She looked at me doubtfully, but thought it over, finally telling me 'Okay, I can see your point. You mean this airline can really do that? I mean, just hire the pretty young girls and no one else?'
'Sure. It's a fairly poor country, so the general attitude is that any job is better than no job; and nobody's inclined to fuss at the companies that have the jobs. Besides, it's their country and their rules. If you don't like it bad enough, don't go there.'
She gave me another doubtful look, and I went on to explain 'Kelly, this is something that you need to understand, completely and fully, before anything else: we are going to a foreign country. It is not a suburb of Los Angeles or New York or anyplace else in the United States. It is their country, and they make the rules. We are the foreigners. I've traveled through a lot of Asia, without any problems, by keeping that in mind at all times. Give them half a chance and you'll probably find the people we meet to be friendly, courteous, and helpful – but never lose sight of the fact that it's their country and their culture. We can learn to get around in it. But if we're not careful, we run the risk of assuming we know it when we don't – by getting too comfortable and confident – and making a mistake that gets us into trouble. When the stewardess gets back, I can give you an example.'
Kelly looked surprised, but nodded her agreement. A few minutes later, Mhay reappeared, telling us 'I have a few minutes before we start the meal, if you would like.'
I assured her that we certainly would like, and she took a seat on the armrest of an empty seat on the aisle. She looked at us expectantly, and I spoke up, saying 'Mhay, this is Kelly's first trip outside the United States, and I am trying to help her understand that not all places have the same customs. If you would be kind enough to help me, I think I can help her understand what I am talking about.'
Mhay assured me that she would be happy to help, and I asked her to show us how she would gesture for someone to come over to her. She nodded, the stuck her arm out before letting her hand drop toward the floor.
Kelly looked at her quizzically, and I asked Mhay 'Why do you do like that?'
She answered 'Because that is the nice way.'
I went on to ask her 'You know how Americans do it, right?'
She nodded, and said 'You can do that, too, but it is only for servants or like that. The other is the polite one.'
I turned to Kelly, and said 'You heard her. The way we would normally gesture someone over, by crooking a finger at them, is the rude way. If you did that anywhere in the Philippines, you would almost certain cause a problem. But doing it the right way – for the Philippines – would make people think you were polite. It's just the reverse of that old saying: different folks, different strokes.' – making her smile at that last part.
We heard someone say something in Tagalog, and I saw Mhay turn her head and nod to the speaker. When she turned back, I asked her 'You have to go back to work now?' She smiled and nodded, and I thanked her for her help. She said it was her pleasure, and I asked her if she would be able to come back and help me practice my Tagalog, and maybe learn some new words. Her whole face lit up, and she assured me that she and the others would be happy to help however they could.
When she was gone, I told Kelly 'You saw how she perked up when I asked her to help me learn more Tagalog?' Kelly nodded, and I went on 'The one constant I found in my travels was that if the local people can see that you're at least trying to learn and fit in, they'll be happy to help you – sometimes even going out of their way to do it. You can mangle the language, botch a custom, or foul up a ceremony, and they'll forgive you – as long as they can see you're trying. If I asked Mhay or any one of the others how good my Tagalog is, they'd assure me it was fine – except that I already know my pronunciation is bad, and my accent worse. But I try, and that's what counts.'
Kelly nodded her understanding, and I told her 'While we're in the Philippines, you'll see me do different things, and say different things. Carefully watch and listen, not just to me, but to the Filipinos we meet, and I think you'll get the idea. Until then, don't be afraid to explain yourself before answering questions, or asking for help before doing things. Don't hesitate to tell someone that you don't know how to do something the Filipino way. Even if you get it wrong, they won't be upset because you at least made the effort.'
Kelly put her head on my shoulder and hugged my arm before saying 'You sound like you had a lot of fun traveling around.'
'I did. Made a lot of mistakes, got confused a lot, was *constantly* lost, but sure, I had a blast. Anyplace I went the first things I tried to learn was some key phrases in the local language.'
'Such as?'
'Such as 'Hello', 'Thank you', and most important 'where's the bathroom?'' – earning myself a giggle. I continued by telling her 'Actually, I did have a lot of fun. Met a lot of nice people, and visited a lot of pretty and interesting places. Learned a lot, both about the countries and the people in them – how their cultures worked, how they evolved, stuff like that.'
'Ever get into trouble?'
'Never anything serious enough to get arrested for.'
She tilted her head back to give me the fisheye; I was saved from having to explain myself right then and there by the reappearance of Mhay, who let us know that they would be serving lunch soon, and asking what we'd like, after detailing our choices. Kelly simply looked at me, waiting for me to decide for both of us: we'd been given a choice between braised beef and a Filipino dish, chicken adobo. It took me only a moment to decide – we'd go with the chicken adobo. After Mhay left, I described what the meal would be to Kelly: essentially, a chicken 'stew' with plenty of vegetables, served over rice. Several minutes later, Mhay returned with out meals. After taking a tentative bite, Kelly's face lit up as she told us 'This is good!' – and getting a smile from Mhay before she left to take care of her other passengers.
Shortly after Kelly and I had both removed the last molecule of the adobo from our plates, Mhay turned up again to take them back to the galley. With our trays cleared, she came back again to ask if there was anything else we'd like.
'Isang sarbisa, paki', I answered. A GI never forgets how to order beer, no matter what the language.
Mhay nodded, and I continued 'San Miguel?', and she nodded again.
Mhay waited patiently when Kelly asked me what I'd just ordered. When I told her I'd asked for a beer ('Isa is 'one', add 'ng' to the end for grammar; sarbisa is beer, paki is please'), specifically a San Miguel brand, she indicated she'd like to try one, too. I looked up at Mhay, and said 'Dalawang, paki'. She smiled her understanding, and left us to return a few moments later with two cold bottles of San Miguel, and two glasses. Kelly and I both carefully filled the glasses before taking a sip; again, Kelly's eyes lit up at the taste.
Kelly and I had both gone through about half our beer when Mhay showed up again, along with one of the other stewardesses. She introduced us, saying 'This is my friend – kaibigan in Tagalog – Cherry'. I could feel Kelly start to giggle next to me, and I discretely nudged her to indicate that it wasn't the time for that. She quickly got control of herself, and told Cherry 'It's nice to meet you.' followed by my own greeting.
Mhay told us 'Cherry wants to practice her English – she already speaks Chinese – so she will be helping me.'
I could see on Kelly's face that she was surprised that the cute little Cherry already spoke another language, and wanted to practice yet a different one. I assured both of them that we would be happy to help, and thanked them for taking the time to help US.
For the next couple of hours, the two of them coached both Kelly and I in pronunciation and expanding our grammar as we coached Cherry – who took our polite corrections in the good will that they were intended. A few times, Mhay and Cherry both laughed when Kelly or I (or both) badly mispronounced a word, and started to blush at embarrassing us – until Kelly and I laughed along with them, and assured them that we thought it was funny, too. As it sank in that we weren't going to play at being 'Important People', they gradually became even more friendly, and willing to correct our errors.
When they finally had to leave to take care of their other duties, Kelly and I both had a secure grasp on several key phrases, and had passable pronunciation.
When Mhay and Cherry were both out of earshot, Kelly leaned over to tell me 'Never before in my life have I heard anyone with the name 'Cherry' -
I nearly laughed when Mhay introduced her!'
'I know – that's why I nudged you' – 'Nudge, my foot; I thought you were going to cave in a rib!' Kelly exaggerated – 'to let you know not to.
