Although Dorothy couldn't bring herself to tell her husband directly about her affairs she managed to have him “accidentally” catch her in the act with another man. Actually she wanted to revenge herself upon her husband this time for his years of adultery.
Helen Deutsch, in her book, Neurosis And Character, points out that many accidents are based on a hidden desire to hurt oneself or someone else. A man bent on suicide, for example, but who is unable to kill himself directly may drive when drunk and wind up in a car crash. Dorothy acted like this when she brought a man home secretly knowing that her husband would catch them both in bed.
I couldn't help the woman in any way because she was determined to go on having men. I could only point out that it was neurotic of her to restrict her affairs to oral acts. If she had to have other men she might just as well enjoy them completely.
At this writing the woman and her husband have come to an agreement whereby each has a right to a private life and private “friends.” This is actually a far more mature arrangement than getting a divorce. In time they will tire of having lovers and turn to one another again. Sex passes but true love is lasting.
Chapter Four…
Case History:
Name: Alma K.
Age: 42
Alma is a tall, well-proportioned woman who is married to a lawyer. She has two children attending out-of- state colleges. The woman was referred to me after she had been found beaten in a hallway. Alma wore dark glasses all through the first session to hide the fact that both her eyes were swollen and bruised.
“You 11 forgive me if I don't take these glasses off. I look a sight. You would think I had been in a heavyweight boxing match and had come out the loser. Black eyes may look attractive on men, because it gives them that rugged look they all prize. As a woman, I hardly want to look rugged. What I would like to do is hide my face from the world until it is fully healed. My husband, Carl, feels differently. He thinks I'm in desperate need of psychological help. I am sure he's right. My husband is never wrong about anything.
“Carl is a corporation lawyer and our two sons are taking courses at college that will lead them into the legal profession. I feel stupid because I couldn't make it through college. It wasn't a matter of money, because my parents could well afford it. If I had enough brains, I could've gone on to be Ph. D. My husband had to work his way through school, and he always wondered why I never took advantage of my opportunities. Anyhow, he made sure that our sons were well educated. When the three of them get together I feel so left out. It is as they're talking in a different language.
“As a girl, I wasn't a bit interested in education and spent most of my time cutting classes. With some friends of mine I'd take in a movie. I used to get a beating when I got home and my parents kept shouting that I would never amount to anything. I always wondered why I should amount to anything; what was wrong with just enjoying life?
“Boys didn't like smart girls anyhow. They were comfortable with me and I was very popular. I made up my mind to marry early and raise a family. That is a woman's normal function.
“My parents didn't like to have me see too many boys. I suppose they were afraid I'd get pregnant or something. My parents were such squares. I don't think they liked sex at all because I was an only child. I always had the feeling that they tried sex just once and then found out that they didn't like it. I was the result of that one and only roll in the hay.
“I wanted more out of life than getting bored in school and marrying some juiceless jerk like my father. When I was sixteen, I ran away from home for the first time. I was so fed up with my folks trying to push me into a mold where I didn't belong that I had to escape.
A fellow in his thirties picked me up in a car and he kept asking me a lot of questions. I tried to lie and say that I was on my way to see friends, but I wasn't all that smart. He knew that I was a runaway. He pulled up to a dirt road and started kissing me. It was fun for awhile, but then he opened my blouse and pulled off my bra. I told him that I would scream if he kept that up, but he only laughed. 'Go right ahead,' he told me. 'There is nobody within miles of this spot.'
“I screamed and he just sat there. When I tried to get out of the car, he pulled me back. 'Take it easy, sweetheart,' he said. 'I just want a little fun.'
“His idea of fun was rape. He slapped me a few times to get me quiet and then he pulled his pants down. His dick was sticking up and he waved it in front of my face. 'Ever been fucked before?' he wanted to know.
“I shook my head and he told me that he had a special passion for virgins. 'I like to break you cherries in right,' he said and tore my skirt off.
“The man threw his entire weight against me and his penis was like a knife cutting into my flesh. I screamed even though I knew it was useless. He wasn't gentle and pumped his tube of flesh into me fast and hard, while I squirmed against the front seat of the car. Then he shot his juice. I felt it pour into my body like hot water. 'Like it, baby?' he kept asking. 'Like it?'
“The rapist actually thought I should enjoy being his victim. He pressed his body against mine until he had no more come left. As soon as he had satisfied himself, he had no use for me and kicked me out of the car. I was in the middle of nowhere, but I didn't care so long as I didn't have to face him any longer.
“I was lying in the dirt, naked and there was a lot of blood between my legs. I had to be grateful that he had thrown my clothes out along with me. I dried up the blood with my blouse and put my clothes back on and then started walking.
“After a couple of hours I reached a farm house where I called the police. When the cops came they acted as if I deserved my trouble. 'That's what you get for running away from home,' they said.
“Since I had given the police a good description of the man and his car, he was caught that day. He denied everything and stuck to his story that he had never seen me before. Because I couldn't actually prove he raped me, he was set free.
“If this wasn't bad enough, it turned out I was pregnant. My folks began to wonder if I had made up a rape story just to explain my condition. Anyhow, they arranged for an abortion. It was illegal, but they stuck their necks out that much for me. After if was over, they made sure I never stayed out later than ten at night.
“I didn't want to go to college, but I went just to please them. They picked an all-girls school to make sure I wouldn't come home with a belly filled with a bastard. Although I tried to make good at college, it was just no use and I dropped out. My parents all but stopped talking to me after that.
“I married Carl just to escape my home again. I really didn't love him, but he was in love with me. Carl was just too stiff and formal for my tastes. I liked warm, out-going boys you could have fun with. My parents liked Carl, though, and that was another reason I married him. I wanted to do something right for once in my life.
“Even though I slept with Carl and had two children by him, I never felt close to him. We just didn't have the same interests. I liked to watch television, but he said it was only for dopes. He liked lectures, but they bored me silly. I always wondered why he had picked me instead of another girl. When I asked him about this, he said that it was something he always asked himself.
“There are worst marriages, I suppose. Carl was a good provider, at least, and we bought a nice house out in the suburbs. While the community was attractive, I found it dull. I needed excitement but my husband didn't care about going out on weekends.
“When the boys grew up they brought their young friends to the house, and this was fun. I found that I had more in common with teen-aged kids than I did with my adult neighbors. This was fine until my sons outgrew me and became serious like their father. I was a stranger in my own home.
“When the boys went away to college, I was even more isolated than ever. Out of sheer boredom, I started drinking in the daytime. My husband put a quick end to this and all but ordered me to go to the city and take up courses in things like art. He was the one who started me on the road that led to this beating.
