'Not so,' said R-, 'my friend desires you will take your choice.'
M- chose the sword his friend had pronounced the best and we set to work.
Poor M- knew nothing of fencing, that soon became manifest; I was young, I had a heart then, I did not want to kill him, so watching a chance I ran him through the sword arm. The blood spurted out, the seconds interfered, but M- swore a great oath and said if I did not kill him, he'd kill me. His arm was bound up with a handkerchief, and he attacked me with the wildest fury; but I had not learnt of Angelo for nothing, and parried all his lunges; but at length he ran in and made such a desperate pass at my breast that I was obliged to volte, so that I received him on my weapon, and he fell back dead as a stone. They raised him up, but he never spoke, and so mounting our horses we rode off.
'It's just as well as it is,' said R-, 'for if you hadn't killed him, I should.'
Of course there was a court of inquiry and all that, but it being proved that I was the challenged party, I was released from arrest and ordered to return to my duty, Brigadier L- merely observing to me that it was as well to abstain from such rencontres in future, as they were quite contrary to the Articles of War.
Now it is very absurd, you will say, but I must confess I felt that poor fellow's death poignantly; after all he had been wronged, though not legally, and the respect which it procured me, did not compensate for the anguish I endured at having cut off in the prime of life a gallant young fellow of twenty-eight. I felt this for years afterwards. I often feel it now, and would give all I possess to be free from the stain of that man's blood.
Yet such is life, and so inconsistent is human nature, that it did not prevent me from passing the next night in the arms of Mrs T-, who called me her little Cid, her true knight, and caressed me in the most flattering manner. I told her I was sorry I had killed him; she laughed and said, 'Why, you silly boy, did he not take two shots at you, and the first that went through the sail seems to have gone very near your pretty little head. If he had hit you it would have been murder; your affair is a mere matter of course, an affair of honour, be easy.'
'But he could not fence, he knew nothing of the straight sword,' said I, 'it would have been more plucky if I had let him use his own weapon.'
'Nonsense, silly boy, he would have shot you through the heart as he did T- and D-, and poor young K-.'
'Has he killed so many?' said I.
'Oh, yes, he was a Goliath of Gath with the pistol, but my little David has slain the giant!'
I was a little comforted at this information, and began to think that it was just as well that M-
was out of the world, but I would rather that R- had killed him than I.
However, I threw off the megrims for the nonce, and gave myself up to the enjoyment of Mrs T-'s perfections.
What a happy night we had! what gamahuching, what fucking, and what a delicious supper she gave me. With her for the time, I was a little hero, and Venus never served Mars with greater empressement than that lovely girl did me that night.
Women may sometimes like a smooth cheek, and a boyish figure, but they adore a brave heart, and she thought me a worthy gallant. But, in point of fact, I had little to boast of but a skill in fencing.
'Tis true he had little to boast of but a correct eye at twelve paces, and would have killed me to a certainty; still his not being a hero did not constitute me one, and spite of all the flattery I received from her and others, the adulation of young ladies and the gracious looks of the men, many of them veterans in war, I was not happy at the result of that ever to be lamented duel.
Now although Mrs T- was certainly as fine a woman as any man could desire to possess, she was so very lustful and insatiable, that a very few days of her company sufficed to cloy me and cool my ardour, and the last night I passed with her I had some difficulty in bringing a second embrace to a satisfactory conclusion, notwithstanding all the blandishments of that lovely woman, so true it is that too much of the same pleasure wearies and nauseates in the long run. I was, therefore, not sorry to remember that the major would return on the morrow, and cut short our amorous meetings.
But there was, perhaps, another reason for my waning passion. I had made the acquaintance of a delicious creature, the wife of an artillery officer, to whom I paid great attention.
Mrs B- was just eighteen, and had been married about six months, she was the beau ideal of a pretty English girl. She had fine blue eyes, full of expression and even fire, an oval face, luxuriant chestnut hair and a charming figure. I admired her extremely, and did not attempt to conceal my admiration.
She evidently understood my glances, for she returned them, but steadfastly repelled all attempts at caresses. One fact I had ascertained to my great satisfaction, she did not care two straws for her husband; he, foolish man, had not succeeded in pleasing his young wife. She had married him to comply with the wishes of her friends (like most girls who go out to India), because they assured her he was a suitable match, and could offer a handsome settlement, and found out too late that he had nothing in his temperament to suit her ardent nature.
Now it happened at this time that the officers were getting up some theatrical performances, which were to precede a masked fancy dress ball, and the only obstacle they met with was to find officers sufficiently young, clever and willing to undertake the female parts.
A deputation from the theatrical committee waited upon me and exhausted all their persuasions to induce me to take the part of Laura in Love, Law, and Physic, but I absolutely refused.
'I'd no idea,' I said, 'of being turned into a girl just on the eve of a fancy ball.'
By and by some of these fellows went to dine with Captain and Mrs B-, and complained very much of my obstinacy.
'Perhaps,' said Mrs B-, 'a lady might be able to induce him to comply; accept my good offices.'
They were delighted, and tendered her their thanks.
The next day she invited me to tiff (lunch) with her, tete-a-tete. I accepted the invitation with rapture. As soon as we had got all we wanted, she told the servants they need not wait, and at once opened the campaign. I began to relent.
'But, my dear Mrs B-,' said I, 'I shouldn't know how to dress myself, I've no idea in the world how women's clothes are put on. I should make of myself the greatest guy in the world.'
'But suppose,' she said, with a bewitching smile, 'that some lady were to offer to be your tirewoman; suppose, for example, I were to consent to dress you?'
'You!'
Yes. I myself!'
'In that case I would undertake to act in twenty farces!' cried I after reflecting for a moment.
'But your husband, what would he say to that?'
'My husband, indeed! I hope you don't suppose I ever allow him to intrude into my dressing-room! You are very like a young lady who arrived at the cantonment the other day, a Miss J-. I happen to know she is not well, and as she has often been here, if the servants see you, they would merely say if asked that Miss J- had been with me; that is after I have dressed you, mind, prior to that you must not be seen by any mortal, and must come through the plantation at the back of the house, to my bathroom window, which opens on it; you will find nobody in the garden. Sit down under the window till I come to you.'
'At what time?' cried I, enchanted at the prospect of an intrigue so completely after my own heart.
'Oh! about half-past seven or eight; I shall take an hour to metamorphose you; but remember one thing, you must not smoke one cheroot all day tomorrow, or you will spoil a little afterplot on which I have set my heart.'
While she was talking, I had stealthily passed my right hand under the fall of the tablecloth, and was toying with her polished thigh about two inches above her garter.
'Don't be rude,' she whispered. 'Imprudent boy, don't!'
I gave her a look.
'What wicked eyes you have!' she whispered again.
'Everybody else says the same thing,' said I, 'but this plot of yours — tell me your plot?'
'You know Feridoon, as they call him, Cornet F-, of the — th Cavalry,' said she, blushing prodigiously, and pushing away my hand, which I had forced higher up her thigh.
'Oh, yes, the ass!'
'Is he not!' said she. 'Well, before I married, he had the effrontery to pay his addresses to me!
and, since my marriage, has so persecuted me with his attentions, that everybody has noticed it and my husband has spoken to me about it. I told him I detested the fellow and that he was welcome to kick him out of the
