Sam,
What the fuck is going on? Next time you feel like announcing a new staff initiative, would you mind consulting the other directors?
Malcolm
The next is even more to the point:
Sam,
What’s this all about? Thanks for the heads-up. Not.
Vicks
I feel a twinge of guilt. It never occurred to me that I might get Sam into trouble with his colleagues. But surely everyone will see the beneficial side as soon as the ideas start flooding in.
Dear Sam,
The word is that you’re appointing a new “ideas czar.” You may recall that this was
Otherwise, I fear I will have to make a complaint to a more senior level.
Best,
Martin
What?
Dear Sam,
Will we be having a special presentation of all our ideas? Could you please let me know the time limit on a PowerPoint presentation? May we work as teams?
Best wishes,
Mandy
There. You see? A brilliant, positive reaction. Teamwork! Presentations! This is fantastic!
Dear Sam,
Sorry to bother you again.
If we
Just so you know,
Best,
Mandy
OK. Well, obviously you have to expect a few glitches. It doesn’t matter. It’s still a positive result …
Dear Sam,
I’m sorry to do this, but I wish to make a formal complaint about the behavior of Carol Hanratty.
She has behaved totally unprofessionally in the new-ideas exercise, and I am forced to take the rest of the day off, due to my great distress. Judy is also too distressed to work for the rest of the day, and we are thinking of contacting our union.
Best,
Mandy
What?
Dear Sam,
Forgive the long email. You ask for ideas.
Where to start?
I have worked at this company for fifteen years, during which time a long process of disillusionment has silted up my very veins, until my mental processes …
This guy’s email is about fifteen pages long. I drop my phone into my lap, my jaw slack.
I can’t believe all these replies. I never
I’ve read only the first few emails. There are about thirty more to go. If I forward all these to Sam, and he steps off the plane in Germany and gets them in one fell swoop … I suddenly hear his voice again:
And I sent one out in his name. To the whole company. Without consulting him.
Oh God. I’m really wishing I could go back in time. It seemed like such a great idea. What was I
My mind is ticking over now. I mean, he’s in a plane. He’s off-radar. And it’s Friday night, after all. There’s no
The phone suddenly bleeps with a text and I jump, startled.