then? Do you tell me I am not your son?'
Craddoc looked at him a moment, his eyes unwavering. 'Never have I been false to any man. Save once. To you.'
'A lie?' Taran stammered in dismay. 'Did you lie to me then? or do you lie to me now?'
'Half-truth is worse than lie,' Craddoc answered brokenly. 'Hear me. Hear this part of the truth. Yes, long past, as he journeyed through Prydain, Dallben sheltered with me. But of what he sought he never spoke.'
'The child,' Taran cried. 'There was none?'
'There was,' Craddoc answered. 'A son. Our first born, even as I told you. He did not live beyond the day of his birth. His mother died with him,' he murmured. 'And you? I needed your strength to keep what remained to me. I saw no other way. Even as I spoke the lie, I was ashamed, then more ashamed to speak the truth. When your companion left, I could only hope that you would follow with him, and gave you freedom so to do. You chose to stay.
'But this, as well, is true,' Craddoc said hurriedly. 'At first I leaned upon you as on my crutch, because you served my need, but no father came to love a son more dearly.'
Taran's head sank to his breast. He could not speak, and his tears blinded him.
Craddoc, who had half-raised himself, fell back to the stones of the ledge: 'Go from here,' he murmured.
Taran's hand dropped to his side. His fingers touched the rim of the battle horn. With a sudden cry he straightened. Eilonwy's horn! Unthinking, he had slung it about his shoulder when he had run from the cottage. Hastily he drew it from beneath his cloak. The summons to the Fair Folk, the call he had treasured! It alone could save Craddoc. He stumbled to his feet. The ledge seemed to sway beneath him. The notes Doli had taught him blurred in his mind and he strove desperately to recall them. Suddenly they rang once more in his memory.
He raised the horn to his lips. The notes sprang loud and clear and even before the signal faded, the wind caught them and seemed to fling the call through all the valley, where it returned in echo after echo. Then whirling shadows engulfed him and Taran dropped to the ledge.
How long they clung there he did not know; whether moments or hours, he was only dimly aware of strong hands bearing him up, of a rope lashed about his waist. He glimpsed vaguely, as between the flickering of a dark flame, the broad faces of dwarfish mountaineers, whose number he could not judge.
When next he opened his eyes he was in the cottage, the fire blazing, Gurgi beside him. Taran started up. Pain seared his chest, which he saw had been carefully bandaged.
'The signal!' he murmured feebly. 'It was answered…'
'Yes, yes!' Gurgi cried. 'Fair Folk save us with mighty haulings and heavings! They bind up kindly master's hurtful wounds and leave healing herbs for all that is needful!'
'The summons,' Taran began. 'Good old Doli. He warned me not to waste it. For Craddoc's sake, I'm glad I kept it as long as I did. Craddoc? where is he? How does he fare?' He stopped suddenly.
Gurgi was looking at him silently. The creature's face wrinkled miserably and tears stood in his eyes as he bowed his shaggy head.
Taran fell back. His own cry of anguish rang in his ears. Beyond that was only darkness.
Chapter 16
Taran Wanderer
FEVER CAME, SWEEPING over him, a blazing forest through which he staggered endlessly; tossing on the straw pallet, he knew neither day nor night. Often there were dream faces half-glimpsed, half-recognized, of Eilonwy, of his companions, of all whom he had loved; yet they slipped away from him, shifting and changing like wind-driven clouds, or were swallowed by nightmares that made him cry out in terror. Later, he seemed to see Fflewddur, but the bard had turned gaunt, hollow-eyed, his yellow hair matted on his forehead, his mouth pinched and his long nose thin as a blade. His garments hung ragged and stained. Kaw perched on his shoulder and croaked, 'Taran, Taran!'
'Yes, well, indeed it's about time you're waking up,' said Fflewddur, grinning at him. Beside the bard, Gurgi squatted on a wooden stool and peered at him anxiously.
