Black Jade

I had feared? Was it really a black neverness, freezing cold, like ice? Was it a fire that burned the flesh forever? Or was it rather like a beautiful song and the brightest of lights that carried one upward toward the stars?

No, I heard myself whisper. No.

I glanced at Estrella, who looked up at me in dread. And yet. miraculously, with so much trust. Her quick, lovely eyes seemed to grab hold of mine even more fiercely than Kane grasped my arm. So much hope burned inside her! So much life spilled out to fill up her radiant face! Who was I to resign myself and consign her to its ending? No, I thought, that would be ignoble, cowardly, wrong. For her sake, no less my own. I would at least act as if there somehow might be hope. I said to Kane, 'Not even the greatest of scryers can see all ends.'

'So, I think you can see your own end. And long for it too much, eh?'

I shook my head at this, and told him, 'Last year, at the Tournament when Asaru lay abed with a wounded shoulder, King Mohan spoke these words to me: 'A man can never be sure that his acts will lead to the desired result; he can only be sure of the acts, themselves. Therefore each act must be good and true, of its own.'

'A warrior's code, eh? Act nobly, always with honor, and smile at death, if that is the result. The code of the Valari.'

'Yes,' I said, 'better death than life lived as Morjin lives, or as one of his slaves.'

Kane regarded Daj and Estrella a moment before turning back to me. He said, 'But we're not speaking of the death of a lone warrior, or even an entire army, but that of the whole world and all that is!'

'I … know.'

'Do you really? What, then, is good? Where will you find truth? Do you know that, as well?'

'I know it as well as I can. Is it not written in the Law of the One?'

'So, so,' he murmured, glaring at me.

'Is it not written that a man may slay another man only in defense of life? And is it not also written that the Elijin may not slay at all?'

'So, so.'

'And yet you slay so gladly. As you would have had me slay Morjin!'

At this he gripped the hilt of his sword and smiled, showing his long white teeth. But there was no mirth on his savage face.

'You are one of the Elijin!' I said to him.

'No, Kalkin was of the Elijin,' he told me. 'I am Kane.'

I held out my hand to him and said, 'If I gave you this sword that is inside me, would you slay with it? What law for the valarda, then?'

'I … don't remember.'

His eyes smoldered with a dark fire almost too hot to bear. I felt his heart beating in great, angry surges inside him. It came to me then that there were those who could not abide their smailness, and they feared mightily obliteration in death. But those, like Kane, who turned away from their greatness dreaded even more the glory of life. How long had this ancient warrior stood alone in shadows and dark chasms, away from all others, even from himself? Was it not a terrible thing for a man to forget who he really was?'

'I know,' I said to him, 'that the valarda was not meant for slaying-'

So — you know this, do you?'

'Somewhere,' I said. 'It must be written in the Law of the One.'

Kane stared at me as through a wall of flame. His jaws clenched. and the muscles of his windburnt cheeks popped out like knots of wood. It seemed that the veins of his neck and face could not contain the bursts of blood coursing through him.

Then he whipped his sword from its sheath and shouted at me. 'Then damn the One!'

His words seemed to horrify him, as they did the rest of us. Daj sat looking at him in awed silence. Even Estrella seemed to wilt beneath his fearsome countenance.

Then Kane murmured, 'What I meant to say was that Asangal damned the One. Angra Mainyu did — do you understand?'

I looked down at my open hand. A bloody spike pierced the palm through the bones. The agony of this iron nail still tore through me, as did that of the other nails driven through my mother's hands and feet. And I said to Kane, 'Yes — I do understand.'

I felt the hard hurt of his sword pressing into his own hand. He did not want to look at me, but he could not help it. His eyes said what his lips would not: I am damned. And so are you. 'No, no,' I told him. I took a step closer and covered his hand with mine. 'Peace, friend.'

As gently as I could, I peeled back his fingers from his sword's hilt then took it away from him. He stood like a stunned lamb as he watched me slide it back into its sheath.

'Valashu,' he whispered to me.

I clasped hands with him then, and stood looking at him eye to eye. His blood burned against my palm with every beat of his great, beautiful heart. Such a wild joy of life surged inside him! Such a brillance brightened his being, like unto the splendor of the stars! What was the truth of the valarda, I wondered? Only this: that it was a sword of light, truly, but something much more. It passed from man to man, brother to brother, as the very stars poured out to each other their fiery radiance, onstreaming, shining upon all things and calling to that deeper light within that was their source.

'Kalkin,' I said to him, whispering his name. For a moment, as through veil rent with a lightning flash, I looked upon a being of rare power and grace. But only for a moment. 'No, no,' he murmured. 'You promised.' 'I am sorry,' I said.

'No, it is I who am sorry. What do I really know of the valarda, eh? Perhaps you were right to try to keep that sword within its sheath.'

His gaze, it seemed, tore open my heart. I said to him, 'If Angra Mainu is defeated, I do not believe that it will be by my hand, or yours, or even that of Ashtoreth and Valoreth.' 'Perhaps you are right. Perhaps.' 'And so with Morjin.' 'So, so.'

'Only the Maitreya,' I said, 'can keep him from using the Lightstone. And I do not believe I will ever be allowed to lay eyes upon this Shining One if I use the valarda to slay.'

Then he smiled at me, a true smile, all warm and sweet like honey melting in the sun. 'So, there will be no slaying tonight, let us hope. Peace, friend.'

He stepped back over to the breastwork and picked up his bow again. His smile grew only wider as his eyes filled with amusement, irony and a mystery that I would never quite be able to apprehend.

After that it grew dark, and then nearly as black as a moonless eve, for here at the bottom of the gorge, there was very little light. Its towering walls reduced the heavens to a strip of stars running east and west above us. But one of these stars, I saw, was bright Aras. After all the work of washing the dishes and settling into our camp was completed, with Atara singing Estrella to sleep and Kane standing watch over us, I lay back against my mother earth to keep a vigil upon this sparkling light. It blazed throughout the night like a great beacon, and I wondered how this star of beauty and bright shining hope could ever be put out.

Chapter 6

I did not welcome my awakening the next morning. My battle wounds — mostly bruises from edged weapons or maces that had failed to penetrate my mail — hurt. The cold wind tunneling down the gorge set my stiff body to shivering, and that hurt even more. No ray of sun warmed the gorge directly for the first few hours of the day, as we ate our breakfast and broke camp with a slowness and heaviness of motion. Ail of us, except Kane, perhaps, were exhausted. It would have been good to remain there all day before a crackling fire, eating and resting, but we needed to gain as much distance as we could from the gorge's entrance at the gateway to the Wendrush. And so we loaded our horses and drank one of Master Juwain's teas to drive the weariness from our bodies. Then we set forth into the gorge, winding our way around walls of naked rock deeper into the Kul Kavaakurk's shadows.