinkering over the years. The basic notion behind all of them is the same, however. Blake passionately pleads his love to a woman who doesn’t respond. The heartbroken poet then sees the woman fall for a complete stranger. What really stings, though, is that the stranger wins the woman’s heart by doing almost nothing (in Blake’s words, “He took her with a sigh”). As Blake reflects on what has happened, he concludes that a lover should “Never seek to tell thy love.” It’s a completely unwarranted conclusion, of course, and Blake might never have arrived at it if he had a frank friend who, to borrow a modern expression, said, “William, she was just not that into you.” Here are the final two stanzas of the original verse, including that final dramatic line:I told my love, I told my love,I told her all my heart,Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears—Ah! she doth depart.Soon as she was gone from me,A traveller came by,Silently, invisibly:He took her with a sigh.
Never Ask Delilah for a Trim: And Other Good AdviceMARTHA BOLTON, title of 1998 book
Bolton’s title is an allusion to the biblical Delilah, a temptress who uses her wiles to discover that the secret of Samson’s strength is his hair, and then betrays him to his enemies.
Never Turn Your Back on a FriendBUDGIE, title of 1973 album
“Never Love Unless You Can”THOMAS CAMPION, title of 1617 poem
Campion is best remembered for Observations on the Art of English Poesie, a 1602 book in which he urged poets to discontinue the “vulgar and unartificial custom of rhyming.” Happily for lovers of verse, his recommendation never took hold. “Never Love Unless You Can” is not a remarkable piece of verse, but it has a spectacular opening couplet:Never love unless you canBear with all the faults of man.
Never Lie to a LadyLIZ CARLYLE, title of 2007 novel
Carlyle has written sixteen historical romance novels, including a number of New York Times bestsellers. This was the first novel in “The Neville Family Trilogy.” The other two were titled Never Deceive a Duke (2007) and Never Romance a Rake (2008).
Never Learn to Milk a Cow:
A Psychologist Writes to His Teenage ChildrenCARLOS W. DAVIS JR., title of 2009 book
Davis explained the origin of the title in a lovely story that fits into a classic neveristic theme: Never do for others what they can do for themselves. Here are his exact words:When my mother was about to marry my dad, she asked my dad’s mother . . . if she had any advice. My grandmother Ionie explained that after she had learned to milk a cow for her husband, her husband quit milking the cow. She gently leaned over to my mother and whispered: “Never learn to milk a cow.”
Never Cry WerewolfHEATHER DAVIS, title of 2009 novel
If there were an award for “Vampire Novel with the Best Title,” this would be a clear favorite for the way it tweaks the saying never cry wolf, described earlier. Tamara Summer’s debut vampire novel in 2009 was also cleverly titled: Never Bite a Boy on the First Date. Summer, however, borrowed her title from a 2003 episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, an American TV series that aired from 1997 to 2003.
Never Be Late Again:
7 Cures for the Punctually ChallengedDIANA DELONZOR, title of 2003 book
Never Say Hi Jack! in an Airport:
