we could decide what it was that made them similar. You told us – particularly you, Dan – that all of them had pretty much the same experience and everything that you did, Kelly; so we were trying to find a way to separate what they did in their jobs, which we figured was related to their personality, from what they were like as people. We thought that if we could get the part that made them the same right, then we could use that to try and find out who the fifth person was. We thought about what the other girls – women! – must be like to have the jobs they do, and then started thinking about what would make someone you said we already knew stand out.'
They had the right idea, and Kelly and I both encouraged her to continue.
'Once we had that part figured out, we had to start really paying attention to people, to try and see if they were anything like what we were looking for. It took a little while, but we finally decided that Ms. Hanson was our best candidate. After that, it was just a question of really listening to her, and watching how she acted. When we started doing that, it didn't take us long to realize that she has this kind of, I don't know, serenity. It's like nothing really bothers her: She doesn't get all upset and everything like the rest of the teachers do when some of the kids start acting up; she just gets everyone settled down, and goes on with what she was teaching. If a kid is having trouble with something, she does everything she can to help them, but if a kid acts like they don't want to bother, then she leaves them alone – she pretty much lets us have everything we show her WE want out of the class.'
Bonita picked it up then, telling us 'When she teaches us, she seems to know when there's something she needs to explain, and when she can go along a little faster. Anybody can ask her any kind of question and time, and she'll answer it. If she's not sure, she says so – which is way different than the other teachers! – and then finds out so she can tell us. She doesn't talk to us like we're a bunch of kids, either. I mean, she talks to us like we have a brain, too – and she expects us to use it. Her class isn't hard or anything, but you still learn a lot, you know? I've watched her when she's talking to other people – teachers, and adults, like – and she's always friendly and polite, even when she doesn't agree with something they're saying. And she's always honest when you ask her something; whether it involves her or not, she'll always give you the best answer she has, no matter what it's about. If you ask her something where it's just somebody's opinion, she'll tell you what her answer is, but tell you that you need to check around and make up your own mind. I heard that when she was trying to help this guy last year, the other teachers were telling her that she couldn't do it, but she wouldn't let them change her mind – and once she got started, she just kept going; it was like nothing could stop her, either.'
Kelly and I both knew the situation Bonita was talking about. Jan had come to us to ask for advice on how to deal with a kid that was having problems at home. I'd suggested that she should help him, if she could, as had Kelly. It took a little while for her to figure out how to help him, even as the other teachers had been telling her to let it go; once she knew what to do, though, she hadn't hesitated to do everything she could. As it turned out, the kid was living with an alcoholic father and no mother. He was basically taking care of all the housework, cooking, and everything else – on top of trying to go to school. It was finally getting to be too much for him, what with the beatings he'd get from his dad, and his schoolwork was suffering. Once she'd found someone that was able to put him on a list to get him into a foster home, she'd gotten Robyn to go with her to the kids house and 'talk' to the father. Between the two of them, they'd managed to convince him to let the boy leave, and to stop abusing him until it was time for him to go. Once in the new environment, the kid had taken off like a rocket – near the top in all his classes, well-behaved, and a social leader. There wasn't anybody that doubted he was going to do well after that. Jan even got Sandra to talk to him a few times, just to make sure that what he'd had to go through hadn't hurt him.
I smiled at them and said 'You got it exactly right. Jan is the fifth of our special friends'
The five of them fairly beamed in pleasure at not only having worked through the problem on their own, but getting the right person.
I let them enjoy their success for a little while before I asked them 'And what have you come up with for the other challenge we had for you last time?'
That sobered them up pretty quickly, but Crissy didn't hesitate to tell us 'Actually, that part was even harder than the other one. The first part of it, Kelly reminding us what it was she taught, wasn't too hard. We figured that we're supposed to remember to think for ourselves, and really make sure about what we want, and why. As for the part about a person being in control of themselves and everything, we think that's another way of reminding us that we have to be responsible for ourselves; that we have to really think about what we're doing and how it can affect other people.'.
Claire picked it up there, saying 'The really hard part was trying to decide why you were so interested in helping us learn something, even though we didn't know what that something was. We kept going around and around in circles because we just couldn't think of anything, until we realized that you were doing all this just because you care about what happens to us.'
Evelyn finished it for them by admitting 'What we couldn't figure out was what it was you were trying to teach us, though. I mean, you've answered so many of our questions, and talked to us about so much stuff, and all that; but we just couldn't see what it is that you're trying to teach us.' – the last part apologetically.
'Stop looking at the trees, and see the forest', Kelly told them. Seeing the perplexed looks on their faces, she looked to me and said 'Dan?'
I looked at each of them in turn before asking them 'Okay, let's go through it, then. What was it that you said about a person being in control of themselves?'
'That we have to be responsible for ourselves.', Sheri answered, promptly.
I nodded, and went on 'Close enough. Now, what was the reason you gave us about why we're doing what we are?'
Claire piped up with 'Because you care about us.'
'Correct. And you said that you were supposed to remember what she taught you about thinking for yourselves. What kinds of examples did she use when she was explaining things in class?'
That one stumped them for a bit, until Crissy said 'She almost always used our emotions and everything to make a point. Most of the time, she used love as an example.'
I smiled, and then sat there as they waited to see what I would say next. Then they started thinking about what I had said.
Several minutes went by before Bonita tentatively asked 'Caring? You're teaching us about caring?'
'Try again', Kelly told them. 'You're still thinking 'tree' instead of 'forest'. Remember what I taught you in class, and what you've learned here.'
I couldn't see that any of them felt reprimanded or disappointed by Kelly's comment – only determined to puzzle it out.
A few more minutes went by before Evelyn suddenly perked up and exclaimed 'Love! What you're trying to teach us is love!'
That got the light bulb lit for the rest of them, too – it was Sheri who asked 'But you said we were right when we told you that we thought you were doing this because you cared! Caring and loving aren't the same thing, are they?'
Kelly looked at me, silently telling me that she wanted me to explain it to them.
'Sheri, wouldn't I be right if I said that you love your sister?'
'Of course.'
'And because you love her, you'd do anything you could to help her, wouldn't you?'
'Sure I would!'
'Now, would you say that Evelyn is your friend?'
'She is.'
'If Evelyn needed your help with something, wouldn't you do it, if you could?'
'Yeah.'
'But because she's only your friend, and not your sister, you wouldn't do anything to help her, would you?'
Sheri admitted 'No.', with an apologetic look to Evelyn, who didn't seem to mind the answer.
'So we can say that you definitely love your sister, because you would do anything to help her?'
'Sure, I said that, already.'
'But because you wouldn't do anything to help Evelyn, we can probably say that you only care for her – because you would help her, if you could, just not as much.'
'Yeah, that sounds okay.'
'Just to make sure, then – what you feel for your sister is definitely love.'
