'Is this how we're going to handle all our problems? I was afraid something awful had happened to you. I call at all hours and you're never there. When I rush back to Providence all I get is a note. 'Sorry I needed to go somewhere and empty out my head.''
'I wasn't away very long.'
'What if your mother hadn't gone back for you? Wouldn't you have stayed longer?'
'I am back now, aren't I?'
'And what if you feel like leaving again?' he asked.
'Can we please talk about that later?'
'Are you coming home?'
Yes.
'To stay?'
'What do you think?'
'I don't really know,' he said. 'What is it? What did I do, Sophie?'
'You know my problems.'
'The therapy, that's helping you.'
'I don't think it is.'
'You'll have to start over, but you're okay.'
'I don't feel okay.'
'You're a beautiful woman. It's natural. You're desirable. Nothing is wrong with that.'
'But we can't even be together.'
'That's all right. I told you after the baby was born. As long as it takes, I will wait.'
'But, what if I never get over it? What if I never get fixed?'
'You're not a machine. You can't go to a shop and get fixed. It will happen slowly. I've always told you this, haven't I? I will be there for you.'
'Why didn't you answer the phone the first time?' I asked.
'I was practicing,' he said. 'Should I drive down and get you?'
'I told my mother I'd spend the night here with her. I'll rent a car and drive home tomorrow.'
'All this traveling, isn't it rough on Brigitte?'
'She's got Caco blood. She's a strong one; she'll be fine.'
'I want you to have the pediatrician check her out the minute you get home.'
'I will.'
'How's your mother?'
'She wants us all to have dinner with her male friend soon.'
'You mean her boyfriend?'
'I suppose.'
'I wouldn't have guessed that you went to Haiti. I wouldn't have known at all if it weren't for her. I was going to fly down to get you, but she wanted to find you herself.'
'She didn't find me. I wasn't lost.'
'You know what I mean.'
'I know. My mother can be very overwhelming sometimes.'
'She wanted to see you very badly. Did you work things out?'
'We talked,' I said.
'Is she home? I'd like to thank her.'
'You can thank her when you see her.'
'And when will I see you?' he asked.
'Tomorrow.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes.'
'There will be no pressure or anything,' he said. 'I promise you.'
He wanted to hear Brigitte one more time. I tickled her feet and she laughed on cue.
'Does she speak Creole?' he asked.
'She didn't speak very much.'
'She might have said Daddy and I missed it.'
'She didn't.'
'Is she walking on her own?'
'We've only been away a few days.'
'It seems like ages. Does she still reach for people's food?'
'She does that.'
'Can I come for you? I'll drive down there right now.'
'It's better for me if I find my own way back. I am the one who left. I should come back myself.'
I laid out a comforter in the guest room. I put the baby down on the guest bed, surrounded by four large pillows.
My mother walked in to check on us when she came home.
'Is everything all right?' she asked.
'Fine,' I said. 'How was your visit?'
'I went to see Marc.' Her voice cracked. 'I had something to tell him.'
'Was it good? Was it bad?'
'Depends on how you look at it. Did you call your husband?'
'Yes.'
'He will be happy to see you.' She cradled the door as though she wasn't sure what to say next. 'The baby, she's okay?'
'Fine,' I said.
'Well, good night.'
Chapter 29
Breakfast was plentiful: all the things that made me feel most guilty when I ate them-bacon and eggs and extremely sweet cafe au lait.
'I thought you would be hungry' she said, 'on the road to recovery. How can you resist all this food?'
'It's not as simple as that.'
I had a piece of toast while my mother gave my daughter her formula. She looked like she hadn't slept much. The eggplant shade came back to her skin, as it always did before she applied her skin bleaching creams.
'You didn't look very happy when you came home last night,' I said.
'Someone like me, you see me happy, you know I'm
pretending,' she said.
'Is something wrong?'
'Brace yourself. I know you are not going to believe what I have to tell you. Sophie, your mother is pregnant.'
'Pregnant?' I stuttered.
'Marc and I, we have-'
'You sleep together?'
She nodded, looking ashamed.
'How far along are you?' I asked.
'A month or so.'
'Are you going to marry him?'
'Jesus Marie Joseph. Am I going to do what?'
'Doesn't he want to marry you?'
