The Bachman Books

'Yeah. Big fish. 'Course it was.' Pitifully eager.

'Who built the ark?'

'Noah. '

'Where did you do your basic?'

'Fort Benning.'

More confident; familiar ground. He was letting himself be lulled. 'Ever eaten your wife?'

'No.'

'What?'

'No!'

'What's the last book in the Bible, Don?'

'Revelations. '

'Actually it's just Revelation. No s. Right?'

'Right, sure, right.'

'Who wrote it?'

'John. '

'What was your father's middle name?'

'John.'

'Ever get a revelation from your father, Don?'

A strange, high, cackling laugh from Don Grace. Some of the kids blinked uneasily at the sound of that laugh. 'Uh . . . no . . . Charlie . . . I can't say that I ever did.'

'What was your mother's maiden name?'

'Gavin.'

'Is Christ numbered among the martyrs?'

'Ye-ess . . . ' He was too Methodist to really be sure.

'How was he martyred?'

'By the cross. Crucified.'

'What did Christ ask God on the cross?'

' 'My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?' '

'Don?'

'Yes, Charlie.'

'What did you just say?'

'I said 'My God, my God, why . . .' ' Pause. 'Oh, no, Charlie. That's not fair! '

'You asked a question.'

'You tricked me!'

'You just killed someone, Don. Sorry.'

'No!'

I fired the pistol into the floor. The whole class, which had been listening with taut, hypnotic attention, flinched. Several people screamed. Pig Pen fainted again, and he struck the floor with a satisfying meat thump. I don't know if the intercom picked it up, but it really didn't matter.

Mr. Grace was crying. Sobbing like a baby.

'Satisfactory,' I said to no one in particular. 'Very satisfactory.'

Things seemed to be progressing nicely.

I let him sob for the best part of a minute; the cops had started toward the school at the sound of the shot, but Tom Denver, still betting on his shrink, held them back, and so that was all right. Mr. Grace sounded like a very small child, helpless, hopeless. I had made him fuck himself with his own big tool, like one of those weird experiences you read about in the Penthouse Forum. I had taken off his witch doctor's mask and made him human. But I didn't hold it against him. To err is only human, but it's divine to forgive. I believe that sincerely.

'Mr. Grace?' I said finally.

'I'm going outside now,' he said. And then, with tearful rebelliousness: 'And you can't stop me!'

'That's all right,' I said tenderly. 'The game's over, Mr. Grace. We weren't playing for keepsies this time. No one is dead down here. I shot into the floor.'

Breathing silence. Then, tiredly: 'How can I believe you, Charlie?'

Because there would have been a stampede.