happening. Her masturbation put her in the 90 percent of the population who at one time or another have indulged in this kind of sex and were in no way abnormal. She showed signs of abnormality only at the point when she invited Billy to perform anal intercourse on her, and, even here, curiosity and faute de mieux played so important a role that she could not be said to be deviant at that point.
What happened after her anal intercourse was significant, as will be shown. She developed a preference for anal masturbation while, at the same time, her interest in genital sex underwent a marked decline. Subsequently, she became anally erotic, but not homosexual or masochistic even though the mutual masturbation with Dorothy and the whipping received from her mother both stimulated her anal interests initially. What confirmed her analism was the experience with Billy. She wanted it repeated. However, as will also be shown, Billy returned to Maui soon after the episode on the raft, leaving Peggy with memories.
Peggy had just turned sixteen and was entering the stage of life when girls normally become interested in boys in a social way. In the islands it happens considerably earlier in most cases. Like most deviates, however, Peggy was regressive, a slow developer, and, as an only child with very strict parents, somewhat isolated. For the most part, she felt very awkward and ill at ease with young men, the episode with Billy being a highly exceptional instance.
After the humiliating incident at school, when she and Dorothy were apprehended while indulging in mutual masturbation, and after being punished by her severe mother, Peggy became more secretive. She preferred to be alone much of the time, related poorly to other young people, and, at the same time, developed stronger erotic interests than before.
As will be seen, fantasies played an increasing role in her life, especially anal fantasies. These, in turn, led to compulsions to act out the dream experiences in ritual fashion. Peggy became a compulsive person, highly obsessive, and increasingly introverted. In due course, her private sex games became more important to her than almost everything else. These, however, had the effect of arousing guilt and shame. Peggy had been brought up under a strict code in which all forms of sex outside marriage and not leading to procreation were condemned as “filthy perversions.” Peggy's mother was dominant in the family, a situation very frequently encountered in cases of anal eroticism, and Peggy was treated with great sternness. From the age of twelve on she was in revolt against her mother, and, intellectually, rejected all of her mother's values. Indeed, one reason for her entering into both the mutual masturbation situation with Dolores and for actually inviting anal intercourse with Billy was to defy her mother. Subliminally, however, the strict puritan code was deeply ingrained in Peggy and she could not escape the consequences of violating it. Deep shame and guilt followed all of her sexual experiments, deferred usually by her initial feelings of defiance, but, finally, making themselves felt in the form of depression.
Clearly it is society that is most to blame in this and many other instances. Christianity, with its emphasis on the sinfulness of sex, and the condemnation of sodomy which stems from Paul's epistle to the Romans, has done Western Civilization a great disservice. Indeed, Christianity, both Catholic and Protestant, is chiefly responsible for the psychological suffering of deviates in the West. The condemnations, anxiety, and shame are instilled very early, and, although, as adults, many individuals reject the harsh Christian code and repudiate the cruel Jehovah, they are still inwardly tortured by pangs of guilt originating out of early indoctrination. The fact that these guilt feelings persist in persons who intellectually reject the doctrines is sometimes taken by the orthodox as proof of divine retribution. This, however, is nonsense, conscience being the product of socialization and not something innate, a fact which has been proven time and time again. The Christian sex ethic is not divinely revealed but is a product of history. It should not be viewed as an absolute, but as the opinion of authoritarian personalities such as Paul, Tertullian, and Augustine. It was not taught by Jesus, who took a healthy and wholesome view of sex as evidenced by his tolerance of Mary Magdalene, his kindly attitude toward the woman taken in adultery, and the fact that most or all of the apostles were married. Jesus was not an ascetic and, indeed, condemned most harshly the strict and righteous Pharisees whose outlook bears closest resemblance to that of evangelical Protestants and the stricter Catholics of our own time. There is no mention of sex deviation in the Gospels, but it is doubtful that Jesus would have taken the severe position toward them which Paul did.
