Schism

He held his eyes on her for a moment to make his point, and then cast them to the person lying on the couch.

'It’s all bouncin’ around up there in him,' he spoke gently. 'Powerful stuff, you know? Emotion and such.'

Nina could not be sure that she did, in fact, know. She had Denise-her daughter-and that had opened her to a wide range of feelings she never knew existed. Still, much remained hidden away waiting for the right trigger to bring it forth.

The Old Man went on, 'It’s like energy, I suppose, over powerin’ the circuits of his mind. Shortin’ them out.'

Nina stepped closer to the couch and studied Trevor’s silent face. From what this strange old man told, a storm brewed underneath. A storm that had driven Trevor over the cliff of reason.

'So we’ve come all this way and it’s too late? Listen, I don’t believe that.'

He asked, 'Why?'

Her head tilted with childlike wonder as she whispered, 'Because I know him. I mean, I sort of know him. I know he’s beaten the odds every time. He’s won fights he never should have won. He’s been brave enough to make the hard decisions for all of us when someone had to do it. I’m just saying, everything Armageddon has thrown his way, he beat it. He can beat this.'

The elder told her solemnly, 'Not this time, missy. This time he can’t do it by himself.'

She did not know what to say. The surety in the man’s tone offered no room for debate.

He continued, 'I think I know everythin’, but this fella here, he’s been teachin’ me a bunch lately. Teachin’ me, ain’t that a hoot? Think I’m finally startin’ to understand a few things. And one of them is this; it don’t matter what fancy gizmos you give a guy, it don’t matter what neat tricks you play, sooner or later life ain’t something that can be lived alone. Sooner or later, everyone be needin’ someone.'

Nina thought she found a solution. 'His wife. Ashley. Do I need to bring her here?'

The Old Man stood still and silent for several long seconds. The crisp, hot smell of the fire chased away the lingering taste of dust that had dominated the room. Just as Nina felt compelled to speak, he offered words of his own.

'That ain’t gunna do the trick, missy. Trev, here…well, he’s with who he had to be with; more like a job than anythin’ else. That’s part of the problem. I guess it’s better to be with no one than to be with the wrong one, ‘cause that only makes things all the more lonely. And both of them…' the Old Man coughed…or was it a sniffle? '…and both of them are all alone, even when they’re together.'

Nina understood…she thought. It fit, of course. Trevor Stone played the role of humanity's savior. Perhaps he had been forced into other choices that had not been his own.

The Old Man finished, 'So he’s layin’ here in a big mess. Maybe he won’t even wake up. That’d be for the best, you know? Maybe you should just walk away and leave him be. Tell everyone you didn’t find nothin’.'

Nina saw herself as a soldier, not a philosopher and certainly no expert on relationships or psychology. She knew something of loneliness, though. She tried to speak, but found her mouth had gone dry. Nina licked her lips, then tried again.

'Can I…can I help? Some…somehow?'

The Old Man turned to her with very serious eyes. She met those eyes with hesitation…and a tingle of fear.

'Now, watch what you’re sayin’. You think ‘bout that now, missy. You think long and hard. There’s only one thing that can be done here, and it ain’t pleasant.'

She swallowed. 'What can be done?'

The Old Man leaned a little closer and spoke delicately. 'He’s got a mind full of sorrow, of pain, of loss. Like I said, it’s like energy bouncin’ ‘round up there, overloadin’ his circuits. He can’t handle all that. He needs to…he needs to unload some of it.'

'What…what can I do?'

'Oh, now, honey, be careful ‘bout what you get yourself into. To help him…I dunno…you need to…well you’ll need to open up to him. You need to take some of that burden out of his mind. Take it on your shoulders.'

'I don’t understand you,' yet she worried she did.

'But missy, you need to know. What he’ll be givin’ you…a whole lot of sadness. A whole lot of doubt and scared and worry. These are the things that have taken over his noggin’. Things stuck up there with nowhere to go.'

Nina felt goose bumps spring to life on her arms despite the persistent warmth flickering from the fireplace. Her heart beat fast.

'That’s not possible. I mean, how could I even do something like that?'

'You have to want to. Can’t force you to; can’t force no one to do that. But like I said, it’s all like a big ball of energy bouncin’ around. If you want…if you are willin’ to take the chance…' Nina staggered a step away. 'I…I can’t. I don’t know how to…I…' Nina stopped her retreat, then shuffled forward and knelt next to Trevor on the couch. 'Tell me,' the old timer asked. 'Tell me what you think of Trevor Stone.'

What did she think of him? She gazed at his silent and deceivingly peaceful person as she answered, 'He always treated me with respect. Whenever we…whenever I met with him for orders or whatever…I mean…I’ve always felt I could trust him. And I knew- I knew — he trusted me.'

'And you’d do anythin’ he ordered?'

She nodded.

'And why did you go lookin’ for the truth about what happened to him? Why did you keep lookin’ even when people started tryin’ to kill you?'

Nina ran the back of her hand over Trevor’s forehead, telling herself that she needed to check for a fever but knowing what she really wanted was to touch him.

'He…he went looking for me once. I still don’t know why. But I was lost and he came after me. Besides, he deserves better than ending up like this, betrayed by people he trusted.'

'So let me get this straight: you respect him, you trust him, and you put your life on the line to find out what happened to him, huh?'

Nina had not considered it in such broad terms, but as the Old Man summarized she nodded in agreement. Her heart thumped harder.

'So now comes the 64-dollar question, missy. How far are you willin’ to go for him? You put your body in harm’s way, but can you offer more? How much are you willin’ to risk?'

How much?

Nina had spent her adult years risking life and limb in the National Guard, in the police force, in the post- Armageddon war. That had been easy. Her instincts, her abilities; they rose to equal the challenge of every fight. But her heart? Her soul? They remained safely locked away, touched only by the pangs of motherhood that had come with the adoption of Denise. A scratch on the surface but a far cry from full release. To Nina, emotions served only a hindrance.

Relationships? She dabbled, but never felt comfortable giving of herself.

Love? As a parent, she embraced the responsibility and the nurturing of Denise; a parent’s unique kind of love. But true love? Denise had been right; Nina knew nothing of real love.

Now the Old Man asked her to open herself to ease Trevor’s suffering. To lift a storm of emotional energy from his mind and make his pain hers. Certainly in that process some of her-that part hidden away-would be shared, too. She could think of nothing as intimate and, as far as her memories allowed, she could not recall ever letting anyone so close.

The idea scared her. She felt more willing to put her life on the line in battle than to put her heart on the line with another person.

What if he rejected her comfort? What if she lacked the compassion he needed? What if she dug deep into the middle of her soul and found nothing more than the same warrior who lived on the outside? What if she simply did not know how to love?

The Old Man said, 'I can’t tell you what to do. And I understand if you go runnin’ off now and not give this a second thought. If I was you that’s exactly what I’d do, Hell yeah. Point being, you have to want to do it, missy. Not for the great ‘cause, not for your Emperor, but for Trevor…and for you.'

Her hand left Trevor’s forehead, stroked along his right arm and under the quilt until her fingers found his.