get ahead. He probably didn’t really admire his boss. He just wanted to appear to admire his work. Cameron also most likely didn’t look very closely at his coworker’s proposal. He just wanted to make sure his peer didn’t get ahead of him in line for a promotion.
Remember that flattery and insults raise one question only, and that is: what do you want? Whether you are receiving them or sending them out, they are worthless. Practice mentally dismissing both whenever and wherever they appear.
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An actor was interviewed for a national newspaper, and they asked her how she was dealing with the outpouring of praise she received from critics for her recent performance. Her response was enlightening. She said that if she allowed herself to believe the flattery, she would also have to buy in to the insults those same critics bestowed upon her under different circumstances.
Individuals who achieve great success are not affected by flattery—or insults. They develop a strong inner sense of their abilities, and that identity cannot be shaken. Flattery is something that influences those who do not have a strong core, those who wish they are something they are not. If you are confident you are following your destiny and doing your best, then it doesn’t matter much what other people say about you.
Don’t be concerned with flattery. It doesn’t matter. It might be true, and it might just be someone sucking up to you because they want something else. Concentrate your efforts on honoring your gifts. You know what they are. You have done a number of exercises in this book alone to find out what you enjoy and where you excel in life. Are you still traveling toward goals that match your abilities and your passions? Take some time today to reach inward and center yourself. Realign yourself with your dreams if you have gotten off course. Are you on a path that brings out your best talents? Are you honoring your gifts and bringing them out in the open?
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Agnetha Faltskog is a successful singer who is well known as a member of the popular band ABBA. She is a terrific example of someone who knows exactly where she stands. This woman can spot empty flattery a mile away, and it has no effect on how she views herself or her success.
She points out a very important lesson. In the end, it is your own approval that means the most. Think about that for a moment. If someone lavishes praise on you, but you know deep down that you only gave a small percentage of your abilities, how do you feel about yourself? If you know that you could have done a lot better, then it’s difficult to accept or believe that praise.
You are the only one who knows exactly what you are capable of achieving. If you hold back, you will know it. You can choose to pretend to believe flattery, but you always know the truth deep down. In order to live a successful, meaningful, and happy life, you must be authentic. That means you must use your talents and not hold back. How will you feel if you don’t achieve overall success, and you know that you could have done better, but instead you chose to listen to empty flattery and quit when you thought you were ahead?
Take another day today to look inside and make sure you are being true to yourself. Are you using all of your talents? Do you approve of the efforts you are making today?
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Over the next few days you will be taking a look at what really matters—to you. What are the important things in your life? Are they toys? The quote above suggests that the stuff you collect doesn’t really matter much in the end. If that’s true, then what does matter?
Let’s start this series with an awareness exercise. Make a list of the things you cannot do without. Next, make a list of the things that you enjoy, but you could live without. Finally, make a list of the stuff you probably don’t need and wouldn’t mind discarding.
After you complete this assignment, take a look at your three lists. What do you notice? Write in your journal about any conclusions you can reach by observing your lists with a critical eye.
When you think about what matters to you, it might also be important to consider whether or not you matter to others. Do you feel as though you make a difference? Are you significant to those around you? Write in your journal about how you influence your surroundings, human and otherwise, and what the world would be like if you suddenly went missing. Do you think anyone would notice? How would you be missed?