Peggy came from a family whose members subscribed to a rigid form of evangelical Protestantism. She herself was brought up in the narrow sectarian teachings of this church, and became increasingly deviated, in part, as a result of her rebellion against it.
“I was really sad when Billy went back to Maui, and at night, when I was lying in my bed, I'd keep reliving what he did to me on the raft, how his prick felt in me, what he'd said, and what I said. I kept wishing he lived on Oahu so that we could get together. But I never saw him again.
“Later I started feeling ashamed about it and prayed to be made clean, and, to Mom's delight, started going to church more regularly than I had.
I decided to stop all the dirty stuff and never do it again. I was really afraid that God would strike me dead and send me to hell if I didn't. But all that kind of thinking did was make me want it all the more. I kept wanting to be corncobbed. That's what Billy had called it.
“Then I started finding ways that I could almost have what I wanted. One time, just after school started up again, I was lying on my bed in my room fooling around with artist's clay. I'm pretty good with it, just as I'm pretty good at drawing and painting. I was making animals and people's heads, and everything, when all of a sudden I got this idea. Why don't I make a clay figure of a boy and another of a girl and then have them do it with each other. It gave me a thrill just thinking about it, almost as much of a thrill as I'd gotten with Dorothy in the bushes behind school and with Billy on the raft.
“I made a boy who looked something like Billy, real tall and sort of skinny, and I made a big long prick on him. 'Prick' is what he called his thing. I don't know exactly how a boy looks, so I had to guess at some of it. Then I made a girl, not a girl who looks like me, though, but sort of plump like Dorothy, and, of course, she had to have a very round rear that stuck out behind. Then I had her get down on all fours, dog fashion, and I put the boy behind her, kneeling, and put his prick between her cheeks, like he was cornholing her. I really got excited doing that, so excited that I just had to do something. I wanted somebody to stick something up my rear, but there was no one to do it but myself.
“I got this impulse, though, to do something to myself. I went down to the kitchen and looked in the fridge and, sure enough, there were a few frankfurters in there. So I took one of them back to my room with me, stripped naked in front of the mirror, stood with my back to it, bent down, and slid the hot dog up my fanny. It was still cold from the fridge and felt nice going in and I just rubbed it in and out, all the time watching my own behind in the mirror and how the wienie disappeared in the crack between my buttocks. Then, while I was corncobbing myself, I diddled my clit until I came.
“It was okay doing it that way, it felt good and everything, but I missed having another person. It's not as much fun if you have to do it by yourself.
“After I finished I took a shower and put on some clean clothes, threw away the hot dog and mashed up the clay figures. I really felt ashamed of myself, deeply ashamed, and I decided that I just wasn't going to do any of that dirty stuff again. I was going to be a good girl from now on.
“But I wasn't very good at keeping my resolution. About two weeks later, both Mom and Dad went out somewhere, a church meeting, I guess. I fooled around with the plastic clay for a while, and then I got this other idea and started doing a drawing. It was the same kind of drawing as what I'd done in clay: a boy who looked a little like Billy, only better looking than he is, corncobbing a girl, and this time I drew a girl who looked quite a bit like me. Wow, that really did it!
“I stripped naked, found a candle, and got down on all fours like in my drawing. Then, while I stared at the drawing I slowly pushed the candle up my rear end. After it was in quite a way I laid down flat on the bed on my tummy with my legs apart, reached back and diddled my clit until I came.
“The same thing happened, of course, as that other time. I felt really ashamed of myself, like I was just about the most awful slut in the world. I tore up the drawing and threw the candle in the rubbish and decided that I was never never going to do anything else again. Never.
“I kept my resolution better that time, and it wasn't until I was seventeen and just about ready to graduate from high school that I got sexy again. That really did it.
“One morning I woke up with these sharp pains and, after trying one or two home remedies, Mom bundled me off to the hospital. The doctor tapped and pressed around, made me bend my leg and asked if it hurt more that way than when I lay flat, and a nurse took my blood count. Anyhow, they finally stuck me in the hospital and took
