Hot Six

Lula and I ducked our heads and fought our way through a barrage of hijacked hors d'oeuvres and ugly threats. We reached the front door and bolted outside, hitting the pavement at a run, half dragging Elwood behind us. We threw him into the backseat, and I put the gas pedal to the floor. Any other car would have rocketed away, but the Buick purposefully eased out of its berth and muscled its way down the street.

'You know, when you think about it, those Trekkies were a bunch of pussies,' Lula said. 'If this had happened in my neighborhood, those cheese balls would have had bullets in them.'

Elwood was sullen in the backseat, not saying anything. He'd caught a couple cheese balls and egg rolls by accident, and his Kirk suit wasn't up to Federation standard anymore.

I dropped Lula off and continued on to the police station. Jimmy Neeley was at the desk. 'Jesus,' he said, 'what's that smell?'

'Cheese balls,' I told him. 'And egg roll.'

'You look like you've been in a food fight.'

'It was the Romulan who started it,' I said. 'Damn Romulans.'

'Yeah,' Neeley said, 'you can't trust them Romulans.'

I got my body receipt and retrieved my cuffs from Captain Kirk, then I left the police station and walked out into the night air. The police lot was artificially bright, lit by overhead halogens. Beyond the halogens the sky was dark and starless. A light rain had started to fall. It would have been a cozy night if I was over at Morelli's with him and Bob. As it was, I was alone in the rain, smelling like a big crab puff, feeling a little worried that someone had terminated Cynthia Lotte and I might be next. The only good thing about the Lotte murder was that it had temporarily taken my mind off Arturo Stolle.

I didn't feel totally sexually attractive with my sauce-stained shirt and cheese-ball hair, so I went home to change before seeing Morelli. I parked the Buick next to Mr. Weinstein's Cadillac, locked up, and took a step toward the building before I realized Ranger was leaning against the car in front of me.

'You need to be more careful, babe,' he said. 'You should look around before you get out of your car.'

'I was distracted.'

'A bullet in the head would distract you permanently.'

I made a face and stuck my tongue out.

Ranger smiled. 'Trying to get me excited?' He picked a glob of food out of my hair. 'Egg roll?'

'It's been a long night.'

'Did you learn anything from Ramos?'

'He said they had a problem in Trenton, which I'm supposing is Junior Macaroni. But then he said he'd fixed it so the problem would go on a boat next week. And with any luck the boat would sink. Then the two goons came in to retrieve him, and they said they couldn't find the cargo. Do you know what any of this means?'

'Yes.'

'Do you want to tell me?'

'No.'

Christ. 'You're a real prick. I'm not working for you anymore.'

'Too late. I already fired you.'

'I mean ever!'

'Where's Bob?'

'With Morelli.'

'So all I have to worry about is keeping you safe,' Ranger said.

'The sentiment is sweet, but not necessary.'

'What, are you kidding me? I told you to drop out and be careful and two hours later you've got Ramos back in your car.'

'I was looking for you, and he jumped in the Buick.'

'You ever hear about door locks?'

I tipped my nose up, trying to pull off looking indignant. 'I'm going inside. And just to make you happy I'll lock my door.'

'Wrong. You're going with me, and I'm going to lock you up.'

'Are you threatening me?'

'No. I'm flat-out telling you.'

'Listen, mister,' I said, 'this is the twenty-first century. Women aren't property. You just don't go around locking us up. If I want to do something incredibly stupid and put myself in danger, I have the right to do it.'

Ranger clapped a bracelet on me. 'I don't think so.'

'Hey!'

'It'll only be for a couple days.'

'I can't believe this! You're actually going to lock me up?' He reached for my other wrist, and I yanked the cuff out of his hand and jumped away.

'Come here,' he said.

I put a car between us. I had his bracelet dangling from my wrist, and in a weird way, which I didn't want to think about, it was sort of erotic. And then in another way, it really pissed me off. I reached into my shoulder bag and came up with my pepper spray. 'Come get me,' I told him.

He put his hands on the car. 'This isn't going well, is it?'

'How did you expect it to go?'

'You're right. I should have known. Nothing is ever simple with you. Men blow themselves up. Cars get flattened by garbage trucks. I've been in full-scale invasions that have been less harrowing than meeting you for coffee.' He held the key up for me to see. 'Would you like me to take the cuff off?'

'Throw the key over here.'

'Uh-unh. You have to come to me.'

'No way.'

'That pepper spray only works if you get it in my face. Do you think you're good enough to get it in my face?'

'Absolutely.'

A junker of a car pulled into the lot. Ranger and I gave it our full attention. Ranger had a gun in his hand, his hand at his side.

The car came to a stop and Mooner and Dougie got out. 'Hey, dude,' Mooner called to me. 'Lucky break finding you here. Me and Dougie need some of your sage advice.'

'I have to talk to these guys,' I said to Ranger. 'Lula and I sort of trashed their house.'

'Let me guess, they were serving egg rolls and something yellow.'

'Cheese balls. And it wasn't my fault. The Romulan started it.'

The corners of his mouth tipped into a small, controlled smile. 'I should have guessed it was the Romulan.' He holstered his gun. 'Go talk to your friends. We'll finish this later.'

'The key?'

He smiled and shook his head.

'This is war,' I said.

The smile turned grim. 'Be careful.'

I backed away and moved to the building's back door, Dougie and Mooner following me. I couldn't imagine what they wanted. Restitution for damages? A report on Elwood's future as a drug lord? My opinion of the egg rolls?

I hurried through the lobby and took the stairs. 'We can talk in my apartment,' I said. 'I need to change my shirt.'

'Sorry about your shirt, dude. Those Trekkies turned ugly. I'm telling you, they were a mob,' Mooner said. 'That Federation is in trouble. They're never gonna make a go of it with members like that. They had no regard for Dougie's personal residence.'

I opened my apartment door. 'Was there much damage?'

Mooner flopped onto the couch. 'In the beginning, we thought it was just going to be cheese-ball damage. But then we had trouble with the VCR and had to cut the film portion of the evening short.'