Jan

'Okay, you've thought it through, and made your decision. But you didn't have to tell me ahead of time, so why are you really telling me this now?'

She paused a moment, and I started to take a hit from my Michelob when she said 'Because I want Uncle Dan to be the one.'

Beer came out my nose.

Which, of course, precipitated a coughing/sneezing fit.

When it was over, I was still red-faced, eyes watering, and had a runny nose – and could see that Jan was intently watching Paul, who was looking at me as though the whole thing had been MY idea somehow, and he was ready and willing to kill me for it, right on the spot.

I all but shouted 'No fu-rigging way!'. I'd never sworn around the kids, but this was more provocation than I'd ever had before, too.

Jan looked a bit hurt by that – the expression on her face almost broke my heart – but I really needed to get the point across to Paul that I had no intentions or plans to ravage this delicate flower of his loins.

It took a bit, but once satisfied that I wasn't going to rip her clothes off right on the spot and rape her before his very eyes, he seemed to understand that this was NOT something I'd come up with, and turned back to look at her.

Taking full advantage of the break, I stood up, told them 'Look, this is something you two need to talk about, without me here. Yeah, I know, it seems to involve me, but I really don't think there's anything I can say that wouldn't upset one or both of you right now. So I'm going to go home. When you two get things worked out, you know how to find me, Paul.' That said, I was out of there, like a rocket-assisted cheetah.

It was a week later, and I was at my office when my secretary let me know, via intercom, that Paul was there, and wanted to talk to me.

Knowing it was coming didn't make it any easier, but I was damned if I was going to avoid him, either; so I told her to let him in, and that I'd be unavailable until further notice.

When he came in, I could see that he hadn't been getting much sleep – and, surprisingly, that he didn't look particularly upset with me.

Once he was in a chair, I asked him if he wanted something to drink – coffee, a soda, something a bit stronger? No, he didn't, but thanks anyway. So I waited for him to say what was on his mind. After a bit, he did.

'This really sucks.'

'Yup.'

'No, I mean, this really sucks. Big time.'

'Yup.'

'You aren't gonna help me with this, are you?'

'I don't know what you've got to say, so I don't know HOW to help, Paul.'

'She's serious, you know.'

'I figured. She jokes around, but not about anything serious like this.'

'Why'd you leave?'

'Because I really didn't think there was anything I could say, just like I told you. I'm damn well not going to say anything bad about her, but if I'd pointed out anything good or right about what she was saying, you'd have likely tried to take my head off, and felt sorry about it afterward.'

'You are a smart sumbitch, aren'tcha?'

'I have my moments.'

He snorted, and there was a long pause before he continued'She's been calling me 'FATHER'.'

All I'd ever heard her call him was 'Daddy', and raised an eyebrow in question.

'Yeah. 'Father'. She's been spending all her time in her room. Only comes out for meals, and is so damn polite and formal with me that it even scares Leo and John!'

THAT scared even ME – those two weren't afraid of anything in the known universe, to my knowledge. I couldn't help but stare at him in disbelief.

'Yeah, Dan. And there's more. She won't have any of her friends over.

Won't take calls from them. Just sits in her room, doing God-only-knows-what. I got up to get a drink of water the other night, and could hear her in her bedroom – crying for chrissake!'

Hearing that even made MY heart hurt.

'Okay, Paul, so what are you going to do?'

'Damned if I know. That's why I'm here – to talk to you.'

'Why? Like I said, I'm not going to say anything bad about her to make you feel better, and I still figure that if I say anything in her favor, you'll just figure I'm trying to get in her skivvies.' Blunt, but I needed to see if I could shake him out of his funk.

It didn't work. He just sat there some more, head hanging, before finally looking up at me and saying 'No, that much I've gotten straight.

Hell, it took me 4 days before I finally realized that there wasn't any of this that I could blame on you; not even the sex education stuff. I mean, that was stuff she needed to know anyway, really, so best I could figure was that what it did was help her realize that sex wasn't something she should just jump into.'

'So what can I do, then?'

'I dunno. I feel like I gotta talk this out, and get my mind around it, y'know?'

'Well, you can talk to me, but I don't know how much help I can be.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, are you going to get all pissed off at me if I tell you something you might not want to hear, even if it's right and the truth?

Are you going to think I'm letting who she is, and what she is, influence me if I tell you when I think she's got a valid point?'

For a minute, he looked hurt, and even a little offended while he thought it through, but finally said 'No, I guess not. One of the things I've always liked about you is that you say what you think, without getting too concerned about who it is.'

He laughed a moment, and continued 'Hell, I still remember that time you stood up in that PR meeting our esteemed Senator threw, and all but called him a two-faced, lying, thieving son of a bitch – right there in front of all those cameras and God and everybody. Every time he'd try to weasel out of it, you'd just use his own words to knock his dick in the dirt AGAIN! And I've always admired the way you're able to kind of 'step back' from something, even when it involves you, and give your God's-honest opinion about the good and bad of it, as though you had no interest in it at all. So, no, I don't think I'm going to get pissed at you. Me, maybe, but not you. Just try not to rub my nose in it too much, willya?'

'Paul, you know I've never rubbed your nose in it about anything serious. Yeah, I'll bust your ass from now to forever about little shit, but when it's serious – and you better believe I think THIS is! – no, no gloating.'

He smiled at me bit, and said 'Thanks. Now I just need to figure out where to start.'

'How about you just start, any old place, and if I have a question or something to say, I'll jump in. Sooner or later, we'll get to it all.'

I watched as he collected his thoughts, and worked his way up to getting started.

'I guess that first thing to say is to tell you WHY she picked you.'

'This should be interesting!'

'Yeah. She said that she wanted YOU because she knew that you would be patient and gentle with her; that you wouldn't do anything to hurt her, and that she trusted you enough to know that if was going to hurt, you would make it hurt as little as possible.'

'*IF* it was me, yeah,*I* know I would. But what do you think?'

'On this one, I gotta admit I figure she's right. After the way you dealt with that little shit that turned up in the back yard, there isn't a doubt in my mind that you'd NEVER willingly do anything to hurt her.'

'Nice to hear, but for the sake of argument, let's check the other options, okay?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, the way I see it, if she'd determined to do it, it's gonna happen. If that's the case, then we can figure she's not stupid enough to just pick some random dipstick; she's going to pick somebody that she figures will at least try to do it right.'