“Stephanie Plum. I have a problem.”
There was a pause two beats long, and I could imagine him coming alert, sitting up in bed. “What’s the problem?”
I rolled my eyes, only half believing I was making this phone call. “I’m handcuffed to my shower curtain rod, and I need someone to open the cuffs.”
Another pause and he disconnected.
I redialed, punching the buttons so hard I almost broke a finger.
“Yo!” Ranger said, sounding good and pissed off.
“Don’t hang up! This is serious, dammit. I’m trapped in my bathroom. My front door is locked and no one has a key.”
“Why don’t you call the cops? They love this rescue shit.”
“Because I don’t want to have to explain to the cops. And besides, I’m naked.”
“Heh, heh, heh.”
“It’s not funny. Morelli broke into my apartment while I was in the shower, and the son of a bitch handcuffed me to the shower rod.”
“You gotta like the guy.”
“Are you going to help me, or what?”
“Where do you live?”
“The apartment building at the corner of St. James and Dunworth. Apartment 215. It’s a rear apartment. Morelli got in by climbing the fire escape and going through the window. You can probably do the same.”
I couldn’t actually blame Morelli for cuffing me to the curtain rod. After all, I had sort of stolen his car. And I could understand that he needed to keep me out of the way while he searched my apartment. I might even be able to forgive him for destroying my shower curtain in a show of macho force, but he went too far when he left me hanging here naked. If he thought this would discourage me, he was wrong. This whole deal was now in the ballpark of double-dare, and childish as it might be, I was not going to walk away from the challenge. I’d get Morelli or die trying.
I’d been standing in the tub for what seemed like hours when I heard my front door open and close. The steam from the shower had long ago dissipated and the air had turned cool. My hand was numb from being held overhead. I was exhausted and hungry and had the beginnings of a headache.
Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway, and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. “I appreciate your coming out in the middle of the night,” I said.
Ranger smiled. “Didn’t want to miss seeing you chained up naked.”
“The keys are in the mess on the floor.”
He found the keys, pried the phone loose from my fingers, and unlocked the cuffs. “You and Morelli got something kinky going on?”
“Remember when you gave me his keys this afternoon?”
“Un huh.”
“I sort of borrowed his car.”
“Borrowed?”
“Commandeered, actually. You know, about us having the law and all?”
“Un huh.”
“Well, I commandeered his car, and he found out.”
Ranger smiled and handed me a towel. “He understand about commandeering?”
“Let’s just say he wasn’t pleased. Anyway, I parked the car in the lot out here and removed the distributor cap as a safety precaution.”
“Bet that went over big.”
I got out of the tub and had to squelch a scream when I saw my reflection in the vanity mirror. My hair looked like it had taken 2,000 volts and been spray starched. “I need to install an alarm system in his car, but I haven’t got the money.”
Ranger laughed soft and low in his chest. “An alarm system. Morelli’ll love that.” He took a pen from the floor and wrote an address on a piece of toilet paper. “I know a garage that’ll give you a price.”
I padded past him into the bedroom and exchanged the towel for a long terrycloth robe. “I heard you come in through the door.”
“Picked the lock. Didn’t think it prudent to wake up the super.” He looked over at my window. Rain was spattering on the dark pane, and a piece of torn screening draped over the sill. “I only do the Spiderman shit in nice weather.”
“Morelli wrecked my screen.”
“Guess he in a hurry.”
“I’ve noticed you only talk ghetto half of the time.”
“I’m multi-lingual,” Ranger said.
