The Wit of Women

He must add to the wisdom of Solomon

The unwearied patience of Job,

Must be mute in political matters,

Or doff his clerical robe.

If he pray for the present Congress,

He must speak in an undertone;

If he pray for President Johnson,

He NEEDS ‘em, why let him go on.

He must touch upon doctrines so lightly,

That no one can take an offence,

Mustn’t meddle with predestination—

In short, must preach “common sense.”

Now really wanted a minister,

With religion enough to sustain him,

For the salary’s exceedingly small,

And faith alone must maintain him.

He must visit the sick and afflicted,

Must mourn with those that mourn,

Must preach the “funeral sermons”

With a very peculiar turn.

He must preach at the north-west school-house

On every Thursday eve,

And things too numerous to mention

He must do, and must believe.

He must be of careful demeanor,

Both graceful and eloquent too,

Must adjust his cravat “a la mode,”

Wear his beaver, decidedly, so.

Now if some one will deign to be shepherd

To this “our peculiar people,”

Will be first to subscribe for a bell,

And help us to right up the steeple,

If correct in doctrinal points

(We’ve a committee of investigation),

If possessed of these requisite graces,

We’ll accept him perhaps on probation.

Then if two-thirds of the church can agree,

We’ll settle him here for life;

Now, we advertise, “Wanted, a Minister,”

And not a minister’s wife.

THE MIDDY OF 1881.

BY MAY CROLY ROPER.

I’m the dearest, I’m the sweetest little mid

To be found in journeying from here to Hades,

I am also, nat-u-rally, a prodid-

Gious favorite with all the pretty ladies.

I know nothing, but say a mighty deal;

My elevated nose, likewise, comes handy;

I stalk around, my great importance feel—

In short, I’m a brainless little dandy.

My hair is light, and waves above my brow,

My mustache can just be seen through opera-glasses;

I originate but flee from every row,

And no one knows as well as I what “sass” is!

The officers look down on me with scorn,

The sailors jeer at me—behind my jacket,