Something else you need to know is that the country we're going to is roughly ninety percent Catholic; it seems like about two girls in three has the first name of 'Maria', so it's pretty common for them to use nicknames. There's no telling what you'll hear somebody called, so try to remember that no matter what it sounds like to you, it's somebody's name, okay?'
That sobered her considerably, and she thought things over for the next several minutes as I finished off the remains of the latest beer Mhay had brought me – my excuse being that I needed to keep my vocal cords well lubricated.
Finally, she spoke up again, telling me 'It really is different, isn't it? I really didn't understand what you were telling me about customs and cultures and all of that; at least, not until we got on this name thing. I started thinking about what you said, about people's names; and I suddenly realized that my name could be laughed at, too – like in 'Kelly green'. I know I wouldn't like it much, and that gave me a different perspective; it kind of put me in Cherry's shoes. Now I really do understand that we're going to a different place with different rules. Before, it was still kind of abstract, but now it's real. If she comes back, I think I have to apologize to Cherry.'
'I wouldn't do that, if I were you.'
'Why not?'
'Because if you apologize, there's a real risk that she wouldn't understand what you're apologizing about – remember, to her, it's a perfectly reasonable name – and you might find yourself trying to explain why you thought you were giving offense. And like I told you, the Philippines is like 90 percent Catholic, and not particularly 'liberal' about such things as sex; the girls there are expected to be virgins right up to the time they're married, so your explanation would likely embarrass the hell out of her, if not outright offend her.'
Kelly thought that one over for a bit, and said 'I see your point.
Better to just let it go this time, and learn from it.'
'That's it. And just so you know, we're probably going to run into people with names that cause just the opposite reaction.'
'Such as?'
'Such as we meet a girl – though possibly a boy! – called 'Baby'. She, or he, will likely be the youngest child, and that's what they've been called all their life. Doesn't mean anything to them, particularly, but to us it's a different matter: Baby could be a term of denigration or endearment, and you might find yourself having trouble using it without adding the emotional value we Americans would give it.'
I watched as she rolled that one around in her mind for a while before asking 'So what do I do, then?'
'What I found works for me is to use my emotions as a kind of alarm system – if something hits me that brings up an emotion, I use that as a way to kind of 'flag' it for intellectual processing, rather than just responding to it immediately. If I have trouble saying or doing something because of the way it makes me feel, I stop a moment to examine why – and deal with it then, rather than let it tie me up in knots. If I can't settle it any other way, I just remind myself that it's their country and their rules, not mine, and go from there.'
Kelly nodded her understanding, and got thoughtful again. She stayed that way until a couple hours later, when Mhay and Cherry showed up again. Remembering our previous lessons, she greeted them in Tagalog, and thanked them in it when they told her she was doing very well.
Cherry and Mhay both gave us language lessons a couple more times during our flight to Manila; after Kelly and I had our talk, she was appreciably more intent on the language lessons, and much more willing to ask Cherry or Mhay the why of a certain phrase. She showed more interest in asking them cultural and situational questions – what do I do if…, how should I…, and so on. Being female as Cherry and Mhay were, Kelly thought of things that simply wouldn't have occurred to me and I learned even more about the culture in the process.
We finally made it to Manila, and made it through Customs without any problems. Baggage in tow, we made our way out of the secure part of the airport to the receiving area for our flight. Tired as we were, it still didn't take us long to spot Ms. Ramos.
She seemed to recognize us about the same time, and moved to meet us as we headed toward her. Straight black hair to the middle of her back, a little button of a nose, full lips, dark eyes, and a nicely curved figure, she was a delight to look at with her smooth, clear complexion.
Standing a full 5 feet, 2 inches tall, Kelly and I both towered over her.
'Mr. and Mrs. Marshall? Welcome to the Philippines.'
'Mabuhai (Greetings)' I told her, followed by Kelly asking 'Kumu sta ka?' (How are you?).
Ms. Ramos got a delighted smile on her face, and answered 'Mabuhay!
Mabuti!' ([I'm doing] Fine!).
She looked at both of us for a moment, and then asked 'How is it that you know Tagalog?'
I explained to her that I'd been there while serving in the Navy (I saw what she thought of that), and that both of us had asked for – and gotten – language lessons from a couple of the stewardesses on the plane. Through a twist of fate, I saw Mhay and Cherry walking a little distance from us, and pointed them out to Ms. Ramos. About that time, Mhay happened to look in our direction and saw us. She smiled and waved at us, then nudged Cherry, who did the same. I was proud of Kelly when she remembered to extend her arm and let her hand drop to gesture that we'd like them to come over. Both readily changed direction toward us, and in a few moments, they were in an animated conversation with Ms.
Ramos. When they were done, Mhay and Cherry both told us it was nice to see us again, and wished us well. Kelly and I reciprocated, and the two of them headed back the direction they'd been going while Ms. Ramos watched.
When they were out of earshot, Ms. Ramos told us 'You pleased – and surprised – both of them very much with your willingness and ability to learn to speak Tagalog. Cherry in particular is grateful for your help in letting her improve her English.'
Then she looked at me speculatively, and said 'There aren't many U.S.sailors that come to our country that take the time or effort to learn our language, Mr. Marshall.'
'Please, call me Dan – and this is Kelly. I'm sorry to say that I know that, Ms. Ramos.' – 'It would be Miss Ramos, but I think Marlyn would be better since we'll be together for a while.' – 'But the Philippines isn't the only country I spent time in, and I found that I liked to learn about the places I was lucky enough to visit. I also found that it was easier to get the help that I so often needed if I was able to speak at least a little bit of the language. I have no illusion that I am fluent in Tagalog; but I hope that I can at least be polite.'
She listened to that, and when I was done, told me 'Yes, I think that you were probably the kind of visitor that we like to have here, Dan.'
Then she turned to Kelly and said 'I was told that this is your first trip to our country. You impressed Cherry and Mhay very much with how quickly and well you learned the Tagalog they were able to teach you.
And Mhay was very pleased that you remembered how to show them you wanted them to come over here. It isn't often that we get visitors that take the time to learn our way of doing things.'
Kelly answered her by saying 'Dan was able to explain a few things to me on the flight here, and help me understand that*I* am the foreigner, now. I am sure that I am still going to make mistakes, but I would hope that you would be kind enough to correct me, so that I don't make any more than I have to. This is a new place for me, and I know that I have a lot to learn – I don't want to be an 'Ugly American''.
Marlyn smiled at that, and told her 'You are too pretty to be an *ugly*
American anywhere – but I understand what you mean. I'll be happy to help.' She went on to tell us 'Your driver is waiting out front with the car. If you'll give me moment, I'll get him to help with your luggage.
Please, wait here.'
I assured her we wouldn't move from that very spot, and she smiled at me before heading for the door. True to her word, she was back in a minute or so with a very fit-looking middle aged man. When they were standing in front of us, Marlyn told us 'This is your driver and bodyguard, Bhoy'. I could see Kelly thinking that over as Marlyn went on 'He is retired from the Philippine Army, and even served a tour in Viet Nam, so he really is qualified as a bodyguard. He works as a driver and guard only to have something to do, and to make a little extra money. I've worked with him before, and he is very good and very helpful. As I told you in the email, we won't be going anyplace where there is any real risk; he is here more as an insurance policy, I think you would call it.'
I told her 'I understand, and thank you.'
She smiled again, and said 'It is I who thank you, Dan. Ours is a poor country, so anyone who is bringing jobs for our people is someone we want to take care of. If you're ready, we can get you to your hotel now.'
