'Still,' she said, 'it'd feel good to screw Joyce over one more time.'
'You have any ideas?'
'How well does Joyce know Ranger?'
'She's seen him a couple times.'
'Suppose we slip her someone who looks like Ranger, and then we take back the ringer? I know this guy, Morgan, who could pass. Same dark skin. Same build. Maybe not as fine, but he could come close. Especially if it was real dark, and he didn't open his mouth. He got the name Morgan 'cause he's hung like a horse.'
'I'd probably need a couple more beers to think it would work.'
Lula looked over at the empty beer bottles sitting on her counter. 'I got a head start on you. So I'm real optimistic about this plan.' She opened a dog-eared address book and thumbed through it. 'I know him from my former profession.'
'Customer?'
'Pimp. He's a real asshole, but he owes me a favor. And he'd probably get off on passing as Ranger. He probably got a Ranger outfit in his closet, too.'
Five minutes later, Morgan answered his page, and Lula and I had ourselves a fake Ranger.
'Here's the plan,' Lula said. 'We pick the dude up on the corner of Stark and Belmont in a half hour. Only he hasn't got all night, so we gotta get this thing moving.'
I called Joyce and told her I had Ranger, and she should meet us in the lot behind the office. It was the darkest spot I could think of.
I finished my sandwich and beer, and Lula and I packed off in the Cherokee. We got to the corner of Stark and Belmont, and I had to do a double-take to make sure the man standing there wasn't Ranger.
When Morgan got closer, the differences were apparent. The skin tone was the same, but his features were more coarse. There was more age around his mouth and eyes, less intelligence in his expression. 'Joyce better not look too close,' I said to Lula.
'I told you to have another bottle of beer,' Lula said. 'Anyway, it's real dark behind the office, and if things go right Joyce'll break down before she gets too far.'
We cuffed Morgan's hands in front of him, which is a dumb thing to do, but Joyce wasn't a good enough bounty hunter to know it. Then we gave him the key to the cuffs. The deal was that he'd put the key in his mouth when we got to the lot. He'd refuse to talk to Joyce, playing sullen. We'd arrange for her to get a flat, and when she got out to take a look, Morgan would take the cuffs off and escape into the night.
We got to the alley early, so I could drop Lula. We'd decided she would hide behind the small Dumpster that serviced Vinnie and his neighbor, and when Joyce was busy taking Ranger into custody, Lula would drive a spike into Joyce's tire. Deja vu. I angled the Cherokee so that Joyce would be forced to park next to the Dumpster. Lula jumped out and hid, and almost immediately lights flashed at the corner.
Joyce pulled her SUV in next to me and got out. I got out, too. Morgan was slumped in the backseat, his head down to his chest.
Joyce squinted into the car. 'I can't see him. Put your lights on.'
'No way,' I said. 'And you'd be smart to leave yours off, too. He's got a lot of people looking for him.'
'Why's he all slumped over?'
'Drugged.'
Joyce nodded. 'I was wondering how you were gonna do it.'
I made a big deal and some noise over pulling Morgan out of the backseat. He collapsed against me, snatching a cheap feel, and Joyce and I half-dragged him over to her car and stuffed him in.
'One last thing,' I said to Joyce, handing her a statement I'd prepared at Lula's. 'You need to sign this.'
'What is it?'
'It's a document attesting to the fact that you willingly went to the pet cemetery with Carol and asked her to tie you to the tree.'
'What are you, nuts? I'm not signing that.'
'Then I'm hauling Ranger out of your backseat.'
Joyce looked at the SUV and her precious cargo. 'What the hell,' she said, taking the pen and signing her name. 'I got what I wanted.'
'You take off first,' I said to Joyce, pulling my Glock out of my pocket. 'I'll make sure you get out of the alley safely.'
'I can't believe you did this,' Joyce said. 'I didn't think you were such a sneaky little shit.'
Honey, you don't know the half of it. 'It was for Carol,' I said.
I stood there with the Glock drawn and watched Joyce drive away. The instant she turned from the alley to the street, Lula jumped into the car, and we took off.
'I give her about a quarter-mile,' Lula said. 'I'm the queen of the spike-and-run.'
I had a visual on Joyce. There was no traffic, and she was a block ahead of me. Her taillights wobbled and the car slowed.
'Good, good, good,' Lula said.
Joyce drove another block at reduced speed.
'She'd like to just drive on that tire,' Lula said, 'but she's worried about her fancy new SUV.'
There was another flash of brake lights, and Joyce pulled to the curb. We were a block behind her with our lights killed, looking parked. Joyce had gotten out and turned toward the back of her car when a van swerved around me and skidded to a stop alongside her. Two men jumped out, guns drawn. One trained his gun on Joyce, and the other grabbed Morgan just as he set foot on the pavement.
'What the hell?' Lula said. 'What the fuck?'
It was Habib and Mitchell. They thought they had Ranger.
Morgan got bundled into the mom-van, and the van rocketed off.
Lula and I sat in shocked silence, not sure what to do.
Joyce was yelling and waving her arms. Finally she kicked the flat tire, got into her SUV, and, I assume, made a phone call.
'That worked out pretty good,' Lula finally said.
I backed up half a block without lights, turned the corner, and drove away. 'Where do you think they picked us up?'
'Must have been at my house,' Lula said. 'They probably didn't want to make a move when there were two of us. And then they got real lucky when Joyce got that flat.'
'They're not going to think they're so lucky when they find out they've got Morgan the Horse.'
DOUGIE AND MOONER were playing Monopoly when I got back to Dougie's house. 'I thought you worked at Shop amp; Bag,' I said to Mooner. 'Why aren't you ever working?'
'I lucked out and got laid off, dude. I'm telling you, this is a great country. Where else could a dude get paid for not working?'
I went into the kitchen and dialed Morelli. 'I'm at Mooner's house,' I told him. 'I just had another weird night.'
'Yeah, well, it isn't over yet. Your mother's called over here four times in the last hour. You'd better phone home.'
'What's wrong?'
'Your grandmother went out on a date, and she isn't back yet, and your mother's losing it.'
15
MY MOTHER ANSWERED on the first ring. 'It's midnight,' she said, 'and your grandmother isn't home. She's out with that turtle man.'
'Myron Landowsky?'
'They were supposed to go to dinner. That was at five o'clock. Where could they be? I've called his apartment
