even if I went to Bletchley Park?’
‘I want you to have some training there, specialist stuff.’ He took out a huge hankie and blew his nose severely. He seemed to be short of breath for a moment and then he spoke again. ‘You must put personal issues aside, young lady, and do your duty.’
Hari felt exasperated. ‘I thought I was doing my duty, Colonel Edwards. I am working at a munitions factory and one of my best friends was blinded in an accident here. We are all in danger every day, isn’t that duty enough?’
‘Well, in Bletchley you aren’t likely to get blown up by a shell are you?’ His eyebrows hid his eyes.
‘My personal safety is not an issue, sir, I’m just not clever about codes and ciphers and things.’
‘I’m not arguing. You have to go, at least for a few weeks or so.’
She faced him, her hands firmly on the desk. ‘Have I displeased you?’
‘You are an unmarried lady.’ He was suddenly irate. ‘We work together a great deal, alone in an office. Do you see what I’m getting at?’
Hari did. She was amazed. ‘People are talking about us?’
‘’Fraid so.’
‘But, sir.’ Hari stopped. What she had been about to say was insulting.
He said it for her. ‘I know I’m old enough to be your grandfather. Still, there it is.’ He ran his hand round his collar; his neck was red.
‘Look, Hari, It will do you good to have a break from this stuffy office, to see the innovative, creative work those brain boxes at Bletchley do. If I was twenty years younger things would be different, very different.’
Hari didn’t know if he was referring to the talk about them or working at Bletchley Park.
‘All right, sir.’ Her voice was meek. She thought of Michael and Meryl and her heart sank; they just wouldn’t know where to contact her even if they could. They might not be alive and, if they were, God knows what dangers they were facing. And there was Father. When she got home she would write to tell him she would be away for a while.
That night she went to see Kate to say her goodbyes.
Kate was alone in the house. She lifted her head when Hari walked into the kitchen and held out her arms. ‘Hari, please help me.’
Kate’s instincts amazed Hari. ‘How the hell did you know it was me?’
‘I know your scent, the sound of your footsteps, oh, it’s lots of things. Pour us a drink there’s a darlin’, I’m flummoxed so I am.’ Her voice wavered. ‘I think the Virgin Mother herself must have sent you to me.’
They sat and drank brandy and soda. Stephen, it seemed, was rich enough to get drink on the black market. Hari sipped the fiery liquid and waited for Kate to unburden herself.
The house was silent, not even the radio played out: no dance music; no news of war; nothing. ‘What on earth are you doing sitting here alone like this?’
‘Oh Hari!’ Kate began to cry, hot, bitter tears. She put her hands over her face as though she was ashamed. Hari went to her and held her while Kate sobbed like a distressed child.
‘Is the baby sick? Hilda—is she all right?’
Kate’s words tumbled out like a river in full flood. ‘Eddie’s alive and well—he came home and sat with me and kissed me and I thought I was in heaven. And then Stephen came in and said about the baby I’m carrying. Eddie was so hurt that I was with Stephen and didn’t wait for him. I tried to explain that this time when he was missing I thought he must have been killed. Anyway, he took little Teddy and walked out. Hilda went after him and I haven’t seen any of them since yesterday.’ She cried again, her voice rising, she was on the verge of hysteria.
‘And Stephen?’
‘Stephen packed his things and left me, they’ve all left me. Oh God, Hari, what am I going to do?’
Hari rocked her as though she were a baby—how could she tell Kate that soon, she too would be leaving for Bletchley Park in England? ‘I’ll get us another drink,’ she said, but Kate clung to her.
‘Stay here, hold me Hari, tell me everything is going to be all right. I can’t bear all this unhappiness. Haven’t I put up with enough with my blindness?’
It was the first time Hari had ever heard Kate complain about the accident. They sat together, clinging to each other until, with a sense of relief, Hari heard the latch of the door being lifted.
Kate lifted her head. ‘Hilda!’ she breathed, ‘what’s going on, tell me or for sure I’ll go mad.’
‘Here.’ Hilda put Teddy in Kate’s arms. ‘You’ve got your child and you’ve got me for as long as I last in this life. As for the menfolk, your guess is as good as mine.’
Hilda’s solution to any crisis was to put the kettle on the gas stove. As she put out clean cups, her face was red from weeping and Hari felt a pang of pity for the woman who was worn and worried and heavy with the knowledge she had no power to make things right.
‘How was I to know he was alive?’ Kate’s hands were held out imploringly. ‘I needed my son, Eddie’s son, to be born in marriage. I sure didn’t want him being called a bastard, you know that Hilda—’ her hand touched Hari’s —‘and so do you my dear, dear friend.’
‘No one’s blaming you.’ Hari’s voice was soft.
‘Too right no one is blaming her,’ Hilda agreed.
‘Eddie is and so is Stephen come to that. How in the name of God and all the angels could I have made such a mess of my life? I had two fine men to love me and now I’ve lost both of them.’
‘Which one do you really want, that’s the question,’ Hilda said sharply.
‘I want my Eddie,’ Kate said simply.
A voice from the doorway was full of love and gladness. ‘It’s me, Kate, Eddie. I’ve come back home and what you’ve just said, that’s exactly what I needed to know.’
They clung together, weeping, and Hari left them and walked the empty, silent streets towards her home.
Thirty-Six
I looked at the strange land of Germany and felt alien and frightened. I had to remind myself that Michael was born here, lived here until he was ten before Jessie took him home to Wales.
The German officer had managed to contact Herr Euler and eventually believed our story and let us go once we reached the coast of Saint-Nazaire. We had been dropped ashore and we needed to head through Germany, making for the farmlands North of Hamburg. There, his father would no doubt arrange for papers for us both; our excuse for not identifying ourselves was good—all our possessions had been lost at sea.
I grew up then, all at once. I looked at Michael and knew without doubt he could never love me; it was a dream of mine, a hopeless, helpless dream. He talked incessantly about my sister; he talked about Hari’s amazing hair, her beauty, her warmth of spirit. The trouble was I agreed with him; Hari was all those things. I loved her and I hated her.
An army lorry drove by us filled with uniformed soldiers. They stopped with a screech of brakes and sharp words, most of which I understood, shot like bullets at Michael. He replied quickly, explained our situation, mentioned the submarine commander and his father and then, magically, we were gestured to board over the back and into the well of the truck.
Michael talked about his father and one of the officers frowned. ‘Euler?’ he said, and Michael nodded. After that, the men became respectful but distant. I had the impression they knew of Michael’s father and feared him. I must have fallen asleep against Michael’s shoulder then because when I opened my eyes we were in farmland, flat with not a hill or a mountain in sight, not at all like Jessie’s place in Carmarthen.
I heard the familiar, mournful sounds of the herds and the fussy, gossipy cluck of hens as they scratched with sharp claws at the ground. If I closed my eyes again, I could be back in Carmarthen. I wished I was.
Michael helped me down on to the road and thanked the driver of the truck. ‘You don’t talk much,’ the man said to me in English. I looked at him blankly. He wasn’t going to catch me that easily.
Michael took my arm and set off across a field, straddling the rows of green weed things that showed the crop was potato, perhaps turnips. I never did learn a lot about the land.
