The Devil's Dictionary

EVERLASTING, adj. Lasting forever. It is with no small diffidence that I venture to offer this brief and elementary definition, for I am not unaware of the existence of a bulky volume by a sometime Bishop of Worcester, entitled, A Partial Definition of the Word “Everlasting,” as Used in the Authorized Version of the Holy Scriptures. His book was once esteemed of great authority in the Anglican Church, and is still, I understand, studied with pleasure to the mind and profit of the soul.

EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc. “The exception proves the rule” is an expression constantly upon the lips of the ignorant, who parrot it from one another with never a thought of its absurdity. In the Latin, ”Exceptio probat regulam“ means that the exception tests the rule, puts it to the proof, not confirms it. The malefactor who drew the meaning from this excellent dictum and substituted a contrary one of his own exerted an evil power which appears to be immortal.

EXCESS, n. In morals, an indulgence that enforces by appropriate penalties the law of moderation.

Hail, high Excess — especially in wine,

To thee in worship do I bend the knee

Who preach abstemiousness unto me —

My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine.

Precept on precept, aye, and line on line,

Could ne’er persuade so sweetly to agree

With reason as thy touch, exact and free,

Upon my forehead and along my spine.

At thy command eschewing pleasure’s cup,

With the hot grape I warm no more my wit;

When on thy stool of penitence I sit

I’m quite converted, for I can’t get up.

Ungrateful he who afterward would falter

To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

EXCOMMUNICATION, n.

This “excommunication” is a word

In speech ecclesiastical oft heard,

And means the damning, with bell, book and candle,

Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal —

A rite permitting Satan to enslave him

Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.

Gat Huckle

EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect. Following is an extract from an old book entitled, The Lunarian Astonished — Pfeiffer & Co., Boston, 1803:

LUNARIAN: Then when your Congress has passed a law it goes

directly to the Supreme Court in order that it may at once be

known whether it is constitutional?

TERRESTRIAN: O no; it does not require the approval of the

Supreme Court until having perhaps been enforced for many

years somebody objects to its operation against himself — I

mean his client. The President, if he approves it, begins to

execute it at once.

LUNARIAN: Ah, the executive power is a part of the legislative.

Do your policemen also have to approve the local ordinances

that they enforce?

TERRESTRIAN: Not yet — at least not in their character of

constables. Generally speaking, though, all laws require the

approval of those whom they are intended to restrain.

LUNARIAN: I see. The death warrant is not valid until signed by

the murderer.

TERRESTRIAN: My friend, you put it too strongly; we are not so

consistent.

LUNARIAN: But this system of maintaining an expensive judicial

machinery to pass upon the validity of laws only after they