Stranger in a Strange Land

discussed it with friends and received consent of his ancestors' ghosts to join them. Having decided to die, he does so, as easily as you close your eyes — no violence, no illness, not even an overdose of sleeping pills. One second he is alive and well, the next second he's a ghost. Then his friends eat what he no longer has any use for, “grokking” him, as Mike would say, and praising his virtues as they spread the mustard. The ghost attends the feast; it is a bar mitzvah or confirmation service by which the ghost attains the status of “Old One” — an elder statesman, as I understand it.»

Duke made a face. «God, what superstitious junk!»

«To Mike it's a solemn — but joyful — religious ceremony.»

Duke snorted. «Jubal, you don't believe that stuff about ghosts. It's just cannibalism combined with rank superstition.»

«Well, I wouldn't go that far. I find these “Old Ones” hard to swallow — but Mike speaks of them the way we talk about last Wednesday. As for the rest — Duke, what church were you brought up in?» Duke told him; Jubal went on: «I thought so; in Kansas most people belong to yours or to one enough like it that you have to look at the sign to tell the difference. Tell me — how did you feel when you took part in the symbolic cannibalism that plays so paramount a part in your church's rituals?»

Duke stared. «What the devil do you mean?»

Jubal blinked solemnly back. «Were you a member? Or simply went to Sunday School?»

«Huh? Why, certainly I was a member, I still am — though I don't go much.»

«I thought perhaps you weren't entitled to receive it. Well, you know what I'm talking about if you stop to think.» Jubal stood up. «I shan't argue differences between one form of ritual cannibalism and another. Duke, I can't spend more time trying to shake you loose from prejudice. Are you leaving? If you are, I had better escort you off the place. Or do you want to stay? Stay and eat with the rest of us cannibals?»

Duke frowned. «Reckon I'll stay.»

«I wash my hands of it. You saw those movies; if you're bright enough to pound sand, you've figured out that this man-Martian can be dangerous.»

Duke nodded. «I'm not as stupid as you think, Jubal. But I won't let Mike run me off the place.» He added, «You say he's dangerous. But I'm not going to stir him up. Shucks, Jubal, I like the little dope, most ways.»

«Mmm … damn it, you still underestimate him, Duke. See here, if you feel friendly toward him, the best thing you can do is to offer him a glass of water. Understand me? Become his “water brother”. »

«Uh…I'll think about it.»

«But, Duke, don't fake it. If Mike accepts your offer, he'll be dead serious. He'll trust you utterly, — so don't do it unless you are willing to trust him and stand by him, no matter how rough things get. Either all out — or don't do it.»

«I understood that. That's why I said, “I'll think about it.”»

«Okay. Don't take too long making up your mind … I expect things to get very rough soon.»

XIV

IN LAPUTA, according to Lemuel Gulliver, no person of importance listened or spoke without help of a «climenole» — or «flapper» in English translation, as such servant's duty was to flap the mouth and ears of his master with a bladder whenever,in the opinion of the servant, it was desirable for his master to speak or listen. Without the consent of his flapper it was impossible to converse with any Laputian of the master class.

The flapper system was unknown on Mars. Martian Old Ones would have as little use for flappers as a snake has for shoes. Martians still corporate could have used flappers but did not; the concept ran contrary to their way of living.

A Martian needing a few minutes or years of contemplation simply took it; if a friend wished to speak with him, the friend would wait. With eternity to draw on there could be no reason for hurrying — «hurry» was not a concept in Martian. Speed, velocity, simultaneity, acceleration, and other abstractions of the pattern of eternity were part of Martian mathematics, but not of Martian emotion.

Contrariwise, the unceasing rush of human existence came not from mathematical necessities of time but from the frantic urgency implicit in human sexual bipolarity.

On the planet Terra the flapper system developed slowly. Time was when any Terran sovereign held public court so that the lowliest might come before him without intermediary. Traces of this persisted long after kings became scarce — an Englishman could «Cry Harold!» (although none did) and the smarter city bosses still left their doors open to any gandy dancer or bindlestiff far into the twentieth century. A remnant of the principle was embalmed in Amendments I & IX of the United States Constitution, although superseded by the Articles of World Federation.

By the time the Champion returned from Mars the principle of access to the sovereign was dead in fact, regardless of the nominal form of government, and the importance of a personage could be told by the layers of flappers cutting him off from the mob. They were known as executive assistants, private secretaries, secretaries to private secretaries, press secretaries, receptionists, appointment clerks, et cetera — but all were «flappers» as each held arbitrary veto over communication from the outside.

These webs of officials resulted in unofficials who flapped the Great Man without permission from official flappers, using social occasions, or back-door access, or unlisted telephone numbers. These unofficials were called: «golfing companion,» «kitchen cabinet,» «lobbyist,» «elder statesman,» «five-percent er,» and so forth. The unofficials grew webs, too, until they were almost as hard to reach as the Great Man, and secondary unofficials sprang up to circumvent the flappers of primary unofficials. With a personage of foremost importance the maze of unofficials was as complex as the official phalanxes surrounding a person merely very important.

Dr. Jubal Harshaw, professional clown, amateur subversive, and parasite by choice, had an almost Martian attitude toward «hurry.» Being aware that he had but a short time to live and having neither Martian nor Kansan faith in immortality, he purposed to live each golden moment as eternity — without fear, without hope, with sybaritic gusto. To this end he required something larger than Diogenes' tub but smaller than Kubla's pleasure dome; his was a simple place, a few acres kept private with electrified fence, a house of fourteen rooms or so, with running secretaries and other modern conveniences. To support his austere nest and rabble staff he put forth minimum effort for maximum return because it was easier to be rich than poor — Harshaw wished to live in lazy luxury, doing what amused Harshaw.

He felt aggrieved when circumstances forced on him a necessity for hurry and would never admit that he was enjoying himself.

This morning he needed to speak to the planet's chief executive. He knew that the flapper system made such contact all but impossible. Harshaw disdained to surround himself with flappers suitable to his own rank — he answered his telephone himself if he happened to be at hand because each call offered odds that he could be rude to some stranger for daring to invade his privacy without cause — «cause» by Harshaw's definition. He knew that he would not find such conditions at the Executive Palace; Mr. Secretary General would not answer his own phone. But Harshaw had years of practice in outwitting human customs; he tackled the matter cheerfully, after breakfast.

His name carried him slowly through several layers of flappers. He was sufficiently a narrow-gauge V.I.P. that he was never switched off. He was referred from secretary to secretary and wound up speaking to an urbane young man who seemed willing to listen endlessly no matter what Harshaw said — but would not connect him with the Honorable Mr. Douglas.

Harshaw knew that he would get action if he claimed to have the Man from Mars with him, but he did not think that the result would suit him. He calculated that mention of Smith would kill any chance of reaching Douglas while producing reaction from subordinates — which he did not want. With Caxton's life at stake Harshaw could not risk failure through a subordinate's lack of authority or excess of ambition.

But this soft brush-off tried his patience. Finally he snarled, «Young man, if you have no authority, let me