“Which is the only reason I feel the slightest gratitude to Logan.”
“He’s a good man.'
'No comment.'
She was silent as she gazed across the field at the red flag marking the grave. Are you there, Debby Jordan? I hope you are. God, I hope we can bring you home.
'She had two children?'
'Two little boys. According to the newspapers, she had everything. A good marriage, a family, friends. She was a good person trying to live a good life. Then one day she left home and never came back. No warning. No reason. Dom saw her and wanted her dead.' She shook her head.
'That’s what’s most frightening. You can live your life in the best way, the most moral way possible, and it doesn’t make any difference. A madman chooses you at random and takes away everything. It’s not fair.'
'That’s why we all have to live every moment as if it were our last and not close ourselves off.'
He was no longer talking about Debby Jordan. 'I don’t close myself off. I just choose what I want in my life.'
'Then you should widen your selection. It’s pretty damn miserly.'
'I’m content with the way things are.'
“Bullshit.'
'Dammit, why do you want to change everything?”
“Because I’m too selfish. I want more.'
'I can’t— I don’t want—'
'Sex?'
She stiffened. It was the one subject she hadn’t wanted to bring out in the open. God knows, she’d tried to push it away a hundred times while lying in bed last night.
'I think you do want it.' He wasn’t looking at her. 'You’ve had a few sexual relationships since Bonnie died. Nothing serious. You wouldn’t let them be serious. That would have interfered with your work.'
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Joe had never spoken to her before about those fleeting relationships. She hadn’t known he’d even been aware of them. 'It still would interfere.'
'Then you’ll have to learn to deal with it.' His tone was almost offhand. 'Because I’m here and I’m serious as hell. I’ve watched and I’ve waited. I learned to control jealousy and anger and desperation. I never tried to stop you from going to other men because I knew that every step would help you heal. But you needed something else from me. Well, you got it.'
'Joe…'
'Everything I’ve done since I met you has been centered on you. You became my center. I don’t know why. I never wanted it.' He finally turned to look at her. 'But if you can see beyond Bonnie and all those other lost kids, you’ll find I’m pretty damn close to your center too.'
'You’re my friend, Joe.'
'Forever. But I can be more. I can please your body.' He paused. 'And I can give you a child.'
‘No.'
'That scared you. You’re afraid to even think of it, but it would be the one act that might heal you. For God’s sake, it wouldn’t be a betrayal of Bonnie.'
'No.'
He shrugged. 'I’m not pushing it. We have a long way to go before we get that far.'
She stared at him in pain and bewilderment. 'Joe, it wouldn’t work.”
“It will work. I’ll make it work.' He smiled. 'My first goal is to get you to think of me as a sex object instead of as a brother. Shall I tell you how good I am in bed?'
He was joking. Or was he? She was so confused, she wasn’t sure of anything about him anymore.
'No, I’d rather show you.' His smile faded. 'And I know this isn’t the time or place. Though it seems as though we’ve spent most of our years together balanced on the edge of a grave.' He reached over and touched her cheek. 'You should think about the fact that a good portion of the time I’m looking at you I’m not seeing my friend. I’m seeing you in bed or on top of me or putting your hands on— He threw back his head and laughed. 'Your eyes are as wide as saucers.”
“Damn you, Joe.' She felt as if her face were on fire. 'I won’t think about it.' But she would. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from remembering his words.
And he knew it.
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'It’s okay.' He was still smiling as he pulled her into the crook of his arm. 'Relax. I don’t mind occasionally being just a shoulder to lean on. I’m only opening our relationship to more interesting possibilities.'
