up my eyes to see that I can make it through difficult times if I rely on him. My faith just got stronger. Jason and I are closer now to each other, and we’re closer as a family.”
God may have had other purposes for Jason’s deployment that no one can see yet, but at present, Jason and Sonja say it’s enough that it brought them closer together.
We all walk through valleys at some point in our lives. Some of us will be blessed on the other side with the understanding of why God took us down that road and how he plans to use it in our lives, but not always. Regardless, we are called to follow him daily, even though we can’t see the big picture like he can.
Lord, help me follow you even when I can’t see your plan.
“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)
September 15
PASSION FATIGUE
Mention deployment to a friend or family member and questions like “How many times has he been deployed?” are asked. This late in the war, it’s not uncommon to hear “three times” or “almost five years in the last ten.” It’s a shock sometimes, to me even, when I hear myself say it out loud.
I noticed this time I have a hard time minding the details of where David is and what he’s doing. I see it like this: he’s one of two places here or not here. One thing is for sure: right up there with compassion fatigue is my own passion fatigue.
I wish for those early days of the war, when we were sure it was just and winnable. Lines have crossed and blurred now. Subsequent deployments haven’t gotten easier with our multiplying stressors or the soldiers’ changing enemy. In my darkest, lonely hours I cry, “If this isn’t persecution, I don’t know what is.” It’s not that I don’t believe in what we’re doing. I’ve long felt this is our family’s duty, honor, and ministry. I just wish there were more soldiers in the fight.
I sigh when I realize the similarities between the need for soldiers fighting to liberate the oppressed overseas and the need for Christian soldiers to disseminate the freeing Truth. There will never be enough of either and the work will not get easier. The fact of the matter is that the more persistent we are, the worse it will get, on earth. So I pull up those boot straps and focus on the Lord and what it all means. I focus on his promises of the rewards in Heaven and the knowledge that opposition (read: persecution) means we are striking a nerve with the enemy, and it isn’t all for naught.
Lord, Thank You for our opportunity to serve You and our nation. Thank You for promising heaven and giving meaning to our suffering.
“And God will use this persecution to show his justice and to make you worthy of his Kingdom, for which you are suffering.” (2 Thessalonians 1:5 NLT)
September 16
SOMETHING TO BE HUMBLE ABOUT
If your heart goes unchecked like mine, sometimes it may be puffed with pride. It doesn’t take much: a few poignant lyrics, hearing the American flag snap sharply in the sky on a windy day, making it to another homecoming intact. For the most part, the country honors our service and sacrifice of a military family as a whole. Military spouses are elevated right along with service members.
I had one of these moments recently. A monument was erected atop one of the nation’s premier ski jumps right in my in-laws’ hometown. We went for a visit, and it was a site to behold. A garrison flag flies high and brick pavers bear the names of many who have served or are still serving. Inside is a time capsule that holds the DD214s of half the state’s veterans. The time capsule will be opened in about one hundred years, 2106. My husband and I are veterans from the counties recognized. I was so proud.
My mind wandered to where my family would be in 2106. Who would be there to be proud for us? Would the children of tomorrow gain a sense of the full measure of patriotism as is one of the monument’s stated purposes? “I bet not,” I thought. Already signs of vandalism were cropping up too close for comfort. I was indignant to think that one hundred years down the road, a ceremony might go unnoticed or veterans might be forgotten. I hope it won’t be.
In that hope, I attached a prayer, but at the same time was gently admonished for taking credit for God’s strength and maybe not caring enough that God is so often forgotten. In our three-day drive to the in-laws, we passed a few other sites to behold: crosses in the mountains, steeples seen from far off distances, a marble statue at least four stories high of Jesus with outstretched arms. Next time I’ll do more than drive-by; I’ll pray that one hundred years from now, veterans and military families will recognize God as the one who sustained them.
Father, strip me of these prideful feelings, for I know it’s You, not us, who has the power. Forgive me for acting as if I’m the only one. It’s Your grace and strength from which I draw my own. Thank You.
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” (James 4:10 NLT)
September 17
FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE
Truth is that David had me from: “I prayed for you.” But my interest was piqued even more from “I enlisted.”
David and I have a long history. We were in the same circles since junior high. We dated in those circles, but we didn’t really know each other. That became very apparent the day I started hearing rumors that David had enlisted via the delayed entry program.
“In the Army? Can he do that?” I questioned. He was seventeen. My own young life had been shaped by family members who served. I had a deep interest through the military instruction I received in JROTC classes. To me, the military symbolized symbolizes still selfless service, compassion for others, a level of personal responsibility. It was a world I deeply respected. This young man was put on my heart as “the one.”
Thus my journey with the military began by writing daily letters to David at Basic Training in 1989. He came home, we dated, and he told me one day that he prayed for me, as in he asked for me from God. The gifts just kept on coming.
Soon I was a soldier myself, then an Iraqi Freedom military spouse, and now Enduring Freedom spouse. This Army wife life brings the best and worst of times. I choose to reflect on the best experiences: a greater love, a life
