'Yes, indeed. I'd give them a 9.5 – what do you think?'
'Hmmm. 9.6, I'd say – after all, it is still early in the morning, and Susan IS still kind of new at this.'
'Good point. Well, there you have it, folks: the judges have awarded our contestants a 9.5 and 9.6 – putting them on the track to Olympic gold!', Robyn concluded, with a grin.
There was a short wait, the three of them looking at each other.
'Breathing control, huh?', Susan said, continuing 'Unlike you two mouth-breathers, we've learned to breathe through our noses. So there !'
Jan and Robyn both made exaggerated surprised/serious faces, and in a few seconds, all three of them burst out in laughter.
Moving forward, Robyn gave Susan a hug, telling her 'I'd say 'good morning', but I see you're already having one.'
Jan was next, hugging Susan as well, then giving her a kiss on the lips – and getting one in return. When she turned around, I could see that Susan had finally completely accepted how things worked here, and was comfortable with it.
Robyn headed for the fridge, and got out a bottle of orange juice; Jan went straight for the coffee pot. As she went by, she saw the coffee that Susan had made. Taking her by the arm, Jan pulled her over a bit, and told her 'Listen, there is ONE thing you're going to have to get straight about being here.'
'What's that?', Susan asked.
'If you're going to drink coffee, you're going to have to learn to drink it black, just like the rest of us. Otherwise, you'll just hear him pitch a fit whenever he sees you putting stuff in it. He was in the Navy, and figures if you want cream and sugar, you shouldn't spoil it by putting coffee in it. I think it's just one of those guy things.'
'Yeah, he already gave me a hard time about it.'
'See? If you're really going to insist on drinking it that way, you're going to have to learn to tell him to leave you alone. Stuff like 'shut up' won't do it, either.'
'What do I tell him?'
Dorsai
Jan
'It's best say something like 'get stuffed', or 'get lost'. Stay away from stuff that actually involves your own body: if you tell him 'bite me', for example, he might try. It's fun, mind you, since he only nibbles, but you get the idea. Whatever you do, though, don't tell him 'beat it'!'
It took a couple of seconds before she got it, but when she did, Susan turned an absolutely amazing shade of pink before bursting out into hysterics – along with Jan and Robyn. It was bad enough that Kelly came in to see what was going on. Robyn repeated the whole thing, between gasps, before Kelly, too, cracked up.
I simply sat there, drinking my coffee, radiating Ignore waves; every time one of them would look at me, they'd start laughing again. The shredded dignity on the floor around me must have been someone else's.
I don't know if it was the noise, or the smell of the coffee, but a little bit later, Candice and Sandra wandered into the kitchen, too, rubbing the sleep from their eyes and wanting to know what was so funny.
So, of course, they were told, And promptly had their own laughing fits as I poured myself another cup – the last, as it turned out.
When they'd all gotten themselves settled down again, Jan went to get her cup of coffee – only to find there wasn't any. Giving me a dirty look, she demanded 'How come YOU got the last cup? And why didn't you make any more?'
I sniffed, and in my best aggrieved tone, told her'I got the last cup because I was the only one not laughing my guts loose. I didn't make any more because it's my house, and if I don't want to make coffee, I won't.
You want coffee, you make it – and I'll damn well drink some of it, too!'
She got an indignant look on her face while the others went into another bout of laugher, before Kelly told her 'See? That's what he
When she'd gotten her breath back again, Jan tried to give me a dirty look – but simply couldn't pull it off. She leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheek before reaching for the coffeemaker and getting another pot of coffee started.
As it was brewing, Robyn told all of them about how she and Jan had found us, and the ensuing commentary – with giggling at the appropriate points – and the response, which was met with laughs. That out of the way, Kelly announced it was her turn for a kiss, and promptly moved in to collect it – as well as significant accumulated interest I didn't know was due. From there, Jan, Robyn, and Sandra followed suit before moving on to their own self-appointed tasks. Realizing that nobody was watching, or cared, Candice finally got up the nerve to collect one too – though hers was appreciably tamer.
By that time, the coffee had finished, and when all of them had their beverage of choice (Susan made a small show of dumping hers for a fresh cup, black), Kelly asked 'So, what's for breakfast?'
I responded by telling her 'Beats me – whatever you all fix, I guess – but make plenty for me, too.'
Candice wasn't sure that I was joking; Susan, Robyn, and Sandra seemed _pretty sure_; Kelly and Jan knew it.
Seeing the look on Candice's face, Kelly told her 'He gets like this, sometimes. Positively Neanderthal. The only thing to do, really, is humor him. We'll fix something to eat, and toss some of it to him. When he's got a full belly, he's a lot more agreeable.', teasing me.
Jan added to it, telling her 'Yeah. I'm not sure why we keep him around, but I suppose he has his good points.'
All of them were watching me, to see what kind of reaction I'd have.
I sat there a couple seconds before saying 'I guess that's true. But you have your good points, too – two of them, each, that I can see.', completely deadpan.
The first ones to get it were Jan and Kelly, who were used to my humor: both went into hysterics. Next was Robyn. Then Susan, then Sandra. Last to get it was Candice – but when she did, she made up for the lost time by almost collapsing on the floor, she laughed so hard.
Finally, Susan spoke up, telling me 'Fine. We'll figure something out, and feed you. Until then, the kitchen is the woman's domain, so get lost, your Highness.' – making all of them giggle.
I stood up, and topped off my coffee as all of them watched Jan make a show of giving me the Evil Eye. I told her 'Excellent – you know your place, then.', and headed into the den, accompanied by another round of giggles.
A few minutes later, Candice came in, bringing me a toasted bagel slathered in cream cheese. Handing it to me, she smiled and said 'Kelly said I should bring this to her Lord and Master, and see if it meets with his approval.'
I took a small bite, chewed a moment, then swallowed it before telling her 'Dame Kelly has done well, and pleased her Master. As reward for her efforts, I wish her to know that I shall keep her. You are a comely serving wench, so you may stay, as well. I shall decide about the others later. Now, be gone with you.', the last with a back-of-the-hand shooing motion.
She grinned at me, and headed back into the kitchen; a minute later, I heard a round of giggling and laugher when she repeated what I'd said.
As I worked my way through the bagel, I turned the TV on, and started watching the Saturday morning cartoons, starting with Bugs Bunny. A couple of cartoons later, the whole crew of them came in, Kelly carrying a tray of assorted toasted bagel slices with cream cheese separate; Jan bearing a carafe of what I knew to be coffee. Sandra had a pitcher of orange juice; Robyn, a tray of glasses. Susan followed with a double handful of napkins, with Candice brining up the rear with coffee cups.
When all of them were in the room, they all kneeled in front of me – in unison – before Kelly said 'Breakfast is ready, Master. May we join you?'
'Sure, why not. You're all a helluva lot better looking than Bugs Bunny, that's for sure!' – getting smiles from all of them.
Jan handed the coffee to Sandra as she dragged one of the larger tables to a more convenient location. With it in place, all of them quickly put their loads down, and found seats – Kelly next to me on one side, Susan on the other. Candice sat on the floor, resting against one of my legs, Jan matched her on the other side. Sandra and