Taran rubbed his eyes, unsure whether he was asleep or awake. This time the faces did not vanish. He blinked. The sheepskin had been taken from the window and sunlight streamed over him.
'Gurgi? Kaw?' Taran murmured. 'Fflewddur? What's happened to you? You look like half of yourself.'
'You're hardly one to talk about appearances, old friend.' The bard chuckled. 'If you could see yourself, I'm sure you'd agree you look worse than I do.'
Still baffled, Taran turned to Gurgi who had leaped up joyously and clapped his hands.
'Kindly master is well again!' Gurgi shouted. 'He is well, without groanings and moanings, without shiverings and quiverings! And it is faithful, clever Gurgi who tends him!'
'That's true,' agreed Fflewddur. 'For the past two weeks he's fussed over you like a mother hen, and he couldn't have given you more care if you'd been one of his pet lambs!
'I rode straight as an arrow from Caer Dallben,' the bard continued. 'Ah? well? the truth of it is, I got lost for a time; then it began snowing. Llyan plowed through drifts up to her ears, and even she finally had to stop. For a while we sheltered in a cave? Great Belin, I thought I'd never see the light of day again.' Fflewddur gestured at his tattered clothing: 'It was the sort of journey that tends to make one rather unkempt. Not to mention three-fourths starved. Kaw was the one who happened to find us, and he guided us along the clearer trails.
'As for Dallben,' Fflewddur went on, 'he was upset, considerably more than he wanted to show. Though all he said was 'Taran is not the herdsman's son, but whether or not he stays is a matter entirely of his own choosing.'
'And so I came back as fast as I could,' the bard concluded. 'Alas, I didn't reach you sooner.' He shook his head. 'Gurgi told me what happened.'
'Craddoc longed for a son,' Taran answered slowly, 'as I longed for parentage. I wonder if I would not have been happier had I believed him. Though at the end, I think I did. Gurgi and I could have climbed to safety. For the sake of Craddoc, I sounded Eilonwy's horn. Had I done it sooner, perhaps he might have lived. He was a man of courage and good heart, a proud man. Now he is dead. I saved the signal to use in a worthy cause, and when I found one it was wasted.'
'Wasted?' answered Fflewddur. 'I think not. Since you did your best and didn't begrudge using it, I shouldn't call it wasted at all.'
'There is more that you do not know,' Taran said. He looked squarely at the bard. 'My best? At first I thought to leave Craddoc on the ledge.'
'Well, now,' replied the bard, 'each man has his moment of fear. If we all behaved as we often wished to there'd be sorry doings in Prydain. Count the deed, not the thought.'
'In this I count my thought as much,' Taran said in a cold voice. 'It was not fear that held me back. Will you know the truth? I was ashamed to be base-born, so ashamed it sickened me. I would have left Craddoc to his death. Yes, left him to die!' he burst out. 'Because I believed it would have set me free of him. I was ashamed to be the son of a herdsman. But no longer. Now my shame is for myself.' He turned his face away and said no more.
THE COMPANIONS WINTERED in the cottage, and little by little Taran's strength came back. At the first thaw, when the valley sparkled with melting snow and the streams burst from their ice-bound courses, Taran stood silently in the dooryard and looked at the pale green summits, pondering what had long been in his heart.
'We'll soon be ready,' said Fflewddur, who ,had come from seeing to Llyan and the steeds. 'The passes should be dear. The Lake of Llunet can't be too far, and with Kaw to help us, we should reach it in no time.'
'I've thought carefully on this,' Taran replied. 'All winter I've tried to decide what I should do, and never have I found an answer. But one thing is clear, and my mind is made up. I will not seek the Mirror.'
'What's that you say?'cried Fflewddur. 'Do I hear you aright? Give up your search? Now, of all times? After all you've gone through? Taran, my boy, you've regained your health, but not your wits!'
Taran shook his head. 'I give it up. My quest has brought only grief to all of you. And for me, it's led me not to honor but to shame. Taran? Taran makes me sick at heart. I longed to be of noble birth, longed for it so much I
